Music Legend Levon Helm: Stick with the Fun Stuff

"I don't fool with a lot of things that I can't have fun with. There's not much reward in that. For instance, after we mixed the album that you couldn't hear over a speaker, I shied away from engineering, you might say." 

-Levon Helm

Drummer/ Singer/
Songwriter/ Actor

1984 interview with Modern Drummer

Blazing Your Own Trail

While I was a graduate student here in Washington, DC at the beginning of the new millennium, I drove daily along the battered end of North Capitol Street, where you could see the beautiful dome of The Capitol Building straight ahead, in the distance, just as you passed by the bullet proof glass protecting the Kentucky Fried Chicken Drive-Thru. 

Then, after turning off North Capitol Street onto D Street, I'd approach a crazy intersection that seemed to go in about 10 directions. That intersection was surrounded by abandoned buildings and scrappy little patches of grass (I absolutely wouldn’t call them lawns) where no one seemed to inhabit, save for the rose sellers or beggars who’d try to get you to roll down your window and give them hope in the form of loose change.

Now, like much of the revitalized District, the area is built up with steel corporate high rises replete with gleaming mirrored windows, luxury apartments and über hip fitness centers. But at the time of my trek to and from school, this confluence of roads couldn't be described as anything more than an urban eyesore. 

So it was no surprise that the one thing that stood out among this barren urban crossroads was a brightly painted message along the side of one crumbling, abandoned building:

“Do Not Follow Where the Path May Lead.  

Go Instead Where there is No Path and 

Leave a Trail.”

Now, you have to remember that this time period predated the proliferation of motivational quotes on Tumblr, Facebook and Pinterest, so I wasn't yet desensitized to the power of a pithy quotation. Instead, it truly intrigued me, and, more often than not, haunted me.

The anonymous graffiti artist didn't include the author of those words, but I soon discovered through research that it could be attributed to American poet and writer Muriel Strode (b. 1875.) I drove by that quote almost every day for three years, and each time I'd wonder what kind of trail I wanted to leave, and, more specifically, how I would leave it. Would it involve acting? Directing? Writing? Teaching? Or something else entirely?

It took me a few more years before I understood what kind of trail I wanted to leave, which, as you know, ended up falling mainly in the "something else entirely" category. And to this day that trail is always evolving and expanding, keeping things interesting. I'm constantly asking myself questions such as, How do I take my coaching practice to the next level? Make it more nuanced? How do I best deliver my service in a novel way? Who needs my career services the most? Will I need to carve out my niche market more intricately?

Even with these ongoing uncertainties, I can't describe how good it feels to have cracked the code, so to speak. It's wonderful knowing that my sweet spot lies in coaching; that I use some of my most valuable talents- that happen to be non-performing ones- to make a difference in others' lives. And, in that coming full-circle kind of way, I like the fact that my "trail" involves helping others blaze their own.

(Here's where I'm going to boldly imagine that Strode would've been pleased!)

I won't lie and say it's been easy; far from it. It has taken due diligence and a hefty sense of self to figure out what kind of path to create. And, undoubtedly, I couldn't have done it alone. Reaching out to others made a turn-of-the 20th century writer's words come to life for me. I realized that in order to create my own unique, individual path I needed the power of collaboration. While that may sound ironic, it actually makes sense given the communal nature of the creative process. And what is the process of designing our own career paths if not a creative one?

Ultimately, yes, it is our own creative hand that paints our life's legacy; however, we can always use the wisdom and support of others to inspire our creations. Seeking guidance is different than following footsteps; we're allowing the paths and knowledge of others to inform our choices, to navigate our way through obstacles, to help us design our own exciting, personalized paths.

Interestingly, the following is Strode's prequel to the above quote, which allows us to see the author's journey in arriving at her conviction to "leave a trail."

"I longed to build as you had builded, but I knew that your joy lay in the conception of your own design. 

I longed to follow where your feet had trod, but I had watched your exhilaration as you felled a new way.

I longed to do that thing you did and be that thing you are, but I knew life's complement was yours because you were yourself."

My Little Book of Prayer

Muriel Strode, 1904

I am eternally grateful for Strode's words so generously painted on an otherwise useless building. Her proclamation held me accountable to discover my own voice. And, because of that difficult search, it also led me to seek help in finding it.

So now I'll hand these thought provoking words over to you, with the hope that you'll feel embolden enough to blaze your own trail.

But hopefully they'll also beg the question:

Who will provide you with the tools to create that trail?

Notes:

*Strode's original quote was, "I do not follow where the path may lead, but I will go where there is no path and leave a trail" 

**Many have mistakenly credited this quote to Ralph Waldo Emerson.  

Racing Against Time?

Here in the frozen tundra, also known as Washington, D.C., it's been nice to have some indoor diversions. The 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi have dutifully entertained our family over the past couple of weeks, especially when frigid temperatures and multiple snow days have made it difficult to find something to do besides go sledding, make snowmen and lament yet another day off of school.

(That would be my husband and I lamenting, not my children.)

One theme at the center of the Olympic games is time. Athletes are either racing against it or making the most of the precious competition period they've been allotted. It's this high-stakes, temporal element, along with unbelievable athleticism, that provides us onlookers with a thrilling experience.

But time is tricky when it comes to discovering your career. Fast answers aren't always the best answers. Yes, of course, you have to pay the bills, so deciding on a job can certainly be a time sensitive task. But, more often than not, people are actually too hasty in their career choices, in all stages of life.

Ambitious young high school students don't want to hesitate in their response to an adult's question of "So, Young Lady/Man, what are your career plans?" Therefore many come up with whatever career sounds the most exciting and admirable.

(I myself could've won multiple awards for the doozies I drummed up.)

Then there are the older kids, students attending expensive colleges, (wait- isn't that a bit redundant?) who race to declare a major lest they appear to be wasting their parents money. However, according to the abysmal stats on graduation rates, length of time in school and limited use of selected majors post-graduation, it appears that those declared majors might as well have been chosen during a rousing drinking game of Quarters.

Grown-ups continue the trend of hasty choices as well, making career decisions reflecting their own social pressures: the proverbial rat race. Many adults fall prey to keeping up with their colleagues, racing to the next level, even if they don't know why they want to get there in the first place.

You know the old saying, "I don't know where I'm goin' but I'm sure making good time?"  I consider that the official motto for the rat race. And when asked the question, "So, how's your job going?" few people dare to be honest and say, "Well, it's okay, but I feel as if I need to explore other options more in line with my abilities."

Even those embarking on retirement feel pressure to have a response to "So, what are you going to do with all of that time on your hands?" I'd wager that, at their retirement party, 10 out of 10 employees prefer to say, "Play golf" as opposed to "I'm going to work with a coach to do some interest and talent exploration."

Talk about a party buzz killer!

In other words, it's marvelously expeditious- if not expected- to make a career or life decision just so you can say you've made a decision. 

But it takes courage to take the time to wonder, especially out loud, what you need to do to satisfy your talents.

The solution, obviously, is not to slap a giant yellow "UNDECLARED" post-it note on your head, clap your hands and call it a life. Instead, it means having the guts to ask for help in creating a purposeful, thoughtful exploration of what you want- or need- to do with your time, abilities and interests.

Because unlike the Olympics, there is no race to the finish line. Acknowledge this by allowing yourself some guided reflection time. Take advantage of opportunities to assess your abilities, gather unbiased information from those who share your interests and ask yourself some pointed, educated questions.

And if your wondering about the payoff...

It's worth its weight in gold.


photo credits: via Creative Commons, wikimedia
speed skaters
pixabay 
frat party via Flickr
golf course
post-it note
gold medal

A Super Bowl of Talent

As we head into Super Bowl Sunday 2014, I thought a great football quote by sportswriter extraordinaire, David Epstein, would be à propos.

In his most recent book, The Sports Gene, Epstein writes about athletic ability and the complex combination of raw talent and hard work that go into world class athleticism.  The following quote comes from an interview Mr. Eptsein gave with EconTalk's Russell Roberts:

"...what sports are and should be is an attempt to get the most out of what someone's gifts are and see how they can be used uniquely. 

And there are not only all these different sports, but different positions within the different sports. 

Look at a football field. You almost have the extremes of the human physique represented on the field at one time. 

And I just find that to be really cool and fascinating, and a big departure from the early 20th-century idea that the average body type was the best for all endeavors and that anything that deviated from that was basically a mistake."

Click here for Mr. Epstein's phenomenal interview.

Enjoy!
-Katie

p.s. Please do not tell my husband that I used "à propos" and "Super Bowl Sunday" in the same sentence. He would not be pleased.

Multi-talented You (Yes, You!!!)

Despite what many believe, we all have multiple talents that are just sitting there waiting for us to use them- personally and professionally. We can also play several important roles at any given time in our life while using many different talents in varying degrees.  

As you're well aware, countless studies show that we thrive better when we allow ourselves to live in a multi-dimensional way, dividing our time between family, friends, hobbies, side interests AND professional fulfillment.  After all, we are anything but one dimensional human beings, so why live as if we are? Besides, success in one area often motivates us to thrive in another.

"But I Don't Have Any Talents (much less multiple ones)!!!!"

I've heard many people say to me, when they hear about my work in natural talents and abilities, "Oh, I don't have any natural talents." Or "my brother got all the talent in our family." And how many times have you heard people say, "I don't have real talent, I just work hard."

Latest Winners, Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough

But the truth is that we all have talents. They may not be as obvious to us as say, throwing a fastball like Stephen Strasburg, or possessing moves worthy of Dancing With the Stars,

but they are there; when we know how they all fit together, they are powerful!  

Imagine if we were all to throw away our preconceived notions about our lack of talent and learn instead about the ones we possess. We could not only thrive but make the world a better place by confidently expressing those multiple talents.

Want some of my celebrity examples? Below are features about two fantastic athletes with some pretty obvious talents: baseball player, Jayson Werth of the Washington Nationals (Go Nats!!!) and LA Lakers basketball player, Steve Nash. But more than just shine light on their evident abilities, these articles highlight the talents we don't see on the ball field or basketball court. 

But, IMHO, those hidden, less obvious talents are the best ones! Talents like selling, persuading, motivating, facilitating, promoting, researching, managing, nurturing, protecting, trouble shooting, tweaking, and creating are ones that you can discover in yourself and develop to their fullest potential. And who knows where these abilities could lead once you discover how they work in combination with one another.

After all, your unique cocktail of talents may not grace the cover of Esquire Magazine like those of Leonardo DiCaprio, but who says you can't be a superstar in your own way? 

Via Flickr

CLICK HERE for Jayson Werth's story

Via Flickr

CLICK HERE for Steve Nash's story

p.s. I am always on the hunt for fascinating people who make use of their multiple talents, personally and professionally. Know of anyone? (Maybe it's you!)  If so, please share! Leave a comment.

Thanks,

Katie

Make It Your Own

If there's one thing I learned from my 12 years of professional acting it's this:

Don't go into professional acting.

I'm kidding! 

(kind of...)

And the second most important thing I learned is this:

Whatever you do, make it your own. 

I thought of the latter when I watched a video of these two young men playing the Lennon/McCartney song, "Let it Be":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-5XOCMpUwA

Enjoy!
-Katie

Dining Room Etiquette, Little Heinies and Illusional Careers

Telling me never to assume never works, because I will always forget.

via Brian Smithson
(and not our dining room)

Recently, we turned the dining room into my office.  This meant, of course, that we'd not have a dining room in which to eat.  (Logic works that way.)  At first I was fine with that notion, but it became increasingly apparent that eating in the kitchen on our island was not working.  First of all, it felt too crowded, and I noticed that the kids were quickly losing their sense of decorum and propriety while eating.  (Oh wait, that would mean they had some to begin with....  Well, whatever.  That's for another post.)  So this weekend we boldly made our sitting room into our dining room.

We live on the wild side around here...

Norman Rockwell
and not our turkey either

Now for my assumption. I'd naively assumed that once the children were seated at the dining room table for dinner, they'd feel as if they should behave a bit more formally and properly since they were in a more formal and proper setting.  It really made sense to me, as I've been told logic works that way. After all, studies have shown that if you change a person's environment, you may be able to change his or her behavior as well.

Thus Saturday night we all sat down to a wonderfully prepared meal, courtesy of me, of course.  It was all very exciting!  But before we even picked up our forks my three year-old decided to chuck a couple of carrots across the room to the dog.  Which is when I uttered that insanely over-used term, "Really?!"

I was almost too stunned to admonish this absurd behavior. He didn't even do that when we ate in the kitchen! But then the thought occurred to me, why would I be surprised?

After all, this is the same little man that almost- and I repeat, almost- used our newly gifted, crisp white hand towel to wipe his heinie. Thank heavens I stepped in just in the nick of time. ("But we're out of toilet paper, Mama!" was his reasoning.  I then discovered that the toilet paper was all- and I mean all- in the toilet.)

Which is why I now understand the phrase, "Don't eat the daisies;" sometimes you have to anticipate poor judgement no matter what logic dictates. And why we now have a "reasonable amount of toilet paper in the toilet" rule.  And a hand towel-on-heinie prohibition.

Yes I Do Have a Career Point to Make...

I had some serious pie-in-the-sky assumptions in college too.  For example, I imagined certain careers to be the ultimate in life.  Anything in the international arena, diplomacy, law and the like, seemed as if they were my dream jobs.  And why would I assume otherwise?  I'd always heard my family talking about my great grandfather's fascinating career as an Ambassador from Mexico to countries all over the world.  He also founded the Organization of American States, housed in a beautiful and prominent building on Independence Avenue. Moreover my grandfather had a revered international career as well. To a young person, nothing could be more glamorous.

The OAS by Gerry Dincher

And currently, as I work here in the Washington, DC area, I am always amazed at how many "exciting" careers exist here.  Attaches, foreign service officers, politicians, lobbyists on Capitol Hill, diplomats, scholars, policy wonks, FBI, Secret Service, CIA agents, journalists and global leaders alike call Washington, DC their home. (Just to name a few.) For a Political Science and French Major, it could seem a sumptuous feast of vocational paths.

However, I look at those careers completely differently now that I'm older and in the career specialty field.  While those vocations certainly hold a lot of cache and may even make a lot of people extremely satisfied, I realize that, for me, they merely represent once-revered images from my childhood and early adulthood.  When I think of the daily functions that these people perform, I now know that it's not for me.

Oh Paris

That being said, would it be cool to say that I was the Cultural Attache for the French Embassy?  Or perhaps that I was a Foreign Correspondant?  Of course!  But on closer observation it's not really the great match I thought it would be when I was in high school and college.  I'd prefer not to fill my days with those particular functions or the subject area of foreign policy.   I still find the field pretty fascinating, as I did in college, but not to delve into on a daily basis.

For example, when I read many of the journals and blogs of those with Embassy careers I can tell these individuals love their subjects.  In fact, they may love it as much as I love my field of career design.  But I don't regret not going the route I dreamed of in college because sometimes dreams are not as pleasurable in reality as they are in ones mind. Furthermore, there are often careers out there that could be more fulfilling to you than the ones you've fantasized about since you were five.  Sometimes you actually need to get to the essence of why you had that dream in the first place.

Camdiluv ♥

The difference between an image of a career (the respect it garners, the way you think you'd feel in a certain role, and how you've imagined yourself looking in that role) versus a real, living breathing career is this:  the genuine one embraces who you are as a whole, including your strengths and weaknesses.

Of course, sometimes peoples' dream careers and their actual careers are practically one and the same.  We are all too familiar with people who dream of a career as a child of three, find that it's a great fit when they are ten and amass fortune and fame from that career for the rest of their life.  The media loves to splash these individuals' lives in our faces, making the self-directed-amazing-lifetime-career phenomenon seem far more prevalent than it really is.

Obviously, if that perfect dream-it-and-live-happily-ever-after career path happened all the time I would certainly not be in business!  Nor would there be so many people-as much as 70% of the working population- who feel unsatisfied with their work.

So what is the difference between an image and reality?  Well, in the first example we have the idealistic, formal dining room behavior image versus the living, breathing, carrot-chucking behavior.  In terms of career ideation, here's a specific example: I can casually pick up a book about foreign policy, and find it very interesting as a subject, but I lose track of time in a book about human potential.  In fact, I find myself reading psychology-centered and career books for work and for fun.  And I love to talk to people about their potential more than I love to talk to people about foreign policy issues.

Yes, I fill my life with interesting things that don't necessarily relate to my career coaching practice, like singing, painting, theatre, reading fiction, interior design, planning events and taking photographs.  However, I do find that I'm always thinking about peoples' talents and personalities and interests no matter what I am doing.  I suppose that's how I know that discovering new ways to help people is just woven into the fabric of my being.

I must finish with this, however.  My daughter told her dad the other day that when she grows up she wants to help people with their careers.  (That was a first from my seven year-old.  Previously she'd wanted to be a farmer.)  Then she added, "Luckily I have a mom who can tell me if I have the right personality for it."

I have to admit that is pretty cool.

"Mommy, Why Can't Girls Be President?"

Flickr

This question came from my seven year-old daughter's mouth, just the other day.

And then came my response, "Oh they can, Sweetie.  But, ummmmm....  Hmmm.  Let me think about that."

There are a million things I could have told her, but where does one even begin?

Since she was born, I had naively hoped that she would never question whether girls were as smart or capable as boys, or whether women could be just as effective leaders as men.  We're so much farther along than when I was her age, after all.  But, silly me, I had forgotten that numbers speak for themselves:

Male Presidents of the United States: 44
Female Presidents of the United States: zippo

Flickr

So why wouldn't she start asking questions like that?

Now, to make matters worse, here are the numbers for female corporate leadership representation  (note, she's not been privy to these stats yet):

Percentage of women in the U.S. labor force: 46.3%
Percentage of female Fortune 500 corporate officers: 15.4%
Percentage of female Fortune 500 CEO's: 2.4%

Sheesh.

(Click here to read the rest: http://www.womenonbusiness.com/new-us-women-in-business-statistics-released-by-catalyst/)

But back to the conversation at hand.  I managed to continue my response with:  "Women can most certainly be President.  There are female presidents in other countries for example.  However, here in the United States we've not had very many women run for President.  And to be President you have to be elected."

I decided not to throw out heavy hitters such as "sexism, patriarchal society, domesticity, women's suffrage, and historical ramifications of misogyny."  I thought that might be a bit much for a second grader.

But I dread the next question I'm going to get once she hears that the 19th Amendment wasn't added to the Constitution until 1920, which is:  "Why weren't women even allowed to vote, mommy?"

My answer will probably be something short and sweet like, "because the men running the show were ignorant- or afraid of-women's capabilities, honey." This barely scratches the surface, of course.

******************

As a career coach, I help individuals pursue a personally challenging and healthy path to professional fulfillment.  And although I absolutely encourage clients to pursue whatever career they design,  I wouldn't quite call running for President of United States the healthiest of all pursuits, especially for women.  Though male presidential candidates are under an unprecedented amount of personal scrutiny, women face sexism above and beyond the frenzied media probing.  For this reason alone, I am hardly surprised women are not coming out in droves wanting to run for Congress, much less for the Presidency.  I personally would rather have a root canal on each of my teeth than put up with the ummm... let's call them "shenanigans"... that go along with political campaigns.

Yet we all know the irony:  if more women who, generally speaking, have an innate ability to bring people together and decrease friction, don't enter the political arena, we'll stay put in our divisive American politics with a paucity of female presence.  Furthermore, once we gain gender diversity, problem solving will evolve to a much more sophisticated level than it remains today.

But in the meantime, I'm doing my little part with my daughter.  I show her how I share my talents by helping people thrive in their careers and lives.  I help her appreciate her joys in life and what makes for good brain candy.  I'm careful not to put down any career as "unworthy" or, at the other end, completely unattainable; she's only seven, for Pete's sake!  Even pro basketball is fair game in my opinion (and I can honestly say this only because she's is in the 5th percentile in height and has shown NO interest.)

As for the mother/daughter discussion of no female presidents, I borrowed a clever little book, Grace for President, from the local library.  It's a small step, but at least it's a step, in my own home.  And I'm not embarrassed to say that I cried a little bit when we read the book together.

Here's to the next generation of women:  may you have the choice to do whatever it is you are meant to do.

http://www.amazon.com/Grace-President-Kelly-DiPucchio/dp/B001Q3M5RQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1318971658&sr=8-1

Gotta Love the Crossed Eye

I'm going to describe someone to you and you get to guess what his profession is.

Ready?

Alright...

Get set...

Go!

*Enthusiastic
*Motivational
*Friendly
*Lively
*Warm
*Personable
*Knowledgeable
*Thorough
*Intelligent

Any clue yet?

How about:

*Communicative
*Fast Paced
*Quick thinker
*Reassuring
*Science lover
*Fascinated by physics
*Gregarious

And, lastly:

*Sports fan
*Consultant to star athletes like baseball player Christian Guzman, soccer legend Mia Hamm, and former Redskins player, Clinton Portis.
*Has been featured on major news stations

Have you figured out his profession yet?

Well, if you guessed "optometrist," you would be correct.  And if you said, "one who specializes in sports vision," well then, you are a freakin' genius!

Thankfully, this optometrist also works with everyday blokes, including those who are blessed with a crossed eye.

And that would be me.

Turning 40 has brought with it all sorts of interesting problems, only one of which I will mention in this blog.  (And when a crossed eye is your least embarrassing issue, you know things are kind of bad.)  I discovered I had this problem, also known as Esotropia, within two weeks of turning 40, so I absolutely blame it on age.  And why not?  Aging pretty much sucks when it comes to physical deterioration.

I didn't know I had this Esotropia deal until I went to an optometrist, because neither I nor anyone who looked at me could tell that my right eye invariably turned inward.  I just knew it was increasingly difficult for me to focus a few feet in front of me.  Fortunately I found this vision specialist, Dr. Smithson.  Although he mainly deals in Pediatric and Sports Vision Optometry, he has helped little ol' crossed eyed me.

But what really struck me when I first met him was his dynamic and enthusiastic personality.  This is the only health care provider that has made me feel really interested in his area of specialty.  His enthusiasm is catching!  Moreover,  he made me want to do my little exercises that take up precious free time.  If anyone else had told me that I would have to spend several hundred dollars on a software program that eats up 20 minutes of my time every day I would've groaned in agony.  Because seriously, who has the money and time for that??  If it's not going to make me skinnier, richer, smarter or more attractive why bother?  (This is where the superficial side of me rears its ugly head.)

I realized what a persuasive and motivational person he was when I came home and told my husband about the prescribed eye therapy.  Here's a snippet of our conversation:

Husband:  So how did your eye appointment go?  Do you need to be kicked in the head by a mule to make your eye uncross?

Me:  Very funny! Nope,  I have this great new program that is going to fix it.

Husband:  Really?  What?

Me:  It's a software program that I'll use every day to correct my eye from turning inward.  It's kind of like a video game.

Husband:  Hmmm... sounds interesting.  How much did it cost?

Me:  $500.

Husband:  Wow.

Me:  Yeah, it really was expensive.  But it's my eyesight we're talking about!

Husband:  I know, I know, it's fine. But it did cost more than I thought it would.  And what about the time commitment?  How long will it take?

Me:  20 minutes a day for the next few months.

Husband:  Really?


(This is where it starts to dawn on me that perhaps I'd been duped by my eye doctor.  Somehow he'd goaded me into thinking I was fortunate to be doing these eye exercises!)


Me:  Yeah.... I guess it is kind of a raw deal, isn't it?  I hadn't really thought of it that way until now.

And really, it does kind of stink to have to spend time and dollars on this therapy I'd never thought I'd need.  But you know, every time I go in to see Dr. Smithson, he always has a way of encouraging me to keep at my exercises, to keep trying new tricks, to give me different solutions to my obstacles.  In essence, he makes me believe that I can overcome this problem, even when I feel like I'm getting nowhere.  And that positivity helps me keep in mind how fortunate I am to have an alternative to surgery.

So, you may wonder, why am I telling you about all this cross-eyed nonsense?  Because I find it's so refreshing when someone loves what they do, when they take what could be a mundane or boring day of appointments and make it lively and enjoyable for themselves and their patients.  Other optometrists I've seen throughout my life just go through the motions.  They don't seem nearly as captivated by their subject or their patients' problems and definitely not very enthusiastic about helping them overcome those problems.  My guess is they probably don't have a great career fit.   Or, if they do have a fairly good fit, they don't see how they can make it a great fit by tweaking a few things.  Specializing in something they are fascinated by can make all the difference.

Which is why Dr. Smithson has received this kind of praise for his work:

"...one of the most energetic, professional, knowledgeable and most importantly, thorough clinicians I've ever worked with. In any medical discipline."
-Eric Waters Head Athletic Trainer, Washington Wizards

"After my first appointment with Dr. Smithson, it was obvious that he was not your typical eye doctor... Dr. Smithson's experience and personable disposition far exceeded my expectations.... "  

-Brian Bocock Philadelphia Phillies shortstop

Pretty telling, huh?  Coach/motivator/ eye specialist/problem solver is how I'd begin to describe Dr. Smithson.  Can you really label him as just an optometrist?  Of course not.  And that's why I find job titles extremely limiting.  They don't adequately describe what elements allow a person to be outstanding in a given field.

I can see why professional athletes and coaches turn to him for making a difference in their careers .  He followed his talents and his fascinations, which makes him a superstar in his own right.  Who isn't motivated by someone like that?

Be Your Own Genius

Much has already been written about the life and death of Steve Jobs, yet I can't help but continue to ruminate such a life and loss. I was quite saddened when I first heard about Mr. Jobs passing away, and I continue to feel his absence.  He offered so much inventiveness and hope for America in our time of need.  He strengthened my faith that excellent design and innovation allow companies (and individuals) to thrive and make the world a better place.

Although we have lost a great soul, and a genius of a soul at that, I am absolutely sure of something else that comforts me:  we all have "what it takes" to be a genius in our own right.  We each have the potential to innovate if we recognize and accept the talents we possess and dare to use those talents wisely. When we create ourselves by streamlining, harnessing, and giving power to our personal resources, we begin to solve problems no one else can solve, we invent fresh new paradigms for the future and challenge the tried and not-so-true.

Jobs' personal resources didn't include a college degree, family money or inherited connections to powerful people.  Rather, his resources were not that uncommon.  In fact, many of you reading this post possess quite a few of his attributes but don't even realize it!  That's because our society doesn't emphasize learning and appreciating what truly makes us tick; therefore, unless we work with someone who knows about aptitudes and talents, we never learn how to know ourselves in the most effective, mobilizing way.

So what made Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs?  As with all human beings, the possible explanations are infinite.  However, most notable was his irrepressible fascination with design and technology, and fusing them to form the ultimate user experience.  Furthermore, he collaborated with other extremely gifted designers, innovators and scientists to create nothing short of magic.

What did Jobs bring to the collaborative table? He possessed qualities such as persuasiveness, enthusias hyper focus, calculated risk-taking, passionate vision, determination, and singular commitment.   And, of course, there was the more highly publicized traits such as forceful initiative, gumption and nerve.  Fortunately, as he grew older, these traits developed into beautifully nuanced versions of their original forms.

But other, less visible abilities were vital to his outstanding achievements:  highly fluid thinking, a specialization preference, editorial prowess, team building, maestro tendencies,  divergent and convergent thinking capabilities, gut hunches, keen awareness of flaws, inventiveness, visualizing possibilities, creating unheard of scenarios, and careful discernment of ideas and designs.

Just to name a few.

But here's the good news:  we all have our own combination of abilities that need to be recognized and put to use.  So find out what combinations make you tick.  And thrive. And create.

Just remember, however, that mobilizing your personal, unique resources doesn't come without a price.  Jobs showed us, on many occasions throughout his lifetime, that being openly distinct in thought and action can create friction.  It can piss people off.  It makes people uncomfortable and usually makes them think we're nuts.  In fact, some members of the media have said throughout Jobs' life that he had a "madness" when it came to feeling strongly about the intersection of design and technology.  Of course, some of it was, understandably, a reaction to his unique emotional intensity and focus, but much of it was apprehension to Jobs' visions of the future.

As we've seen with Apple, this friction, this passion for new possibilities, breaks down walls and allows new ideas and products and services to evolve.  Some products flop, some ideas are rejected, and others are home runs.  Being willing to look kind of foolish, dreamy, and eccentric to others may indeed make magic happen in the long run. Unfortunately for those of us with a bit less gumption than say, Steve Jobs, going against the grain may be the hardest journey we'll ever take.  But it could also be one of the best.

So I say, we must take our backbones to task! We must plunge into knowing, finding, and then being ourselves.  Instead of envying and copying others, we need to dig up our own inner resources.  The world needs our authenticity, not our need to superficially please others (family, friends, colleagues) for the sake of status or validation.  We must embrace our own way of thinking, strengths, weaknesses, fascinations and needs.  Otherwise there is no vision for personal, technological, economic, artistic, or intellectual evolution, only mediocrity.

Those indifferent to their own strengths race like rats to pursue already-laid paths, many of them on a sole mission to fulfill someone else's expectations.  Others strive solely to make a lot of money, gain power and achieve "success" in the most unimaginative terms.

Talk about a waste of personal resources!

But then there are others, like Mr. Jobs, who let his fascinations and his unstoppable drive for innovation overcome his own doubts and fears.

Now here's to you and your own genius within.  Recognize it. Appreciate it. And use it wisely.

Hell Froze Over in Cabin Number Five

I know this because I stayed in this damp, dismal place this past weekend. This was the one part of my scout leader responsibilities I had been dreading.  Everything else this year has really been fantastic.  But this night was awful. And, to make matters worse, I was suffering from a bad cold and seasonal allergies.  Though I know these factors worsened an already beleaguered situation, I have no desire to try any outdoor overnight adventure when I'm well again.

I learned quite definitively that camping isn't my thing.  Or my daughter's thing apparently, as she was awake as much as I was.  She whimpered in the darkness of the pitch black cabin, and I shivered from the damp cold air seeping in the window beside me.

The one benefit, I realize in retrospect, was that we certainly had a lot of together time: we shared a less-then-twin bed since she was too afraid to sleep in her own bed 2 feet away from me.  I know I'll wish for that cuddle time someday, but that night I couldn't appreciate my fleeting gift.  Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't move lest I wake her up and therefore begin the whole, "there's no need to be scared" routine again.  However, I was so congested and just wanted to breathe freely, that I finally made my move, only to find my stash of kleenexes were wedged under her torso.

Fie you, vengeful camping gods!!

Needless to say, hardy, I am not.  At least in the outdoorsy, rugged sense.  And I was a little down on myself because of it.   I mean, couldn't I just buck up a little?  After all, many of the other women had fared just fine.

A fellow leader offered some helpful insight the following morning.  I had just told her that while I enjoyed the daytime part of the camp tremendously, I really didn't like the sleepover portion.  This led her to tell me about her own experience growing up.  Her mom was wonderful at camping with the Girl Scouts; however, she didn't have an ounce of desire to lead the regular Girl Scout meetings.  She was happy to take the troop camping several times a year as long as she didn't have to worry about being involved with the monthly meetings.  The troop leaders were more than pleased, as that meant they were off the hook.

The leader finished by saying to me, "So you see, we all have our strengths, right?"

(Hey... does she read my blog??!)

I thought about what she said and it dawned on me that perhaps being rugged and hardy could be a bit overrated.  While I really enjoy planning and leading the girls in activities and lessons, I detest having a Daddy Long Leg crawl up my back while I'm breathing in pollen and mold-filled air. (I know, I really should be a spokesperson for the National Camping Society, shouldn't I?) And why can't I hate sleeping outdoors?  Does that make me a wimp?

Don't answer that question.

It's good that I at least gave it a shot this time around, because I actually do love to be outdoors.  Just during the day, apparently.  And I wanted my daughter to experience camping because... I don't know... every young girl should??  But next time, I'm finding some hardy mothers and fathers who enjoy sleeping in rustic cabins and burrowing in sleeping bags that have been recently resurrected from musty attics.  I myself have nothing more to prove and shall stick to what I'm comfortable with: indoor adventures and hotel amenities.  And I'm totally okay with that.

Create Your Vision

I envision...

A world without fear of individual prowess.  Where group think takes a backseat to collaborative efforts.

A society that cares more about growing individual talent versus manufacturing standardized goals for all.

A growing confidence in our own nation-wide abilities, rather than vying for someone else's resources.

A community that has the courage to stand up to the disillusionment of "Impossible" and make something real and necessary.

A time when teenagers can truly cultivate their own identities and not care about fitting in with the cliques, the brainiacs, the fashionistas, the artistes, the music geeks, the preps, the hipsters, the class clowns, or the jocks.  Those teenagers, realizing they cannot be reduced to a label, become the next innovators.

A generation that grows up without fear of living up to someone elses standards-monetarily or otherwise.  Those children, as they grow into adulthood, will have the creative fuel to invoke new paradigms for age-old problems.

A better means to teach young people what they need to know instead of what they "should know," as dictated by a few.  But this requires...

A progressive, palpable urge to uncover treasures within our children, their fascinations, and how they can share these treasures with others.
 
A life in which I convince others to dive deeper into their own oceans, discover and appreciate their hidden abilities, and use those discoveries to create themselves.

These are mine.  Now what are yours?

A Tribute Fit For A King

Here's to the man who said, "Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

Wired Magazine's Steven Levy Says It Best

How I Stepped in It Big Time

 

research.ibm.com

Wondering what I mean by "it?"

Okay, just imagine you are a city girl going to the country for the first time in your fancy Jimmy Choo stilettos and you decide it would be cool to prance around in a bucolic pasture of ginormous cows.  (You aren't a very smart city girl, apparently.)  And the next thing you know, as you pirouette your way past Bessie grazing blissfully on a mouthful of grass, you have landed in a big ol' pile of...

You see where I'm going with this, right?

So anyway, I stepped in a very big pile when I replied "yes" to an email requesting unit leaders for my daughter's day camp.

I thought, how bad could it be?  Just take the little gals from group activity to group activity, bond with my daughter and no problemo.

Problemo was, that doesn't begin to describe what the job actually entailed.  How did I fail to know this?  Because I failed to ask, "what does that entail?"  The only thoughts going through my mind were emotional, not factual: daughter, bonding experience, they neeeeeed me, blah blah blah.  If you'll recall I'm an ENFP, so my go-to decision-making uses the Feeling Preference, which means my heart can override my brain when left unattended.

As you can probably gather, Ol' Feeling was left unattended.  I'd already committed myself before asking about the details and facts of the situation.  I quickly discovered that the volunteer position actually entailed about 40 hours of prep and planning, on top of the 40 hours spent actually at the camp.  Oh, that and the fact that 24 girls were in each unit, and there were 200 total in the camp.  Woooaaa Bessie!

If only I'd bothered to ask about the details of the day-to-day requirements (for example, that I'd have to plan 36 hours of curriculum for six to eight year olds in rain or shine weather,) my decision would have at least been well-informed.  Had I known the enormous time commitment I would never have signed on, despite the pitiful cries from the leaders of the camp saying that our daughters couldn't have a camp without parent volunteers.  I would've just turned on the Thinking Side of my brain which would've said, "So what?  She misses out on a camp. No big deal, we'll go to the pool."

Now, on the other hand, and this is the second part of this post (hereafter entitled, "What I Learned From Camp") I'm kinda sorta glad I stepped in it.  I suppose the impulsive, bleeding heart, sucker-born-every-minute Feeling Side of me didn't do such a terrible job.  First of all, I ended up being able to learn more about my daughter, what engages her and what she is capable of.  I never would've really known had I not been in the trenches.  (And, Baby, was I in the trenches!) I can really appreciate how well-behaved and talented she really is.  I think I take that for granted sometimes.

Secondly, I met an incredibly interesting and inventive guy, a former marine, that can make almost anything out of, well, almost anything.  He was my co-leader who also became my saving grace.  He and I forged through the week battling not only some whiny hiny kids and a completely disorganized camp infrastructure, but also the blazing sun, humidity, mosquitoes, threats of thunderstorms, and a bathroom full of wasps.


Despite these obstacles we succeeded in creating a really great curriculum.  We climbed a fort, visited horse stables, learned about cumulus clouds, weather patterns, butterflies, lightning and tornadoes.  We made some kick-ass volcanoes, silly putty, ice cream, compasses, and, for the grand finale, we performed a musical review complete with glitter laden props.


(Do you really think I could get through a week at camp without incorporating glitter?  Or putting on some sort of musical spectacle?)



Collaborate and Survive

My co-leader and I couldn't be any more different in personality but we both share a determination to make the best out of any situation.  Best of all, we both possess a strong affinity for sarcasm and irreverent humor, which is probably why we can make the best out of any situation.  Instead of wallowing in camp hell (which was the first day) we managed to combine our talents and teach the girls creativity, friendship, coping skills, manners, animals, pioneering, flag folding, music, science, weather, theatre, and grace-under-fire.

My co-leader made it a special point to use his big old army knife for pretty much everything.  (They're quite versatile I discovered.  I'd get one if I thought I could keep all of my fingers.)  I made it a special point to teach the rules of engagement, of course.  I could tell there were some girls well on their way to becoming the future BMW's of the adult work world.  So why not at least try to pre-empt it?  We saw some major improvement over the week.  It felt good to make a positive difference in young lives.

In retrospect, I realize I paid a small price (80 hours of my time and some income) for committing to something before asking for clarifications.  And yes, it all worked out splendidly in the end.  But compare that to a a much bigger conundrum:  when we embark on a career path such as one that includes grad school without doing much research.  Talk about a huge price to pay!  We waste gargantuan amounts of time, money, and mental well-being when we jump into career path without gaining insight into what that career path entails.  Sure, trial and error plays a big part in discovering a path that fits, but a lot of the error is totally unnecessary. Just talk to anyone who has stepped in to a law career that sucks the soul out of them.  They wish they'd done a bit more research before going to law school in the first place.

This week's experiences also remind me of the challenges my clients face as they leap into new careers:  adversity, fatigue (because nobody has loads of free time to work on career transitioning without losing some sleep,) doubt, frustration when hitting obstacles, you name it....  Yet these same people are no less than heroes when they come out transformed, emboldened and on a mission to take ownership of their lives.  Whether they are creating their own paths or jumping into a new company from scratch, they are taking risks.  But it's worth the self-doubt and confusion, because in the end change has happened.  Heroes are all about facing the unknown, and, in turn, change.  Without it where would we be?

(Still rubbing stones together to make a fire and muttering incoherently to each other I suppose.)

I don't know if I'll embark on this camping adventure next year.  We'll see about that.  But I do know that I've really grown this past week.  So I guess I should pat myself on the back for that...

And I'm thinking that pat on the back will be in the form of a manicure and pedicure.  My nails are pretty much camped out.

Crapshooting My Way Through

Here's my Important Question for the Day:

What's the difference between a crapshoot and parenting?

Answer:  At least with craps you have a chance of winning.

(For those of you who don't have kids, don't I make it sound enticing?) 

Becoming a parent has been the most humbling path I've ever taken, always presenting me with new opportunities for self-doubt and flagellation.   Fresh from a career in acting (talk about self-doubt and flagellation!) I never had extra self-esteem lying around to begin with, so now my confidence level (as far as parenting is concerned- in all other areas it's great) frequently scrapes the bottom of the barrel.   I constantly wonder if I'm being too soft, too hard, too lenient, too strict, too doting, too hands-off, over or under nurturing, and so forth.  What if I do the wrong thing?  Say the wrong thing?  Will they resent me for it later on?  I can just hear my daughter, at age 30, saying to me, "remember when you made me eat vegetables?  Now I have a life threatening phobia of eggplant for which I'm in psychotherapy seven days a week!  Thanks for the memories, Mom!"

Oh, the pressure.

However, I will consent that there are some things that I, as a parent, can get right without sending my children into therapy by age ten and which I will never regret.  One of them is telling them I love them (because I do, like crazy,) and another is teaching them the rules of engagement.  If you'll recall from my former post, these rules dictate that adults must assume responsibility for knowing what engages their talents.  And, hopefully, if all goes well, my kids will make it to adulthood in one piece and might just become responsible to boot. 

Moreover, along this road to maturity, they'll need to learn how to recognize what their brains need to do to function successfully.  They'll need to detect what motivates them, what mentally drains them, and what makes them lose track of time they're having so much fun.  So my goal?   To give them the tools and the opportunities to do so.

This is easier said than done, of course.  For, along with trying desperately to get them to like more than chicken nuggets,  I find that it's difficult to navigate the complexities of innate preference versus a reticence to try new things. My daughter, for one, is an innate perfectionist (the apple falleth not far from the tree) and getting her to try an activity that she can't perfect right away is like pulling teeth from a lion.  I dance a soft shoe when it comes to letting her discover, on her own, the joys of imperfection vs. nudging her to try something she is hesitant to try. 

On the other hand, my son, who is only two, has less fear of trying something new.  (Even at age two my daughter had reservations about performing unknown tasks.)  But my little guy seems to have no inhibitions about launching himself from the top of the couch to the floor, for example, or taking a new bike out for a spin, or climbing to the highest point in any room.  Is this a boy thing?  Probably, but it's still a clue about who he is.  And I've already determined that he is a monkey.  A monkey who is really good at doing puzzles.  (I'm really good at this stuff, aren't I?)

Here are some more clues I look for in the "what are they drawn to do?" category:

What excites them?  What gets them fired up?  (Besides sugar.)  

What makes them laugh?  


Where do they enjoy going?  What do they like to do when there?  For instance, do they like to put things in their place when we go to the toy store or do they like to combine things and form combinations with different toys?  My daughter likes to bring together many different little toys and make them form deep, lasting relationships with each other by the time we leave.  My son likes to make sure every car or machine can make a vrrroommmm sound, go fast, and then make sure they play together. 


How do they wind down and then get recharged?  Reading books?  Riding on a bike?  Playing ball?  Being around people?


How do they relate to their classmates?  Are they more independent or do they play with one or two kids or five or six all at once?  


Do they prefer team sports or individual pursuits?  Or perhaps no sports at all?


What do they enjoy creating? Performing?  Conquering? 


How much competition do they enjoy?

Getting answers to the above questions allows me and my husband to foster these proclivities.  We sign them up for what we can based on what they might enjoy.  And we throw in some curve balls just because.  Last year my daughter said she wanted to play soccer so of course we said, "sure!"  She mostly braided her hair the whole time the ball was whizzing by, but that's okay.  Maybe next year she'll move to braiding everyone else's hair.

This, to me, is the fun part of parenting.  I love watching them develop into little people who will then become big people with fully expressed talents and preferences and interests.  I know that I will look back and wish that I could've done certain things differently, but at least I can say that I was paying attention to what they wanted for themselves, not just what I wanted for them.  And that makes me feel like I might not lose completely.

The Universal Appeal... of My Purse

Yes, it's really come to this:  my purse as a metaphor for career design.

But stay with me here, because I need to tell you how my gloriously-designed handbag truly embodies everything good and holy about what I do for a living.

The visceral reactions this purse elicits demonstrate how close we can get to universally appealing design, whether it's careers or handbags.  Everyone compliments me on this fine specimen of a purse, a gift from my fashion-savvy sister.  (And yes, this is the same one that wore questionable outfits as child.)  I must have received at least a compliment or two per day for the past eight months. As you can see from the above photo, this fabulous purse, who I will hereafter refer to as "Rosie" - because "purse" doesn't quite do it- possesses shine, vivid color, texture, three dimensionality, and that je ne sais quois which attracts quite a following.

No, as I've sworn to countless individuals, it's not a Valentino, which, I'm told, prices out in the thousands.  (Little Sis' loves me, but not that much.)  Still, I get compliments from such a wide range of people it's uncanny.  Rosie has elicited glorious responses from people of all walks of life, male and female, young and old alike.  The words "Nice bag!!" have come from artists, interior designers, burly men putting out veggies in the produce department, a refined jewelry store owner in the Hamptons, security agents at the airport, pharmacists, librarians, octogenarians, gas station attendants, teenagers, boys and girls ages three on up... (the little ones just HAVE to touch it!)

So what does this have to do with careers and design?  Good design grabs people's attention.  An when you design a career around what energizes you, you'll noticed others are energized by it too.  You will gradually receive tremendous positive feedback from all types of people.  Even if certain people are not necessarily inclined to hire you, buy your product or use your service, they ultimately respect what you are doing and will tell others who ARE in the market for your talents.  When others recognize your unique and fantastic offering, they feel compelled to share with others your skill, talent or product.
 
On the reverse side, trying to please everyone misses the point, as everyone knows but tries to do it anyway. Universal design appeal comes from the career designer first discovering his or her own unique voice, and then finding or creating a need for this voice to be heard.  Design a career path this way and see how abundance finds you.

Now Rosie and I shall be off to the supermarket, where I'm sure she'll turn some heads yet again.

How I Got My Self-Esteem Out of the Gutter

High School for me was anything but a walk in the park.  I looked and acted like a perfectly jovial person, but inside my self-worth was virtually non-existent.

For starters, I had a long term relationship with a guy that was a whiz kid.  In my eyes, he was absolutely brilliant.  Why?  Because he could immediately master mathematical equations and scientific concepts faster than I ever could. My brain simply wouldn't work that way.

Via Flickr

And yes, objectively speaking- not just in my girlfriend's-rose-colored opinion- he really was intelligent, especially by society's standards.  My high school years predated the recognition of emotional, social and artistic abilities as legitimate forms of intelligence;  therefore, when I was a teenager, most people measured intellectual ability in terms of scientific and mathematical prowess. I was one of those biased people.

Next to my boyfriend, I considered myself a complete moron intellectually. The fact that I could nimbly analyze literature and poetry, win foreign language awards, make A's in every subject (but that blasted Algebra II), sing the hell out of a difficult song, and deftly perform Shakespearean monologues didn't seem to register more than a one-out-of-ten on my self-esteem-o-meter.  These subjects and talents were "easy" things that I didn't believe counted on the intelligence front.

As for The Boyfriend?  We broke up.  He ended up going to Stanford and then, I am told, on to UCLA for his Ph.D. in Science (couldn't tell you in what field specifically.) I am sure he is out there somewhere continuing to live in his super smartdom.

And then there was the sports arena.  While I averaged B's in Algebra II, I was a D+ student (at best) in athletics.  This, of course, didn't win me any favors in sports-lovin' Indiana.  But in my mind I had to at least try to be great at everything lest I feel inadequate.  That meant, in addition to my academic and artistic pursuits, lettering in sports.   

olympushighemlyhoffman.wikispaces.com

Knowing my limited hand-eye coordination,  I went out for Track and Cheerleading, thinking I could at least do those sports.  Unfortunately, as far as Track was concerned, it soon became apparent I had no business running competitively. On one level I ignored that discovery and pushed myself anyway.

Now, you may be thinking, isn't the act of pushing yourself beneficial, even you aren't good at something?  Of course it is.  Problem was, I chastised myself whenever I didn't do well, which was pretty much all the time.  Now, looking back, I think, "Of course you didn't do well!  You are not naturally fast, your legs are short, and, genetically speaking, there is nothing that would make you a good runner!"  But logical thinking requires a healthy dose of self-esteem, so I was pretty much S.O.L. there.

And the cheerleading?  Well, let's just say I didn't quite master the whole teamwork idea.  I vaguely remember there was a point where I was doing my infamous chipmunk impressions at the request of the cheering section.

Via Flickr, but those were our school colors!

Now, seriously, what was I thinking?  Besides acting like a chipmunk in public, a rather absurd notion in itself, wasn't I there to cheer on the football team?  Couldn't I just do the routines like the rest of the cheerleading squad?  But noooooo, there I went, drumming my own little drum, not grasping the notion that not only was I a different drummer, but also that cheerleading wasn't really a good different drummer type of activity.

So how did my phoenix rise out of the self-esteem ashes?  The answer is, simply:  it took time, hard work and a bit of luck.

In my twenties my self-worth did improve with effort, but something always seemed to set me back.  First of all, trying to make it in the tumultuous world of the theatre didn't quite help matters.  So up until age thirty, I'd say, the self-esteem-o-meter hovered precariously around a four.  But then, once I hit 30, things started to improve.  My maturation level enabled me to naturally become more comfortable in my own skin.  Even so I really didn't understand how intelligent, gifted and remarkable I was as a human being until I reached age 34.

That was the year I had my daughter, my first child, and I realized pretty quickly that I needed to have a substantial amount of emotional strength to devote to parenting.  I knew I didn't have the time or energy to deal with low self-esteem and the havoc it wrought on my life.  And besides, life is too short not to have your you-know-what together.

Just by luck, I stumbled upon a seminar taught by a local career coach.  When I listened to his presentation I knew immediately I'd come to the right place.  I ended up signing on with that career coach who then introduced me to the idea of preferences and abilities, unlike any other individual or academic institution ever had.  For the first time in my life I had a non-emotional, objective way of looking at my mind, my talents, and my preferences.  I could finally look at my strengths and weaknesses in a non-judgmental way.  I also began to recognize the intelligence and gifts in all people, not just those labeled as "smart" or "talented" or successful" in our society.


Of course, there were still some major cognitive-behavioral issues that I had to conquer.  Take negative self-talk for one.  It's like a pit-bull that grabs a hold of you and refuses to let go.  (I should know, I used to have one, God Rest Her Soul.)  And to this day I must continually be mindful of shutting down negative thoughts and letting my mistakes and weaknesses go.

Furthermore, there are lots of questions I still have to ask myself and boundaries I have to test.  But I'm exponentially better at sorting and answering these questions and boundaries than I used to be.  I am also much better at:

1) Living with uncertainty
2) Creating opportunities for myself
3) Tailoring my commitments to my strengths and weaknesses
4) Sharing my talents with confidence
5) Making things happen for myself instead of waiting for fate to tell me what all's in store for the future.

And as far as my self-esteem-o-meter?  It's registering at a 9.5, which means that while there's always room for improvement, I can live well.  I'm no longer a slave to happenstance and mood.  And honestly, certain circumstances still set my confidence back momentarily to maybe a six, but never to a zero anymore.

What else can I ask for?  I worked hard to be where I am, and so can you.  Consider getting the help you need instead of trying to do it on your own.  The investment of time and money will be well worth it.