Socks

First of all, please allow me to begin with a caveat. The following is what you might call a "First World problem;" a ridiculously inconsequential, minuscule dilemma that pales in comparison to the infinite global quandaries out there.

And now that we've cleared that up...

I shall recount my brief interlude with laundry yesterday.

As I made my way through a heaping basket of clean clothes, I found myself swearing incoherently, muttering something to the effect of "Oh, these stupid *$%^# socks!"

I really don't like it when, as I'm reaching the bottom of the laundry basket, I come to the socks. There are never, and I repeat, NEVER, 100% perfect matches. Anywhere between 75-80% is a good day. And that's so annoying, because it a) begs the question, "Where in God's creation could they possibly have gone?!!" and b) means I'll have to put the stragglers in The Heap, a pathetic basket near our bedroom door filled with unmatched socks. These guys gather dust while their partners are out there having fun, heaven knows where.

(Because if I knew, by God, they would be matched up in someone's sock drawer.)

And I hate throwing the stragglers away, because there's always that shred of hope that someday their little sock buddy might return.

(But let's be brutally honest here. They NEVER do.)

The Heap: what a sorry lot these guys are.

However, as much as I hate pairing up socks- or, rather, not pairing them up- I know it's part of the job of being a parent. As is making sure certain individuals eat nutritious food they don't want to eat and complete homework they don't want to complete; both of which are equally trying duties some days. But, you know, so goes the job of parenthood. Par for the course, as they say.

Likewise, there are always dreaded tasks that every career professional faces, no matter how perfect his or her career fit.  Just replace "#@$#^ socks!" with "#@$#% spreadsheets" or whatever your pet grievance happens to be, and you get the picture. However, the difference between a dreaded task that sucks the life out of you and the dreaded task that is a mere hurdle is this: knowing it's worth it.

I wouldn't give up being a parent for anything, no matter how flagrantly the children- or socks- are misbehaving. Nor do I have plans to abandon working for myself, especially in the field of helping people find their ideal career.  I enjoy what I do and know that, overall, it's a really great fit for me, to the point that I wouldn't let certain undesirable tasks determine my entire career fate.

Conversely, if you know you're on a floundering career path, even the slightest annoyances can send you into a tailspin of dread and frustration.  That's because you don't know if those dreaded duties are ever going to end, and if they're not, you'll wonder if you'll end up miserable forever.

Paying Your Dues or Just Paying Your Rent? 

There's a huge difference between paying the hard dues necessary to get you to a desired destination and doing grunt work for no other reason than to kill time until you figure out what you really want.

(And when will that be if you don't seek help?)

Knowing where you want to be going makes a difficult job (or boss, or co-worker) bearable, especially if you know that it's a temporary stepping stone to your desired destination. It's the ultimate deal breaker as far as sustainability is concerned, giving you the necessary endurance to realize your ultimate potential.

So the question isn't whether you have to perform tasks you dislike. Because the answer is an obvious, "yes;" everyone has those tasks they'd give up in a heartbeat. Rather, the question to ask yourself is this: Do you know where you really want to go? If so, are the drudgeries worth it? Whether your days involve extreme boredom or job duties incongruent with your talents, are they par for the course or a chronic waste of your time and talents?

If the answer is, "It's definitely worth it!" (or even "I have every reason to believe so,") then I urge you to stick with it. We've all read stories about people who were so close to giving up their dream paths just before making incredible career strides. In fact, I've known people who were at their wits end, ready to throw in the towel, just before winning a title role in a Broadway show.

On the other side, if you don't know which direction to pursue or you seriously doubt the path you're on will end up in a place of fulfillment, I urge you to seek assistance. Hire a career coach, get clarity, and begin the process of rediscovering what you enjoy doing- and need to be doing. You'll be very happy you did.

And so will your socks.  All $%#$@ seven of them.

Writing Your Way Past Fear

Journalling in the morning, I must say, is a marvelous way to jump start the day.

Now, if you've never kept a journal, you might assume that journal writing is only for people attempting to write profound treatises on life, love, and, I don't know, the deafening sound of their inevitable mortality mercilessly marching toward them. (For propriety's sake I won't mention where I just pulled that out of.)

On the contrary, journalling is mostly a great way to get rid of JUNK.

Yes, mon ami. Junk.

A journal provides an individual such as myself a place to transfer and organize all of the bits and pieces of schtuff that are taking up space in my brain. From to-do lists and frustrations to memories I want to keep someplace safer than my cerebral cortex, my journal- nothing more than a simple spiral notebook- is a welcoming, catch-all repository. I may end up creating little illustrations to go along with the words I've jotted down. Or perhaps I'll go crazy and add in a couple of insights!

Now why didn't I think of that?

Let me point out, however, that I don't try and make an entry every day like I used to; only when I feel like writing something on paper vs. pecking out letters on a keyboard. However, I find journalling to be kind of like going to the gym: it always feels good when I do it and then immediately wonder why I don't do it every day.

That's how I felt after one morning's journalling session. That morning I'd woken up before dawn feeling overwhelmed, so I rolled over and grabbed a notebook and pen from my nightstand. I felt like I needed to take out some major mental trash that, for some reason, had been piling up faster than the strands of no-longer-functioning Christmas lights in our living room.

Not our lights.

While most of the time I have no format for my journal writing- it's mainly just stream-of-consciousness- that morning was different. I realized, as I jotted down my pet grievances, that I needed to get to the bottom of some of these issues that were weighing me down. This was due to the fact that I noticed an all-too-familiar theme cropping up:

fear.


Not big, monstrous fears (thankfully) but rather subtle little fears that were thorny enough to keep me apprehensive and stuck in neutral. And naturally, when one is stuck, there is a lack of movement forward. And when there's no movement forward, back-ups occur.

I knew I needed to uncover what was going on that was causing my back-up so I tried a writing exercise that always helps me unravel my tangled ball of frustrations. (Again, Christmas lights come to mind... which makes me think I'm seeing yet another theme here besides fear....)


This fill-in-the-blank exercise is quite simple, actually, and I thought I'd share it with you.

You don't even need to have a journal to do it, just a piece of paper and a writing utensil.

Are you ready?

Write the words, "If I weren't so afraid of ________I would ______."

Complete the sentence as many times as you can. Just let your mind go from one thought to another.

Here's are some examples:

If I weren't so afraid of making a mistake I would submit that proposal.

If I weren't so afraid of hearing "no" I would ask to collaborate with xyz organization.

If I weren't so afraid of saying the wrong thing I would initiate important conversations.

If I weren't so afraid of getting hurt/criticized I would dare to write that book.

As always, after I completed the exercise I felt so much better afterward. I could specifically see where I needed to take a more active than passive approach in various areas of my life. And because I could see what actions needed to happen, I took a couple of important and long overdue steps.

So when you feel stuck or frustrated, try this exercise. Or create your own version.  It will help you dig deeper and get to the root cause of your problem. Writing down what troubles us can eventually help us name what is truly going on, and how we need to take ownership of our circumstances. And journalling, especially in the morning, reduces the overwhelming tangled mess of emotional blockage into a few actionable tasks for the day. Once you get all of the junk- the whining, complaining, Pity Party 2.0- all of a sudden your brain has "space" to determine what needs to happen so everything can start flowing again.

Speaking of flow, I need to get a new notebook, since I just filled up the last one. 'Cause apparently there were lots of pity parties going on.

****

Photo Credits: Creative Commons
Pencil: Pinksherbet
Design for a flying machine by Leonardo da Vinci
Traffic Jam

"You'll Never Walk Alone"

I performed this classic song at a cabaret many years ago and it remains one of my favorites. Introduced in 1945 by writers Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein II for the musical, Carousel, the song has been performed by a wide range of singers, from Judy Garland to Elvis Presley to Renee Fleming. It has a sweet, simple, timeless appeal, and, dare I say, songs like this just aren't written anymore.

I post these lyrics for all of you who are having a rough time right now, and particularly for my friend who is battling cancer. She goes in for major surgery tomorrow and I wish her nothing but "golden skies" and an amazing recovery. 

-Katie

"You'll Never Walk Alone"

When you walk through a storm

Hold your head up high

And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm

Is a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on walk on with hope in your heart

And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone

When you walk through a storm

Hold your head up high

And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm

Is a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on walk on with hope in your heart

And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone.

-Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II

Dark, Damp, Dreary Days Be Gone!

This past week has been a wet one here in Washington, DC.  For five days we've endured dark gray skies, downpours, drizzles and steady, relentless rain that's left us soaked to the bone. And now, finally, as I type these words, I'm doing what I've been aching to do for the past five days: to sit down with a nice cup of tea, wrap myself in a blanket and enjoy the fact that I don't have to go anywhere.

  

Without the sun's bright rays to bathe the landscape in light, everything has not only looked darker, but felt darker too.

Can you hear me that when it rains and shines, 

It’s just a state of mind, 

Can you hear me, can you hear me?

                                                     
                                                          - The Beatles, "Rain"

Oh, those sunny days...

While rain or shine might not be a tiebreaker for some people, I know that my mind and body actually do function better when it's sunny outside. Any time clouds rule the skies day after day I typically don't have as much energy as I normally do.  I don't feel like exercising or doing much of anything, especially outside.  I wouldn't say that during a period such as this I'm necessarily depressed (at least in a clinical sense, as  major depressive episodes are much more severe and debilitating, and can be chronic.) However, rain and clouds do temporarily dampen my spirit and negatively impact my mood and energy.

And, as you know, feeling lethargic stinks. (Except when you're on vacation, of course.)

So when the sun hides itself behind thick, dark clouds, particularly for days on end, I know it's time to actively elevate my mood by other means than sunlight.  Through research and good ole trial and error, I have uncovered numerous ways to up the endorphins and potentially increase serotonin levels. I have discovered what activities can give my mind the little boost it needs to kickstart it into gear.  And the more I learn about new, effective methods, the more I can combat the blues from all different angles.

Here are My top energy and mood boosters:

Gear up and
get outside!no matter what the weather (natural light is natural light, after all)

read a good book,

talk to an encouraging someone,

PAINT (anything),

journal,

take pictures of your favorite things

make something for somebody (yourself included),

I made this fun brooch

and decorated a mirror. 'Cause why not?!

Watch guinea pigs play,

bake COOKIES for someone,

(Or make your dog bake them for you.)

Cook and Eat a Nourishing 
Breakfast, 

Chef John Macpherson

Look at pictures of baby goats,

(It does it for me every time.)

DOODLE on your front door step,

doodled by Sophie McGale

indulge in a fun magazine,

Did I mention, "Watch guinea pigs?"

look at pictures that make you smile,

buy flowers- or cut them from your garden- and arrange them in a vase,

s-t-r-e-t-c-h,

meditate,
listen to fun music,
dance, 

MOVE! run, hike, walk, lift weights

Go through pictures from great trips

complete a simple task like a load of laundry or a sink full of dishes,  

('cause hey, you're in a bad mood anyway 
and getting it done will make you feel as if you've accomplished something)

or perhaps... just chew on something 
that makes a funny squeaky sound.

Fortunately, one of the benefits of being a career coach is that I am constantly discovering and accumulating effective mental health tools for my clients, since a healthy mind serves as both an essential building block and a happy result of creating one's ideal career path. 

from Useful Guy (creative commons)

Having a handy toolbox full of mental health boosters empowers us to manage our mood before it manages us. We can't always control what the next day at work might entail, who or what might puncture our enthusiasm, whether or not Company Z will love us in our next interview, or if the sun will choose to hide or shine. We can, however, remember what tools pick us up mentally, even if by just a little. Sometimes that little boost is all we need to get moving again.

*********
Need some more ideas?  I often refer people to the works of Dr. David Burns, a pioneer in cognitive behavioral therapy who created powerful steps to take when feeling depressed. In particular, his book, Feeling Good, written over 40 years ago, is still incredibly relevant today.

Most importantly, if you are feeling consistently down, depressed, anxious and/or sad, don't try to go it alone!!  (You know how I feel about tackling big issues with the whole Do It Yourself Method- it stinks!) Talk to a mental health specialist, particularly a provider who comes recommended by others. And don't hesitate to ask for help and support from friends and family as well. You owe it to yourself to have lots of really good days to look forward to.

Making a Difference in the World: Mulala Yousafzai

Like many girls at age 16, I worried about boys, my grades and what I wore. I badly wanted to make the cheerleading team, and fretted over where I would go to college in two years. I cried when I didn't make the lead in the school play and secretly craved being part of the "in" crowd.

In short, life felt rather grim at the time.

This young lady, Mulala Yousafzai, age 16, is fighting for the education rights of young women and for peace in her homeland of Pakistan. She miraculously survived an assassination attempt by the Taliban for her vocal and very public opposition.

Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

Watch her interview with Jon Stewart here.

BE BOLD. BE BRAVE. BE IN THE MOMENT.

That's my mantra for the week.

But first, allow me to explain its inception:

I've started exercising every other day; sometimes I even do a couple days in a row. (I know: Woooooaaaaa Nellie!) And I must say that I've really found my groove.  It's what my body needs to do: to MOVE MOVE MOVE.

When I exercise regularly my mind works better too, particularly because I have what we in the career world refer to as a "high rate of idea flow."

(Or, what those in the regular world call, a "very busy and active mind.")

What's more, according to my personality type, I prefer iNtuition to Sensing, which means I'm always thinking of new possibilities, ways of doing things and "what if" scenarios. This is compared to Sensing, which is a preference that naturally lives more in the present, in the world of the here and now. Not surprisingly, many of my clients have the iNtuition personality preference as well.  After all, a person who has lots of career ideas and way too little time needs help narrowing down the possibilities.

As I tell my clients, the high idea flow + iNtuition combo can make for great problem solving and a wonderful entrepreneurial spirit; however, as you can imagine, it can have it's personal pitfalls as well. These cognitive tendencies can make the mind swirl with regrets about what the past could have been, worries about what the future could be like and fears of not living up to one's own grandiose expectations.

Which leads me back to my mantra and its creation.

The Hill

We have a really big hill near our house: the mother of all hills. And I have chosen to make this a part of my run, being a glutton for punishment, I suppose.

Not our hill, but it feels like it.

For a long time I ran down and walked up the hill, but recently I decided to BE BOLD and attempt to run up the hill as well.

("Attempt" being the operative word.)

At first I did what I always did and looked way ahead of me, to the top of the hill. But that quickly crushed me. I'd start walking almost immediately because I couldn't fathom all of what lay ahead.  Running all that way to the top was just too much to handle psychologically.

But then one morning I decided to try looking down at my feet as I ran. (Thankfully there's not a lot of pedestrian traffic on this sidewalk.) And I found I went farther. Eventually, however, when the incline got really steep, I started walking.

So the next time I tried looking at the ground and counting, thinking that if I could just count to 50 (slowly) I could stop at 50 and then walk, no matter where I was on the hill.

Well, by God, it worked! I made it all the way without walking. Yes, it was still hard and intense on the old gluteus maximus, but I'd made it! The counting paired with the looking down proved a winning combination.

As with all small victories, it made me feel unexpectedly BRAVE, like I could conquer anything! That same day I used my hill momentum and made a phone call to a potential client that I'd been putting off. Now I have a new speaking engagement. Who knew?

I've been using this simple method for tackling The Hill ever since. I stop thinking about where I'm going and instead think of where I am. Or maybe I'm not really "thinking" at all- I'm just BEING IN THE MOMENT. No complex thought process. No overwhelming emotions about the past or future. I switch off my idea-generating, regretful, future-envisioning turbo engine and count.

But I also absorb, which seems to satisfy my mind and hold my focus. I see the cracks in the sidewalk, listen to the sound of my feet, the songs of the birds and the rhythm of my breath. I notice the laces of my shoes and the curves of my legs and feel the surface of the pavement beneath my feet. I look from side to side and observe the texture of the grass.

In other words, I take a mental vacation from all of those mental gymnastics.

But no matter what your personal inclinations may be, this week I dare you to:

BE BOLD.

 Go for the hill, whatever your hill may be.

BE BRAVE.

 Branch out. Have the courage to try something you don't think you can do.

BE IN THE MOMENT.

No past, no present. Take some time to just focus on what you can do right now.

And before you know it, you'll have reached your destination.

Create Your Spark: Elizabeth Gilbert

Ms. Gilbert tells us to: 

1. Keep showing up and 

2. Give our genius a talking to.

Enjoy! (And watch the whole thing- it's worth it!)

-Katie

Elizabeth Gilbert on Sustaining Creativity

Meet The Mother of Invention:

Ms. Necessity.

(Charmed, I'm sure.)

She often shows up when times are tight and we're experiencing more deprivations than we care to.

You may have heard that here in Washington, DC we are facing some pretty serious economic deprivations.  While the rest of the country has been reeling from the recession for quite some time, The District has been relatively sheltered from it, mainly due to the fact that our largest employer here is the Federal Government. Furthermore, thousands of government contractors call Washington their home as well, thereby providing a substantial portion of gainful employment.

But that government gravy train is slowing down substantially with the furloughs, deep budget cuts and other effects of the sequestration. I myself am certainly not looking forward to watching our nation's capital struggle.  The impact will not only affect my business, but the whole economy in this area. It will mean even less for those who make very little already and we'll see more individuals living below poverty.

Mother Invention, Please Step Forward 
(Because we need you!)

In the absence of indigence, however, some deprivation can have a beneficial effect.  For instance, think about some time when you had to cut back financially and thought there was no way you could survive without x,y or z.  But then you did indeed survive by coming up with a different means of getting what you needed, without the money you thought was "required." You discovered a personal inventiveness that you didn't know (or had forgotten) existed.

"When no one wants to lend you money, you become resourceful."

-Cheryl Krueger

Founder, Cheryl's Cookies

from an interview with Cake & Whiskey Magazine   

Yes, tight times and a meager budget can indeed be extremely difficult, but as long as we can still put food on the table and have a roof over our heads, it doesn't have to be devastating. It can make us create solutions and force us to rethink our needs and invent alternative plans; a great way of developing that creative brain "muscle!" 

And, as I bet you've also experienced, often times those alternative plans become the key to new relationships, resources and directions. Realizing that maybe we can get by with less and use our cleverness to compensate for cash is one of the most empowering feelings. We move away from being a victim of our circumstances to being a benefactor of our circumstances.

"The quickest way to give yourself a pay raise is to spend less money."

-The Minimalists, 

Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus

Most importantly we move away from the fear of less, the fear of complete depletion if we earn fewer dollars or give up something.  Money can be disabling that way, because once you can afford to have some luxury you get used to it.  You enjoy it, it seems to make your life easier and more comfortable.  But then you start to think you can't even live without that extra benefit , even though it didn't always exist. You've forgotten the fact that you used to do just fine!

After all, the natural tension between priorities and resources will always exist, and more money means more decisions about where funds should or shouldn't go.  Given that it's all relative, when IS enough really enough?

Now, Ms. Necessity, It's Your Turn

So here's my pie-in-the-sky hope for Washington: once all of these highly educated, highly skilled, highly inventive people out there begin making less money than they've become accustomed, they'll be forced to innovate and see some unique opportunities.  Perhaps they'll become entrepreneurial and supplement their diminishing income with a latent interest-turned-side business. Or, for those used to making a hefty paycheck, once they take away the big salary from their list of "must-haves" they may give themselves permission to do something that uses more of their talents.

"... what we do with our money plays a far more important role

 than how much money we make."

from "Don't Indulge, Be Happy"

by Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton

I'll leave you with an example of the relativity of money and a common mentality around here: 

A friend recently heard two private law firm partners discussing salaries. One was lamenting to another that she could not imagine what it would be like to live on $100K a year versus the $500K + annual salaries that she and most of her fellow partners at the firm earn. "How do people get by?" she asked her colleague, shaking her head in bewilderment.

Washington, you've got a long way to go, but hopefully you'll get there sooner than later.

Make It Your Own

If there's one thing I learned from my 12 years of professional acting it's this:

Don't go into professional acting.

I'm kidding! 

(kind of...)

And the second most important thing I learned is this:

Whatever you do, make it your own. 

I thought of the latter when I watched a video of these two young men playing the Lennon/McCartney song, "Let it Be":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-5XOCMpUwA

Enjoy!
-Katie

Songs to Live By: Carly Simon (Stuff that Dreams are Made of)

Sometimes my clients find that their current career path is actually pretty close to what they need to be doing. They realize, during our coaching sessions, that they have actually steered themselves in the right direction, but just need a few tweaks to make their careers and lives fulfilling.

Whenever this happens, I'm reminded of a song I sang in a benefit cabaret several years ago.  The show was entitled "Reflections on Life and Love," and this song, written and originally performed by Carly Simon, remains one of my favorites to this day.

Although Ms. Simon writes about rekindling a romantic love, I think the lyrics resonate beyond that. The song can remind us of the fact that what we have-in many aspects of our life- is sometimes exactly what we truly need. Perhaps we are right where we should be, even though it isn't exactly the exciting image we'd originally envisioned and dreamed up for ourselves.

In fact, when we stop and think about the achievements we've made, the relationships we've fostered and the people we've become, we realize that our lives are actually fuller and richer than the dreams we once conceived.

Perhaps we just have to "adjust the tuning" to invigorate ourselves once again.

"It's the Stuff that Dreams are Made Of"

by Carly Simon

Take a look around now

Change the direction

Adjust the tuning

Try a new translation

Don't look at your man in the same old way

Take a new picture

Just because you don't see shooting stars

Doesn't mean it isn't perfect

Can't you see...

It's the stuff that dreams are made of

It's the slow and steady fire

It's the stuff that dreams are made of

It's your heart and soul's desire

It's the stuff that dreams are made of

So what's this about your best friend?

She's got a brand new shiny boy

And they're moving out to Malibu

To play with all his pretty toys

And you feel closed in by the same four walls

The same old conversation

With the same old guy you've know for years

But use your imagination

And you will see....

It's the stuff that dreams are made of

It's the slow and steady fire

It's the stuff that dreams are made of

It's your heart and soul's desire

It's the stuff that dreams are made of

What if the Prince on the horse in your fairytale

Is right here in disguise

And what if the stars you've been reaching so high for

Are shining in his eyes

Don't look at yourself in the same old way

Take another picture

Shoot the stars off in your own backyard

Don't look any further

And you will see

It's the stuff that dreams are made of....

Check out the video!

Turning to a New Year

A college friend once told me that a career is like "a book with many chapters." And though that conversation was a few years ago and I've since dabbled with countless career metaphors, I honestly can't think of a better analogy.  It's so good, in fact, that I believe it can capture the experience of living as well.

A really great life, like a really good book, takes us on a journey. We, the protagonists, seek fulfillment in one form or another.  In our quest we encounter many obstacles along the way but somehow we always find new ways to use our inner strengths to leap over those roadblocks.  We silence the demons of self-doubt, deceive the army of naysayers and slay the dragons of defeat.

Throughout the many chapters of our lives, we survive many changes, losses and heartaches.  But we keep moving forward towards our quest for fulfillment and human connection, which takes on new meaning, growing in spirit, strength and confidence.

At least that's how the story is supposed to go...

But as 2013 is now upon me, beckoning me to move forward, I find myself hesitating. I think about the chapters in my own book of life- especially the part where I play Mommy- and how much I resist turning the page to see what lies ahead.  I don't want to let those nostalgic chapters go, even though they're already long gone. All that remains is my bare wistfulness.

I cling to the experiences of my children as little ones: of a tiny hand just able to grasp my index finger, chubby little thighs that smell so good after a nice warm bath.  I sort through pictures of yesteryear and wonder: how did the belly-laughs, the lullabies, the toothless smiles at my singing, the soothing vibrations of a sleeping baby on my chest get swallowed up by the passage of time?  Where do these experiences go? Do they evaporate into the ether when my memory can't quite hold on to them anymore- when I can't hear these moments anymore... or feel them or smell them?

Even the best photographs are no match for the power of the senses.

It's not that I want my children to be babies anymore.  As most parents would concur- so please excuse my hackneyed insight here- I am so grateful that I've conquered the stage of feeding/burping/changing diapers/schlepping around a million things for a meager trip to the grocery store- a trip which, by the way, takes an hour rather than the 12 minutes it would take going solo.  I don't miss the the despair and befuddlement I felt as they lay crying due to the fact that, lacking any type of formal communication, they couldn't tell me what was wrong.

(And then language came, which has now enabled them to tell me everything that is wrong.)

So what is it about the passage of time, the fleeting nature of experience, that allows me to avoid looking ahead and turning to the next chapter?  Is it merely the fact that something only happens once?  Even if that something tried my patience and disrupted my sleep schedule?

I think we all hang on to things just for the sake of hanging on, even if it's not something we truly want to keep in our lives. The only thing that we're really grasping is familiarity.  We know what the past and present look like.  We don't know what the future holds, even though it could be the best experience we will have ever had.

If my kids had stayed little, I'd never have been able to see all of the great stuff of today.  Like my daughter's amazing gift for storytelling, her fascination with books, her beautiful artwork and uncanny imagination. I would've missed taking her to New York at Christmastime and seeing her peer through the exquisitely designed windows at Bergdorf's.  I would've missed sharing with her the magic of watching a great show on Broadway.

And I wouldn't have been able to see my son wake up in the morning and head straight to the advent  calendar to count down the days to Christmas.  Or help him transform his room to a Spider Man lair and answer his infinite questions about super heroes.

(And by "answer" I mean, "You'll have to ask Daddy about that one.")

So I suppose I should embrace growing, especially since that IS the name of this blog. Therefore I'm dedicating this year, 2013, to moving forward. To growing.  To turning the page to see what lies ahead.

In order to accomplish this goal I know I'll need to keep reminding myself that, like in any good story, there's always a big twist.  It often happens at the height of the protagonist's struggles, when she feels she doesn't have anything yet to give or look forward to. When the past looks like all that's worth hanging on to.  But in the next chapter she emerges, almost miraculously, fulfilled in ways she never imagined.  Which gives her the confidence that, no matter what dragons lie ahead, she'll slay them too.

Sounds like a job for Spider Woman, don't you think?

Where O Where has My Productivity Gone?

Similar to the dog days of summer, I can't seem to get anything accomplished right now.  I feel as if I have 50 pound weights on my legs. I have contacts I need to make, projects I need to undertake, but my momentum is gone at the moment. I feel deflated and unable to bounce back to a more productive state. I'm at a loss over how I can fit in everything I need to do.

Do you ever feel like that?

When I get in this state of mind I know I need to coach myself. Therefore, I invite you to an open door coaching session. With me. For me. Which is inherently self-centered and a tad neurotic, but perhaps you can relate.

Self- Coaching Session

Me: So, I'm frustrated because I can't get off the ground on several projects.  I fantasize about going away for a night or two, just to immerse myself in work for long chunks of time, but I know that's not realistic.

Coach Me: You sound pretty discouraged and immobilized right now.

Me: Yup.

Coach Me: Well, I'm betting that these projects of which you speak are quite large in nature.

Me: How'd you know?!

Coach Me: Because we're one in the same.

Me: Oh, right.

Coach Me: So, these large projects are going to be overwhelming and very daunting until you break them down incrementally, something you don't automatically think to do as a big picture type person.

Me: True.

Coach Me: Instead of focusing on something you can't control, such as erratic schedules, disruptions, and a lack of large, uninterrupted windows of time, focus on what you can do.  Concentrate on breaking down reasonable projects into small, five to 10 minute pieces.  Consider postponing the big projects that can't be broken down easily. Focus on the ones that are doable given your working-from-home circumstances.

After all, you wouldn't ask your four year-old to eat a big old hunk of meat without first cutting it into bite-size pieces would you?

Me: No Ma'am.

Coach Me: Exactly.  So cut up your projects into manageable portions, and you'll see how doable the work becomes. You just need a couple of small, incremental victories each day to make you feel like you are making headway.

Me: True.

Coach Me: But in order to make these victories happen, you'll have to carve out those bite-size portions in your day. They should be compatible with your schedule and become a regular fixture on your calendar. Ensure these chunks of time are a priority, with very few exceptions! If they're not carved out and protected as dedicated work time, they'll disappear.

Me: Hmmm... good idea.  Why didn't I think of that?  It's so simple!

Coach Me: You kind of did.

Me: Oh, right.

Coach Me: Lastly, if you expect yourself to accomplish a two to three hour project in 15 minutes- -while simultaneously making dinner, walking the dog and doing laundry- you're setting yourself up for major disappointment and a sense of failure.

Me: Yes managing expectations, that's a big one isn't it?  But it's much easier said than done.

Coach Me: Well, My Dear, that's why you have me to help you.

Me:  Okay, now you're getting kind of cocky, aren't you?

Coach Me: I think this session is over.

Create Yourself: Inspiration from Maya Angelou

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” 
― Maya Angelou

Novelist, poet, singer, dramatist, producer, actress and filmmaker; civil rights activist, educator and mother, Maya Angelou exemplifies the quintessential notion of creating oneself.  She has shown us what it means to imagine one's life in every way possible, all the while contributing a startling amount of insight, beauty, and strength to our collective consciousness.

Dr. Maya Angelou has always struck me as an almost mythical creature; a phoenix rising out of the ashes, never to be held down by anyone or anything.  (Not surprisingly, one of her most well-known poems is entitled, "Still I Rise.") She is uncommonly brave, nimble in talent and intellect, fierce in her passion for the arts and humanity and unnervingly eloquent.

If you've ever felt like the odds are stacked against you, take a glimpse into Dr. Angelou's journey and you'll quickly realize that unfair circumstances don't necessitate failure. I Know Why a Caged Bird Sings still haunts me with it's tender poignancy and fierce tenacity of spirit, although I read the book almost 30 years ago.

As I tried to select Maya Angelou's most inspirational quotes, I quickly understood the futility of my efforts. I therefore decided to post an Angelou quote every day this week.  While five quotes scarcely illustrate the breadth of her insights into the human spirit, I hope they at least offer you a little boost every day, as well as a glimpse of what it means to live authentically.

Here's to a great week!

-Katie

The Dog Ate My Birthday Cake and Other Tales of Woe

Just when you think ya know a gal...

My precious angel turned against me in what can only be described as a moment of weakness.  Cloey Margaret, my beloved Golden Retriever , decided that she too should eat cake in honor of my recent birthday.  So, the day after I turned 42, Cloey privately celebrated by devouring what was left of my scrumptious vanilla-with-caramel-frosting birthday cake, generously made by my sister. We'd only managed to consume about a quarter of the decadent gateau the night before, so you do the math.

Interestingly, my beloved showed no signs of remorse, nor did her so-called "sensitive" tummy.

Could she actually be... smiling?!

To add to my woes, I've had bronchitis for what's now going on five weeks this summer.  Yes, you heard me correctly, this S-U-M-M-E-R.  Not during the dead of winter, mind you, when these upper respiratory infections run rampant and occur due to "cool, dry uncirculated air" or "kids." But rather, in July and August when it's sunny and humid and warm and full of jolly good romps outdoors in the sprinkler.

To say I'm sick of coughing is an understatement. Moreover, I long for a respite from inhaler puffs and teaspoons of foul tasting cough medicine. I yearn for an end to the back aches, caused by intense hack-a-thons. It's time for it all this bronchial nonsense to END. Yes, E-N-D. My body is tired and sick and sick and tired. I want to be able to just go back to worrying about worrying how I look at the pool. At least I wasn't coughing then.

(It's all relative, isn't it?)

I've asked ... excuse me while I hack up this right lung... okay better ... for some pep talks from family, because I've felt kinda down.  Not only am I not getting enough sleep from coughing, I also don't like questioning if there's an end in sight- although my pep rally peeps assure me there is.  I want to feel good again, and helpful and productive and energetic. I'm sure you can recognize these most basic of needs.

But until I reach the end of the tunnel, I find that just reaching out to people close to me helps me keep my spirits up.  Sharing my frustrations, keeping the whining-about-wheezing to a minimum of course, essentially communicates, "Let me just tell you where I am right now.  Let me tell you how crappy I feel so that you can give me at least one vote of confidence."

My husband, sister and parents are especially good at giving me votes of confidence. They don't even need to provide me with any answers, because an empathetic ear and heartfelt encouragement are really what I'm after.

(Okay, and maybe a hug or two.)

As a bonus they also offer me different perspectives on my seemingly hopeless situation.  For instance, they remind me of when I felt REALLY crappy, as opposed to JUST crappy, which I've needed to be reminded of lately.

Career Woes

Support especially proves essential when it comes to career challenges and lows.  When you have someone in your corner of the proverbial boxing ring, tirelessly cheering for you, it seems that nothing can get in your way, even those setbacks that seem insurmountable.  Outside encouragement wages war against the inner and outer critics trying to sabotage your carefully plodded efforts.  It also helps to calm your fears and put worries in perspective.

The most effective support comes in the form of a system, from sources as varied as the cheerleaders themselves, each of whom possess entirely different strengths. Here are my top five support types - we'll call them, "The Fan Club"- who are integral to your success.

1) The Mentors Although nurturing teachers and professors may certainly fill this role, finding a successful, inspirational professional within your field (or related to it) can enable you to make huge strides. A great mentor (such as mine) gives you immensely useful feedback, playing the role of coach, motivator, and muse. These individuals get what you are trying to do (often times because they've been in your shoes themselves) and want nothing more than to help you succeed.

2) The Collaborators These are the invaluable friends and family who help you in many different ways.  Sometimes they just listen, sometimes they offer suggestions you've never considered.  Some (but not all!) may understand where you'd like to go career-wise and empower you in whatever way they can.

Their help may take the form of assisting you with direct career needs, such as connecting you to their friends in your desired business. Or they may help you with the small business tasks you don't have time to do.  Often times, they can help you out personally by doing favors such as babysitting your kids (or pets!) while you look for a job, grow your business or travel for work. As long as you outwardly appreciate their help and assist them whenever possible, the collaboration runs smoothly.

3) The Constructive Realists These people do a great job of helping you manage your expectations of yourself, reminding you that setting unrealistic goals can mean setting yourself up for failure. Naturally objective types, they point out that certain career expectations have little or no logical basis, such as those statements that have the word "should" in them (as in "I should be employed by now!" or  "I should be making x amount of money at my age.") Constructive Realists are the kind but evenhanded folks that help you separate emotional conjecture from objective analysis.  They may ask you how you're specifically improving your situation but also ask you to ascertain what beyond your control.

4) The Bottom Liners A very integral part of your support system must include, of course, the people that may not be hand holders or fans so to speak, but get you the job or work or connections you seek.  These also tend to be the people that require you to take the initiative and ask for their help. If you don't tell people what you need, what you care about doing and where you are stumbling, they can't help you; it's really pretty simple.

The Bottom Liners can nimbly get to the nuts and bolts of what you are seeking to accomplish. Headhunters, business group members, career coaches*, professional associations and acquaintances may fall into this category.

*Good coaches actually fall under all five of these categories.

5) The Confidence Booster This is my personal favorite and a priceless member of The Fan Club. One of the best cheerleaders out there is a friend and/or family member that simply adores you and everything you do. This is the fan that, without any pretext, gives you a surge of unbridled confidence and self-esteem.  Their encouragement makes you feel like a million bucks. Of course, they are the most subjective of the group, but that can feel quite refreshing compared to the requisite objectivity of the others in your Fan Club. So if you have one of those in your pocket, try to connect with this person regularly.  They'll give you the boost of adrenaline you need to keep going.

My dear grandmother was a first rate Confidence Booster.  She always said the nicest things about whatever I was doing in my life.  I could have been stealing cars and selling them for drug money and she would have said, "Oh, honey.  You SHOULD do that.  You are really good at it." She was my biggest fan and that was gold to me.  Especially since she passed away, I try my best to remember her enthusiasm and think, when I'm a little down on my achievements, "What would Grandma have said to me?" (answer: that "I'm the best career coach in the world!") I also try to be that kind of fan to others, because everyone needs that kind of unabashed, unconditional support from time to time.

Moving On... I Hope

As part of my continued commitment to reaching out to others for support, I ask you to wish me luck in my recovery.

And, just curious, do you think that Cloey's quite possibly paying me back for last Easter's, ahem, incident?