Fishin' With My Dad

When I returned to my home state of Indiana in August, I took my dad fishing. 

It was a gloriously warm, late summer afternoon. A perfect day to be out on the lake.

Yet despite the perfect weather, I had to practically drag my father there, kicking and screaming.

It's not like he hates to fish or anything. In fact, my old man is the consummate fisherman. He's undoubtedly logged over 10,000 hours of fishing during his lifetime, which many claim to be the tipping point of mastery.

One millionth Crappie caught
(Note: this is an approximation.)

No, my dad went to the lake kicking and screaming because, like many of us, he'd forgot how much he needed to do something fun.

We've all been there, right?  When we're really, really busy and stressed, the last thing we want to do is to stop and take time to relax. And that's where my dad was mentally.

He'd been worried about my mom, who's recovering from a major stroke, and so busy taking care of bills, the house, the insurance and the endless medical forms, that he'd forgotten it was okay to take not just any old break, but a really good, replenishing one.

Lucky for him, Dad has two loving daughters who relentlessly remind him to take care of himself. 

And that afternoon, this daughter prescribed a healthy dose of fishing.

****

Our first stop: the tackle and bait shop. 

This fishing lure is the only hot pink item my dad owns.
He insists pink doesn't go well with camouflage or plaid flannel shirts.

While Dad went in for bait I stayed outside admiring the landscaping. Ever seen this concept for a flower bed on Pinterest? 

Me neither! Who knew a rusty old truck could be so useful?

However, it does take you back a bit...

Anyway, once we got out on the lake guess who had a perfectly marvelous time fishing?

Yup. My old man.

And who was that brilliant individual who suggested it again?

She had a pretty good time too.

Island Wisdom

My family and I recently returned from a fantastic vacation spent on Sanibel Island. More pictures shall soon follow, but I thought it appropriate to first share a quote from Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Gift from the Sea, a book I return to year after year when I want to reclaim a sense of serenity. 

A little background: Ms. Lindbergh wrote this book while she was staying in a tiny beachfront cottage on Captiva Island (which neighbors Sanibel Island) back in the 1950's. I love the book's simplicity and, of course, its inspiration: a sea that almost magically washes millions of intricate shells to shore. Lindbergh eloquently uses these shells as metaphors to describe the varied phases of a woman's life.

Decades after this book was originally published, the little islands of Captiva and Sanibel, I'm happy to report, remain wonderful places to go shelling. Most importantly, however, Ms. Lindbergh's insights into life, solitude and relationships are still incredibly relevant in 2014.

Here is one of my favorite quotations:

“...I want first of all... to be at peace with myself. 

I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can. 

I want, in fact - to borrow from the language of the saints -to live 'in grace' as much of the time as possible. I am not using this term in a strictly theological sense. By grace I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony...” 

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Gift from the Sea

Photo: Creative Commons via Flickr.

Happy (zzzzzzzz....) New Year

This new year I feel as if I'm an old grizzly bear, groggily stirring from a deep winter slumber.

I can assure you, however, that I'm not complaining.

This extremely relaxed state is due to the fact that I haven't done much in terms of work during these past two weeks; mostly my time has been focused on my family.  Since my husband took off two weeks I vowed to pretty much do the same. Except for a client meeting here and there, I have been off the grid professionally.  No writing, no presentation planning, very little coaching, no reading about coaching or motivating people.

My days these past two weeks have consisted mainly of sleeping in, cooking, baking, scouring the immediate area-and world wide web- for holiday gifts, wrapping those gifts and unwrapping some goodies of my own, going out to dinner, entertaining, reading non-fiction, ice skating, playing in the snow with my kids, and, one of my favorites, sitting by the fire roasting marshmallows.

And while I've enjoyed relaxing and focusing more on family and friends, I hesitate to borrow the clichéd phrase, "I reconnected with what is truly important." Because "what is truly important" spans beyond relaxation and family and friends and my time with them.  As crucial as those precious moments may be, the lack of hard work for two weeks reminds me of the importance of playing my other roles in life beyond wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.  I appreciate my need to fill other capacities that involve solving problems and creating career opportunities for others.

I unabashedly admit that I revel in the energy that comes with orchestrating possible business opportunities, connecting with new people in my quest to better career education, creating new tools to help empower people to reach their potential. I'm invigorated by activities such as coaching, writing, reading, and presenting. I suppose that is the "flow" that the great psychologist/philosopher, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi refers to.

“Enjoyment appears at the boundary between boredom and anxiety, 
when the challenges are just balanced 
with the person's capacity to act.” 

― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Author of Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

In essence, I derive momentum from doing what I enjoy and employing my greatest abilities.

But I also acknowledge the longterm rewards that come from sitting back, letting my stronger abilities take a vacation and noticing non-work related things. Like what Christmas presents my kids are enjoying the most. Or talking to my husband about the flavors of the latest roasted sweet potato recipe I've created. Or not having any ambitions beyond retiring the ole PJ's by noon-or 5pm on a good day. It gives my mind a chance to let ideas from 2013 percolate without any interruption. And I'll have a fresh perspective on the creative problems I'll need to help others tackle this coming year.

Of course, this also means that I don't have that momentum to tackle much right out of the gate. And that some opportunities for professional growth probably passed me by as I laid on the couch and watched my son act out an imaginary game of football while watching a real football game on TV. (Same goes with hockey- when he watches sports, there are always two games going on- the real and the imagined one. Tackling himself gets a little crazy, but whatever.)

It means that at the end of this hibernation I feel the grip of that cumbersome law of physics which says an object at rest stays at rest. That any motion toward progress feels about as distant as that bar of soap when you're lazily submerged in a warm, sudsy bubble bath.

So, in this brand spankin' new year, my creative juices are still in need of some revving up. I'm still feeling a bit lethargic and more than a trite unambitious. But that's okay. After all, 2014 is still in it's infancy and we're a mere four days in.

And I figure, why not have a more gradual approach to the new year?

Ciabatta, Anyone?

I've therefore decided to borrow the words on a sign outside a new local bakery/eatery. The sign claims the store is having a "soft opening," which means, I discovered, no grand openings. No website. No liquor license, at least yet. Credit cards will be accepted... eventually. And please, don't expect regular hours during the week.

However, most weekends you'll likely find its door open for business, an aroma of freshly baked bread wafting out into the parking lot, beckoning hapless passersby to pop in for a buttery, flaky pain au chocolat or pecan sticky bun.

Of course, I have no idea what this "soft opening" means for their bottom line.  And, I suppose, it's not my problem to address anyway.  I just try to do my civic, locavore duty by buying their delectably moist chocolate chip muffins and melt-in-your-mouth cinnamon rolls. (I know, I know. I am so altruistic.)

Alas, cheers to a "soft" beginning in 2014. May you have many lovely moments to experience in the new year-personally and professionally.

Photo credit: Creative Commons, Via Flickr

Dark, Damp, Dreary Days Be Gone!

This past week has been a wet one here in Washington, DC.  For five days we've endured dark gray skies, downpours, drizzles and steady, relentless rain that's left us soaked to the bone. And now, finally, as I type these words, I'm doing what I've been aching to do for the past five days: to sit down with a nice cup of tea, wrap myself in a blanket and enjoy the fact that I don't have to go anywhere.

  

Without the sun's bright rays to bathe the landscape in light, everything has not only looked darker, but felt darker too.

Can you hear me that when it rains and shines, 

It’s just a state of mind, 

Can you hear me, can you hear me?

                                                     
                                                          - The Beatles, "Rain"

Oh, those sunny days...

While rain or shine might not be a tiebreaker for some people, I know that my mind and body actually do function better when it's sunny outside. Any time clouds rule the skies day after day I typically don't have as much energy as I normally do.  I don't feel like exercising or doing much of anything, especially outside.  I wouldn't say that during a period such as this I'm necessarily depressed (at least in a clinical sense, as  major depressive episodes are much more severe and debilitating, and can be chronic.) However, rain and clouds do temporarily dampen my spirit and negatively impact my mood and energy.

And, as you know, feeling lethargic stinks. (Except when you're on vacation, of course.)

So when the sun hides itself behind thick, dark clouds, particularly for days on end, I know it's time to actively elevate my mood by other means than sunlight.  Through research and good ole trial and error, I have uncovered numerous ways to up the endorphins and potentially increase serotonin levels. I have discovered what activities can give my mind the little boost it needs to kickstart it into gear.  And the more I learn about new, effective methods, the more I can combat the blues from all different angles.

Here are My top energy and mood boosters:

Gear up and
get outside!no matter what the weather (natural light is natural light, after all)

read a good book,

talk to an encouraging someone,

PAINT (anything),

journal,

take pictures of your favorite things

make something for somebody (yourself included),

I made this fun brooch

and decorated a mirror. 'Cause why not?!

Watch guinea pigs play,

bake COOKIES for someone,

(Or make your dog bake them for you.)

Cook and Eat a Nourishing 
Breakfast, 

Chef John Macpherson

Look at pictures of baby goats,

(It does it for me every time.)

DOODLE on your front door step,

doodled by Sophie McGale

indulge in a fun magazine,

Did I mention, "Watch guinea pigs?"

look at pictures that make you smile,

buy flowers- or cut them from your garden- and arrange them in a vase,

s-t-r-e-t-c-h,

meditate,
listen to fun music,
dance, 

MOVE! run, hike, walk, lift weights

Go through pictures from great trips

complete a simple task like a load of laundry or a sink full of dishes,  

('cause hey, you're in a bad mood anyway 
and getting it done will make you feel as if you've accomplished something)

or perhaps... just chew on something 
that makes a funny squeaky sound.

Fortunately, one of the benefits of being a career coach is that I am constantly discovering and accumulating effective mental health tools for my clients, since a healthy mind serves as both an essential building block and a happy result of creating one's ideal career path. 

from Useful Guy (creative commons)

Having a handy toolbox full of mental health boosters empowers us to manage our mood before it manages us. We can't always control what the next day at work might entail, who or what might puncture our enthusiasm, whether or not Company Z will love us in our next interview, or if the sun will choose to hide or shine. We can, however, remember what tools pick us up mentally, even if by just a little. Sometimes that little boost is all we need to get moving again.

*********
Need some more ideas?  I often refer people to the works of Dr. David Burns, a pioneer in cognitive behavioral therapy who created powerful steps to take when feeling depressed. In particular, his book, Feeling Good, written over 40 years ago, is still incredibly relevant today.

Most importantly, if you are feeling consistently down, depressed, anxious and/or sad, don't try to go it alone!!  (You know how I feel about tackling big issues with the whole Do It Yourself Method- it stinks!) Talk to a mental health specialist, particularly a provider who comes recommended by others. And don't hesitate to ask for help and support from friends and family as well. You owe it to yourself to have lots of really good days to look forward to.

Ahhh... Italiahhh

My husband and I just returned from our much anticipated trip to Italy. This trip, as you'll recall, was in honor of our 20th Anniversary.

Twenty big ones, Baby!

As you also know, I made sure I went in to the trip managing my pie-in-the-sky expectations, especially in light of our honeymoon troubles two decades ago. I promised myself that I would fully participate in making the vacation experience enjoyable, keeping my vision of perfection flexible.

Street performers in Rome

But thankfully I didn't have to work too hard, as Italy did most of the work for me. My husband and I were able to relax and have the time of our lives.  Everything really WAS perfect.

Alright, mostly perfect.  On our last night in Rome, my sweetie couldn't sleep from the music blasting from the night club down the street, so you can imagine how hard the next day of overseas travel was for him. I myself slept like a bambina, as I was still under the effects of Dramamine, my medicine of choice for the ferry ride earlier that day. But apart from that, all was absolute ...

Paradiso

Spaghetti that is sweet, spicy and just a tad creamy.

Insalata di Frutti di Mare

The food.  The wine.  The beauty all around us.  Being together, sleeping in, having our own schedule without any whining... and I cannot emphasize the absence of whining enough... made for a brilliant holiday.

Insalata Caprese

How can they make gazpacho taste soooo good?

What made it really relaxing was knowing that our two kids were well taken care of by their loving aunts, uncles and grandparents.  They kept them so busy with fun activities that, according to numerous accounts, there was no whining whatsoever!

(I was ALMOST jealous.)

Here are some of the many pictures I took along our journey from Rome to Capri to Positano, then back to Rome to fly home.

Positano, The Amalfi Coast

Mornings were pure drudgery...

Fresh fruit on the veranda...

Beautiful floral arrangements...

Cappuccino

Evenings were even worse...

Sunset on the Isle of Capri

View of Positano at dusk

Bellissima notte

"When the moon hits your eye
Like a 
big pizza pie
That's amore."

Now THAT'S  Sangria!! (And a Mint Julep for The Mister.)

And I couldn't recall the last time I'd had a cocktail at 1:00 in the afternoon.

Steps down to a private little beach. We launched kayaks from here.

At Capri's Orsa Maggiore: A room with a VIEW

Fragrant flowers outside our albergo on Capri

Captain Ivan took us around the island

Exploring Capri by sea

Me thinking I'm SOMETHIN' tooling around the island!

Gorgeous turquoise and sapphire water

Loved all of the little coves and caves

La Fontelina

A restaurant accessible by boat or a short hike. You know what we chose!

Hubby and Captain Ivan looking for a good swimming spot

Beautiful cave formation

Relaxing at Il Ricci after our relaxing afternoon of boating (and we think we spotted Gerard Butler here!)

A natural bridge in the stone

View from cliff above

Cute boutique

Bougainvillea spilled out everywhere

High end shopping in Capri Town (I bought nothing.)

Capri Terrace

Intricate design is everywhere

Terraced garden on the property of our hotel in Positano.  All produce is grown on site.

Honeysuckle and flowers were everywhere

Taking time to enjoy the Mediterranean views from the hotel terrace.

Looking out over Positano

I just wish pictures could capture the wonderful 

scents and sounds.

My favorite color combo: turquoise and salmon

Ravello

Lunch poolside in Ravello

Enjoyed the crisp, cool air of the mountains warmed by the sun.

Breathtaking views!

Too much rugged beauty to speak of.

If we didn't have two children and a dog at home to take care of, I doubt we would've returned home!