Introvert? Extrovert? Where Do YOU Fall on the Spectrum?

Interesting exploration of the "where do you get your energy?" question.

Enjoy!
-Katie

http://www.fastcompany.com/3016031/leadership-now/are-you-an-introvert-or-an-extrovert-and-what-it-means-for-your-career?partner=newsletter

The Strength of Kindness

Discovering people's greatest strengths is probably the number one reason I love what I do.  I feel like a treasure hunter sometimes, thrilled at the prospect of uncovering some hidden talents (or, more likely, a unique combination of talents) that someone possesses.

And yet I'll admit that there is one strength- oftentimes learned but sometimes generously bestowed on a few individuals- I tend overlook in the midst of the other more "lucrative" talents. This strength is, simply put, a capacity for kindness. It is one of the most important aspects of a person's potential, but so often gets way too little attention. After all, no adult would think of putting "I am kind" on their resume or business card or use it as a selling point in an interview. Yet how refreshing and effective is this trait to have in our working environments? We all know that when a person is both good at their work and displays kindness to others that she becomes a super star.  Through simple acts of generosity, she leads with integrity and positively influences the workplace.

I wonder if many of us are actually born to bestow kindness, but as we grow older we stop being as outward with our care taking. We gradually build up our competitive spirit to the point that our gentle souls diminish, and our nurturing inclinations take a back seat. We learn to put on an adult armor that shows we mean business, masking that tenderness we may have shown freely as children.

A very touching article in Guideposts Magazine reminded me of that pure, unadulterated kindness that children can bestow.  Jennifer Hubbard, mother of Sandy Hook elementary school student, Catherine Hubbard, wrote an insightful and touching essay about her daughter, Catherine, age six, who was one of the children who tragically died in the December 2012 shooting.  Reading this mother's words (albeit through tears) prompted me to remember what a gift kindness is, and how we cannot ever diminish its power or grow out of our own inclination to share it. Ms. Hubbard allows us to glimpse into young Catherine's life, which centered around her immense capacity and understanding of kindness, even at the tender age of six.

Here is a brief excerpt from this story:

"She could be shy around adults, like lots of little girls. With animals or other kids it was another story, especially with animals. She came alive with love, our own miniature flame-haired Dr. Doolittle. It was as if she couldn't contain her need to care for every living thing.

How many hours did Catherine spend in the backyard with her friends patiently training our old yellow Lab mix to jump over a stick? Hugging her. Picking her up, though she weighed twice as much as Catherine. She had a thing for critters-her pet bunny, her fish, the crickets in our yard on lazy summer nights, even the worms. Butterflies were a big deal. She'd gasp with delight when one landed on her hand, which they always seemed to do. Maybe it was because she'd whisper to them, 'Tell all your friends I'm kind.'

Yes, kind. Catherine knew what she was and how precious kindness is in this world.

Catherine's Business Card

Not long ago she made her own business cards with Catherine's Animal Shelter across the top.  Care Taker, she wrote under her name.  She handed them out to friends and to her first grade teacher at Sandy Hook.  [My husband,] Matt and I smiled at her sense of purpose.

She was never without some kind of animal, usually one of her unbelievably huge collection of stuffed toys. She piled them around her on the bed at night. In the morning she always picked one to put in her backpack for school, as if she had to have something with her to care for, even a stuffed animal."

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As tragic and heartbreaking as it is to know that such a lovely life has been cut horribly short, I'm hoping to let Catherine's example of open tenderness remind me to better appreciate kindness: In myself, in my clients and in my own gentle, tenderhearted daughter as well.



Note: Catherine's parents created a memorial in honor of their daughter's love for animal rescue.  They requested that any donations be sent to their local animal shelter. To date, with the generosity of hundreds of supporters, Catherine's vision is now becoming a reality. The Catherine Violet Hubbard Animal Sanctuary is under way!

Meet the Design Team!

All of these members of the design team were busy high school seniors when they designed my website this past spring and summer.  They are now busy high school graduates tending to their very full lives: attending art schools, working with designers, creating their own ventures, and pursuing colleges degrees.

Thought you might want to know a little bit about them... 

Tayler Aitken

 

PERSONALITY TYPE: ISFJ

PASSIONATE ABOUT: Photography

FAVORITE CHILDHOOD TOY: My teddy bear

FASCINATED BY: The way people think and the world around me

CREATING MYSELF MEANS: Discovering yourself and becoming who you are and what you want to be

MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE: Outdoorsy things- biking, fishing, etc.

REALLY GOOD AT: Organizing (lame I know!)

Amanda Alves

PERSONALITY TYPE: ENFP

FAVORITE CHILDHOOD TOY: Sega Genesis

MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE: Dancing!

FAVORITE TOOL: Adobe Illustrator

FASCINATED BY: The moon and stars

REALLY GOOD AT: Listening to and helping out with my friend's problems. 

REQUIRED DAILY: Being happy.

NEED TO: Figure out my major for college! 

Ben Finfrock

PERSONALITY TYPE: ISTP

WANT TO: Take a cross country trip, see real things

NEED TO LEARN HOW TO: Surf

MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE: Observing people

WORD THAT DESCRIBES ME: Lone wolf 

FASCINATED BY: People

FAVORITE CHILDHOOD OBJECTS: Spider Man, comic books

PASSIONATE ABOUT:  Art with movement

Sophie McGale

Personality Type: ENFP

Favorite Childhood Toy: The woods

Passionate About: Creativity and the human experience

Need To: Figure all of this out

Fascinated By: Everything in and outside the natural world, motivated by a desire for understanding

Really Good At: Arts and crafts

Creating Myself Means: Understanding and using the gifts and talents I’ve been given to best glorify my own existence to understand how I was made for something beautiful

Brenna Powers

PERSONALITY TYPE: INFJ

PASSIONATE ABOUT: Animals, animation, art, aquariums, music.


CHILDHOOD TOY: Cat beanie baby

SAVING MY MONEY TO BUY: A Pacific Green parrotlet and a giant fish tank.

FASCINATED BY: Animals, psychology, animation, people in general. 

CREATING MYSELF MEANS: Being happy with the person I am and the things I've accomplished.

 REQUIRED DAILY: Doodling wherever and whenever I can.

Alexa Sears

PERSONALITY TYPE: ENFP

FAVORITE TOOL:  Computer graphics

NEED: Variety

FAVORITE CHILDHOOD TOY: Dad’s teddy bear and blanket

ENJOY: Antique hunting

MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE: Running (it's a "place" to think)

Enriquez Iglesias-induced Impairment

http://www.flickr.com/photos/evarinaldiphotography/

I temporarily forgot that I was over 40 with children when I said "yes" to my friend's invitation to go to an Enriquez Iglesias concert.  Didn't get home 'til almost 1:00 am last night.

Wait- that was... technically this morning.  Whatever.

http://www.desiretoinspire.net/

Very tired today.  Children up quite early.

Had a lot of fun, but again,

Very tired today.

Now, because of my fatigue, I've been experiencing a phenomenon which I discuss in my presentations:  Inferior Function awareness.  Just to clarify here and now, these are not functions that relate in any way to bodily functions. (It's not that kind of blog.)  Rather, these "functions" pertain to Personality Type, wherein "inferior function" is a term used in Type Development discourse.

We all have dominant functions and inferior functions, no matter what our personality type.  My dominant function, as determined by my ENFP preference, is a perceiving function called extraverted Intuition.  In other words, I tend to ask questions of others first before making judgments. Extraverted Intuition is a great dominant function to have as a career coach, because I ask really good questions of my clients.

I prefer seeking information from my environment rather than constantly making internal decisions on that information.  It's a conceptual, imaginative and open-ended dominant function, and I do it naturally, easily and without thinking. Kind of like writing with my right hand.

Now using my inferior function?  It's like using my left hand:  not quite as adept.  I can use it for basic things like picking up something or clapping, but forget trying to write my name with it.  Unless, of course, I want my handwriting to look like a kindergartner's.  

Flickr-o5com

My inferior function is introverted Sensing, which involves retrieving information from the archives of my brain.  Numbers, dates, general data recall, details, minute planning, blah blah blah.  Introverted Sensing is all about the internal perception of the here and now, the concrete details, and practical data.  I'd mention more but it's wearing me out just writing about these bad boys.

I mention my less-than-stellar adeptness with details in How We Got to the Moon.  And you can bet those pesky details are the first thing to go when I get tired or have a headache or get overly stressed.

The big concept part of my brain is fine; it's operating just dandily, almost automatically because it's used so much and works quite adeptly.  But my inferior, introverted Sensing function? Well, it might as well be where Enriquez and his band probably were this morning: in bed nursing a headache from too much La Vida Loca.  (Or perhaps that's just my fantasy of the kid-less showbiz crowd.)

So today it took a lot of extra energy to concentrate on paperwork, processing data, and doing calculations in my head.  Thankfully, being in the highly conceptual field of a career coaching that I am, those activities are kept to a minimum.  But struggling with these activities makes me appreciate my choice of paths.  My typical day really focuses on my dominant function and what I do best:  gathering information from people and outside sources and creating solutions with these concepts.

I've been in jobs where my inferior function was used every day all day (administrative work) and it was immensely draining.  Why?  The inferior function just doesn't work as well as the dominant function, and so it takes more energy to use.  Of course, we all use our inferior function all the time, but preferably in moderation.  And when someone says that their job drains them or that they come home "at the end of their rope," it's most likely due to the fact that they're probably using way too much of an inferior function.

That being said, I'm going to bed.  And you can ponder over your inferior and dominant functions while I sleep.

Oh, and Buenos Noches, Senior Iglesias.

My Website- like my home...

(Okay, not my home, but quite fetching, no?)

I have been working with a design team this past spring and summer.  We're working on a new web design, logo, brochure, and everything-in-between.

Oh, and did I mention the design team is in high school?

Well, actually, now they've graduated, but still.  Eighteen year-olds rock.

But back to the beginning of the process:  my team needed direction.

Being of the Perceiving persuasion, as the last letter of my ENFP personality type preference, I don't really give direction by nature.  I ask lots of good questions instead of giving orders.  And that's great for what I do.  In the case of clients, I first ask them what specifics are important to them, and then, using these clues, help guide them in a direction.  But I never tell them what direction to take.  This method works like a charm in the career coaching field.

Furthermore, in the case of my own projects, I ask others what they think and then direct myself using their input and my own inner compass.  Again, works well for the most part.  But giving directions, making lots of decisions... I was tremendously rusty.

And then I realized it really was quite simple:  I needed to figure out what I really wanted.  I just needed a nudge.  Kind of like when I had to decide how to decorate my home, I sought inspiration.  You'll recall my home design boards when I was doing my home makeover;  this time I made website design boards.

via geograph
Also not my home.  Makeover, anyone?

In creating my website design boards I surfed the web for hours.  I found websites that were stark white, minimalistic, and modern.  I found hipster designs that I loved, but many of them ultimately screamed, "I'm so cool I think you should have to pay to look at my words, you low-life."

(Or perhaps that was just me feeling intimidated?!)

(Nah... they really were quite snooty.)

Anyway, I combed through the endless corporate blather, the sentimental and trite, and, of course, the in-your-face, obscenity-laden rebels reporting how The Man or The Woman or Whatever Breathing Creature is Trying to Screw Them Over.

In other words, nothing fit me.  Nothing looked like what I wanted.  But then I eventually realized that was okay because that's what creating an original website is all about.  It's not about fitting into something out there;  rather, designing my website was about creating something totally fresh, from in here.  (You can now picture me lovingly pointing to my heart.)

(And now imagine a sappy and sentimental Hallmark-esque commercial.)

(And now you may retch.)

Although, generally speaking, I was drawn to the modern, the cool, the hip, the fun, and the fairly irreverent, I realized that I needed something more vibrant and meaningful.  I love color, the outdoors, the summertime, bright, living energy.  I needed- and continue to need-  all of these things.  Because it's not just about what I want, it's what I need for sustainability... when I go to write, to create, to invent.

Thankfully, I had a design team chock full of creative people who listened to what I needed.  They produced great ideas, combinations, designs, and photographs.  And I'm so very happy with our collaborative creation.  We're still working out some kinks, but it's coming along quite nicely, don't you think?

How We Got to the Moon

Hint:  It wasn't by using approximations.

At least that's what my better half tells me.

Interestingly, this discussion of moon expeditions began when we were on our own little odyssey:  a journey to the post office to get the kids' passports.  Since only certain post offices process passports, we had to go to an unusual location, which was no problemo because I'd been to this post office before, albeit many years earlier, and knew I'd recognize the area.  However, despite my crystal clear ability to recognize formerly-visited locations, I've been married long enough to know that my spouse would want a number to look for, so, to humor him, I looked up the address before we left.

Once in the car, I relayed "8315 Richmond Highway" to Mr. Driver and off we merrily went... at first.  Funny thing was, when we got to that address we couldn't find the post office.  So, at my request, we kept on driving south.  I knew by sight we hadn't reached "The Area" yet.  Of that I was certain.


However, after a few minutes of still finding no post office Mr. Driver got antsy and said, "Are you sure that 8513 is the right number?"

I thought about it a second and said, "Maybe not." 


A long pause ensued while my brain searched its number archives. 

"No that's definitely not the right number,"  I concluded.  "It's actually 8315."

"Katie, that's a totally different number!" he responded, exasperated.

"I'm very aware of that.  I was just giving you an approximation."

"Oh, I see.  An approximation."  He shook his head and added sarcastically, "Yeah, that's how we got to the moon- by approximating!!"


He's witty, that one.

You see, numbers, and specifically, details, and I have never really clicked.  I have a blast researching and discussing complex abstractions such as literary theory, the varied nuances in career studies, and neuropsychological concepts.  And in my creative pursuits such as writing, art, coaching, performance and career design I am downright meticulous!  But ask me to mess around with Quicken and household appliance manuals and I just want to take a nap.  A very long nap at that.  Actually, one in which I wake up and someone else ((i.e. my better half)) has it all done.

This energy drainage has a lot to do with a facility (or lack thereof) with small details versus big concepts.  Now, you can imagine which facility society tends to value most: the small detail orientation.  It's just the way things get done.  For example, imagine if IRS agents only gave rough estimates about what a person owes, or if librarians put books kind-of-sort-of-in the right vicinity.  Or, even worse, what if civil engineers sat around discussing only what a new bridge would mean philosophically instead of figuring out all of the specific measurements and mathematics involved.  I myself would not want to drive over a bridge that was all concept and no detailed research and calculations!

So, does that mean that the abstract-oriented people, or right-brain thinkers, are completely screwed?  I mean, if details make the world go round, where do those without that detail facility fit in?   At the back of the unemployment line? 

Well, that answer depends on the Right-Brainer's tenacity to find work in which details are necessary but don't comprise the majority of daily job tasks.  Psychologists, marketing whizzes, career coaches (phew!), therapists, and certain types of artists and writers exemplify just a few of the hundreds of careers that don't need to be detailed 24/7.  In fact, abstract concepts are the meat and potatoes of these careers. Furthermore, I've discovered pretty good employment news for abstract/ big concept peeps out there.  Daniel Pink, author of A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future,  writes convincingly,

"The era of “left brain” dominance, and the Information Age that it engendered, are giving way to a new world in which “right brain” qualities-inventiveness, empathy, meaning-predominate."

In his book, Pink specifically mentions the increasing importance of the new "six senses" necessary for a successful economic future, the first being design.  Not highly detailed, measurement-driven design, but a more right brain, visual, abstract design movement. Design that feels and looks rich in ideas and builds a rapport with its audience. Notice, for example, the way in which advertising using art and the printed word have become more and more concept-oriented, with collage cartoons becoming a staple.  Detailed realism seems to be a bit on the passe side.  He also describes at length the other five senses which will predominate business and society as we know it:  story, symphony, empathy, play, and meaning.

Whether you believe his prophecy or not, Pink definitely gives us something to think about.  And thankfully he gives us Right-Brainers a glimmer of hope.  Now, I personally don't know if we'll rule the future (seriously- God forbid!) but I agree with him that society seems to be widening its horizons, recognizing minds that are not necessarily linear nor number-driven nor particularly detail-oriented.

Mr. Pink is not the only one foreseeing a shift in how business will need new types of abilities.  As quoted in a recent issue of Fast Company Magazine, Silicon Valley investor John Doerr, of Kleiner Perkins Caulfield & Byers, stated that the World Wide Web is shifting “from an old Internet of documents and sites to a new one that’s all about people and places and relationships.” The largest, leading edge companies, according to Doerr, see this relationship building endeavor- social media/networking and the like- no longer as "add-on's" but rather a core component of doing business.
In turn, billions of dollars have already been poured into creating these high touch, relationship-oriented corporate endeavors.

Given Doerr's sweeping statement, what does that mean for the next wave of hires that companies will be tracking down? Several questions come to my mind from a career standpoint:

Will those people who are more relationship and concept-oriented than fact and detail-oriented become hot commodities?

Will Monster.com soon be filled with more abstract, right-brain job descriptions?

And on the university front:

Will social science and art departments join ranks with business and engineering as "good choices" in the eyes of parents?  (English majors rejoice!) 

Could it be that corporations and small businesses will end up giving social science grads interviews instead of passing glances? 

Lastly, and most importantly, will the schools of Arts & Letters, sometimes nicknamed "Arts & Parties" at certain universities, now be known as Arts & Income?

Perhaps.  But I know you are thinking the same thing I am:  it's gonna take a looooooong while, if this is indeed the case.

Admittedly, despite the evidence I read on a daily basis, I myself am not convinced that society will no longer prefer detail-oriented individuals (like my significant other, for example.)  But I do know that the times they are a changin' and we will see an openness to talents of all shapes and sizes.  And if a right-brained, big picture person doesn't figure out what he or she has to offer (besides straining to fit into the standard fare of very linear and detail-oriented jobs), these same individuals may miss some very meaty opportunities.  Of that I am sure.

No really, I am certain of this fact, not like the number 8315, or 8513, or whatever it was I was only approximately sure of.

Check out the Fast Company article in its entirety by clicking below:
http://www.fastcompany.com/1696941/doerr-get-social-or-get-left-behind?partner=rss&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+fastcompany%2Fheadlines+%28Fast+Company+Headlines%29


You can find Daniel Pink's A Whole New Mind at most major booksellers or at http://www.amazon.com/Whole-New-Mind-Right-Brainers-Future/dp/1594481717/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1289160174&sr=8-1



 

Rough, Tough Cream Puff

Watching my daughter (not pictured above) transform from an infant to the little lady she is today has been nothing short of fascinating.  Her personality becomes more and more apparent as she grows up, and visible traits become patterns rather than mere temporary phases.  In particular, her affinity to care for others seems to have become a permanent fixture in her behavioral library.

Many parents, teachers, babysitters, and other adults have labeled her as “very sweet," and I've  observed from a very young age how helpful and nurturing she naturally behaves toward other children.  She jumps at the chance to comfort some other child, especially when they are having trouble emotionally.  (And come on, when isn't someone crying somewhere in a room full of little rug rats?)  For instance, during the first few weeks of kindergarten my daughter dutifully sat and comforted a fellow student at recess when he was scared of his new school environment.  She behaved in this fashion even when she was barely old enough to talk.  “It otay, baby, it otay,” she’d murmur to a crying infant she'd just met.

(Author's note:  I won't tell you she doesn't have her, ahem, moments.  When it comes down to her own younger sibling, nurturing gets rather dicey.  That behavior depends largely on mood.  Just yesterday I heard her emit some pretty evil cackling noises when her brother couldn't have a toy he wanted.  But that's another matter for Dr. Spock... or Phil.)

As a child, people described me much the same way they perceive Emma:  sweet, caring, kind.
However, towards the end of high school and then into college, I became a bit cynical.   (Okay, really cynical.) I was tired of being “little miss nice girl.”  I really wanted to become tough, assertive, less sensitive and feeling.  I ached to build up a thick exterior that wouldn’t crack like a delicate egg shell every time someone criticized me.  My mother always bemoaned my vulnerability at the hands of others’ comments.  “Why do you have to be so sensitive all the time?” she’d ask me again and again.  And I'd get upset and wonder what was wrong with me.

So when I hit 16 or 17 and the time came to think of careers, becoming a tough litigator seemed particularly inviting.  And, in actually, a tough anything would've done it.  I was determined to become strong in persona, direct and indifferent; a tough bulldog versus a sweet golden retriever who simply pleased and cared for others.  Thus many of my original career images and goals were spun from a need to become, in essence, different.  I wanted to summon up the emotional resiliency I always felt I’d had in me and become the hard ass I was capable of becoming-- at 5'2".

In high school and into college I’d tell people the legal career I had in mind, to which many replied, “You’re too nice to become a litigator.”   Well that just fueled my fire!  Becoming a litigator became my mission.  And what I find so ironic, now that I am a career coach, is the fact that I was so misguided about litigators.  I now know many successful trial attorneys who are NOT tough, which is why they are so effective and win many a case!  Fortunately, I never did give law school a shot, as you may have read about in my previous blog, To Be or Not to Be.

So many people fall into the trap of pursuing a career they believe will transform them into the person they want to be, as opposed to who they truly are.  Fortunately for us stubborn little bulldogs, our true talents track us down, haunting us to the end until we relent.   In fact, it wasn’t until my 30’s and had my first child that I began to see a reverse side to trying to be the tough-skinned individual I craved so badly.  First of all, it wasn’t me.  Period.  The corporate sales world was indeed tough, and I didn't like it one bit.  The acting world was even tougher, and I felt reduced to cinders after every rejection, no matter how many ways I tried to psych myself into believing others' opinions really didn't matter.

Let's Hear It (Finally!) For Sensitivity

I eventually realized that I spent WAY too much energy trying to be something I wasn't.  I knew that I just wasn't bulldog material- no offense to the meek bulldogs out there, of course.  Rather, I was a golden retriever through and through:  loving, kind, caring, and, most interestingly, really really good at helping and motivating people, empowering others to craft solutions to their problems.  I finally understood that my intuitive, sensitive-to-others' feelings nature could be an asset, not a liability.

Directness, confidence and assertiveness started coming naturally, not by force-of-will.  My sensitivity, now allowed to flourish, quickly turned from an internal, negative focus to an external, positive, and effective force.  My self-esteem developed as I learned how my inborn preference for taking into account the feelings of others allowed me to "see" things that others with more utilitarian sensibilities could not detect.  In fact, many people who go into psychology-based fields have this same preference and ability. 

So now if my mother were to ask me why I'm so sensitive, I can matter-of-factly say, “because I am.  Isn't that great?  And it makes me a really good coach.”  I just had to realize how far empathy can take a person who sees its power.  Sensitivity to others can create fantastic opportunities.