Multi-talented You (Yes, You!!!)

Despite what many believe, we all have multiple talents that are just sitting there waiting for us to use them- personally and professionally. We can also play several important roles at any given time in our life while using many different talents in varying degrees.  

As you're well aware, countless studies show that we thrive better when we allow ourselves to live in a multi-dimensional way, dividing our time between family, friends, hobbies, side interests AND professional fulfillment.  After all, we are anything but one dimensional human beings, so why live as if we are? Besides, success in one area often motivates us to thrive in another.

"But I Don't Have Any Talents (much less multiple ones)!!!!"

I've heard many people say to me, when they hear about my work in natural talents and abilities, "Oh, I don't have any natural talents." Or "my brother got all the talent in our family." And how many times have you heard people say, "I don't have real talent, I just work hard."

Latest Winners, Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough

But the truth is that we all have talents. They may not be as obvious to us as say, throwing a fastball like Stephen Strasburg, or possessing moves worthy of Dancing With the Stars,

but they are there; when we know how they all fit together, they are powerful!  

Imagine if we were all to throw away our preconceived notions about our lack of talent and learn instead about the ones we possess. We could not only thrive but make the world a better place by confidently expressing those multiple talents.

Want some of my celebrity examples? Below are features about two fantastic athletes with some pretty obvious talents: baseball player, Jayson Werth of the Washington Nationals (Go Nats!!!) and LA Lakers basketball player, Steve Nash. But more than just shine light on their evident abilities, these articles highlight the talents we don't see on the ball field or basketball court. 

But, IMHO, those hidden, less obvious talents are the best ones! Talents like selling, persuading, motivating, facilitating, promoting, researching, managing, nurturing, protecting, trouble shooting, tweaking, and creating are ones that you can discover in yourself and develop to their fullest potential. And who knows where these abilities could lead once you discover how they work in combination with one another.

After all, your unique cocktail of talents may not grace the cover of Esquire Magazine like those of Leonardo DiCaprio, but who says you can't be a superstar in your own way? 

Via Flickr

CLICK HERE for Jayson Werth's story

Via Flickr

CLICK HERE for Steve Nash's story

p.s. I am always on the hunt for fascinating people who make use of their multiple talents, personally and professionally. Know of anyone? (Maybe it's you!)  If so, please share! Leave a comment.

Thanks,

Katie

49 1/2 Shades of Passion

Admit it.  You just keep coming back for the pictures.

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In my last post, I came to the defense of passion, since it seems to have taken a major beating in the media during the past few months.

 Flickr

In this last post I also pointed out that people look at following passion from different vantage points.

Some individuals are drawn to passion when talking about their careers- or potential careers- while others find the word about as useful as standing around watching two monkeys hug one another.

(Note: I suppose some people might have a passion for watching monkeys hug one another, but that's a different blog post all together.)

It is with these dual perspectives in mind that I began looking at the various approaches to passion from our headline grabbing writers, Aspen Institute founder and biographer Walter Isaacson, Linked-In CEO Reid Hoffman and professor/author Cal Newport.  From their writings and public commentary we can see how they have painted the word "passion":

Walter Isaacson: Self-Centered Passion

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In a recent article, Mr. Isaacson spoke with the Huffington Post about the Aspen Institute's new focus on encouraging youth to serve America after graduation.  He discusses the importance of doing something larger than yourself, which can be reached by doing some kind of service corps right out of college or high school. It might be a medical corps or teaching corps or the military- anything that serves other individuals.

It is in this context that he relates a conversation with Steve Jobs about following ones passion:

"We talked about the fact that it isn't just about your damn passion-- it's about doing something larger than yourself. It's about serving this world, helping others.  So if you have a whole generation of people [who've been told, 'Oh, just follow your passion,' they're going to forget that there's some purpose in life."

mathrubhumi.com

The philosophy of looking at something greater than yourself is spot on and is a very integral part of the career design method that I use with my clients. However, the above statement presumes that discovering yourself and following your interests and abilities is mutually exclusive of helping others or being practical.

I contend it can be both. Many people view the word and their passion not only as an expression of themselves but also as an expression of what they can offer to others. In fact, most of my clients come to me asking the quintessential question, "How can I best help others using my passions and talents?"

By first asking this powerful question, clients are better able to reach the goal that Isaacson says we need to reach: meeting the needs of others.

Reid Hoffman: Passion Poppycock

passionate about this poppycock
dominic coulter

Hoffman seems to view following one's passion as a lofty, end-gaining, unrealistic career vision that will quickly become obsolete with our ever-fluctuating times. He alternately uses the more objective, dispassionate phrase, "flexibly consistent framework" to describe how we need to pursue careers.

While his point about fluidity certainly makes sense, I believe Hoffman's advice is best taken by first asking yourself, "What interests and abilities (and even passions!) are going to help me build a solid foundation upon which to build my framework?" Far from the vague and lofty question Hoffman rails against, this type of question is razor sharp.

Answering this potent question gives you self-confidence and a solid knowledge base from which you can adapt and thrive in ever-shifting work environments. It allows you to manage setbacks more efficiently and determine how you can best help in your profession. Moreover, you are then able to adjust your career goals as your passions, interests and needs change. 

Cal Newport: Plain Ole Vanilla Passion Doesn't Cut It

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In the same vein, Mr. Newport seems to suggest that conventional wisdom's version of "passion" equates to a pre-conceived fantasy, lacking authenticity until cultivated for several years.  He instead uses objective terms such as "deliberate practice" and "unifying mission" to tell us how to get to valuable, satisfying work, or "Passion 2.0."

Newport's method definitely has merit; however, it works best when a person first takes the time to ask themselves, "What do I need to deliberately practice, cultivate and care about in order to develop a unifying mission?" Even Newport himself, on his blog, Study Hacks, reveals in his bio that he has a need to "decode" (great verb, by the way!) overly simplistic conventions for success such as "follow your passion." Rather, he says he "dive[s] deeper, looking to decode underlying patterns of success, in all their nuanced glory."

"To nuzzle" is a good verb, don't you think?
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(That has to be one of my favorite bio's, by the way.)

We all have pre-existing passions, fascinations and/or proclivities, no matter what you want to call them. Everyone has something-a function, let's call it- that they feel a relentless need to do, like "decode" or "guide" or "illustrate." These are functions that energize us and often make us lose track of time. 

Of course, the way in which we express these needs will change over time.  We may lose interest in a subject area or we may find that we evolve out of performing our once-loved function into a more nuanced version.  Likewise, we may move into other roles that have lain dormant for a good while.

However, the essence of who we are, what we're naturally good at and therefore drawn to doesn't change. Good career guidance translates the need to do x or y or z into a sustainable career. It also provides the language and insight to help people articulate what they need to have in a career and why, before they determine how to get there. It gets you in the right field before you embark on the journey.

Which leads me to the conclusion of my series on passion:

Get in Your Game: Passion-filled or Otherwise


No matter how you view "passion", all of these methods work best once you figure out your foundation and what careers are in your playing field.

And when I hear my clients talk about wanting to follow their passion, I'm really hearing them say that they have a yearning that needs to be met, even though they can't quite articulate what that need or urge is yet.  

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Through career coaching, individuals eventually discover that this "passion" is actually something they are driven to do because of their natural talents and interests, so that's when they have to ask themselves the razor sharp, function-oriented questions that I detailed above.

The answers are complex and will evolve mostly with the trial and error knowledge that comes with going out and experiencing the world.  But that experience will be most efficient and useful if, once again, you have a solid sense of yourself and your general field of ability and potential expertise.

So honor your passion, if that's what you want to call it, discover your talents, find your playing field, and then...

PLAY BALL!

Careers for the Passion-Minded

(Caution: Buzzkill Ahead!)

As I said in my last post on Passionate Politics and Careers, strongly held values make up a healthy portion of the ideal career path for the passion-minded individual.  However- and yes, I admit to being a Debbie Downer here-it's important to consider the breadth and nuances of the path you'll be embarking on before diving in headfirst.

For the idealistic go-getters of the world- the brave ones who aren't afraid to roll up their sleeves and help those most in need- it's easy to get caught up in the emotional aspects of a cause and charge ahead blindly.  Anger, outrage, empathy and fierce determination are among the many strong emotions that tend to drown out the finer, more practical aspects of the potential career path.

Instead of letting those emotions completely take over the show, consider the following as you choose which passion-filled career path to take:

1. Requisite Natural Abilities. Determine whether or not you possess a talent that can help the cause you believe in. Being able to carry out day-to-day functions is critical. Sure, many skills and talents can be developed with hard work, that's a given, but a person can only stretch a non-strength so far every day all day.  In small organizations, especially in the non-profit world, margins are tight, demanding a lot of productivity from each employee.  Well-honed, natural abilities allow you to get the work done quickly and efficiently, whereas inherent weaknesses slow you down.

To give you an example, I did bookkeeping and financial reporting at a fairly large theatre company many years ago. (Theatre was my greatest passion at the time.) I eventually got the work done at the end of the day, but it was way too belabored and inefficient to be truly helpful.  If you've been following this blog, you'll know that this is hardly a strength of mine, as numerical details and I don't really mesh.

In fact, I would spend so much time trying to get all of the details straight that I couldn't get to the other tasks that my boss needed me to do.  Thankfully I didn't stay in that position long, as you can imagine.  Besides the misfit in strengths, I absolutely dreaded going to work every day. I eventually found teaching drama to be a more natural fit for me, and it soon became a lucrative, sustainable supplement to my acting income.

2. Temperament. Another natural inclination to consider is personality preference.  I've worked with many clients who previously pursued a career based on an interest or passion only to find that the functions they performed on a daily basis weren't a good fit for their personality.

For instance, one individual had a personality that was highly geared toward meeting human needs- a very subjective, Feeling preference.  Therefore she found that working primarily with spreadsheets- an objective, Thinking function- failed to satisfy her inclination and ability to work directly with people. Even though indirectly she was working with numbers and strategies in order to help people, after a while it wasn't enough to sustain her motivation on a daily basis.  With coaching, she moved into a position that allowed her to work more directly with the immediate needs of people, giving her renewed energy to work for the cause she believed in.

3. Environmental Considerations. And no, I'm not talking about tree hugging versus clear cutting a rain forest; rather, I'm referring to the work environment that suits you the best.  Don't get me wrong- every individual will go through different types of work settings as they move through the various stages of their career, and sometimes these settings will be anything but ideal. (There's no such thing as a flawless career journey!) But knowing in advance the hierarchical nature of the organizations who deal with your cause, as well as the culture and personalities of people who work there, will serve you well.  Not only might you save yourself from unrealistic expectations of how you'll fit into that environment, you might also prevent yourself from quickly getting burned out working for the cause that once motivated you.

3. Living Wages. Are you able to make a reasonable living (i.e. at least above poverty line) while investing your time in this cause?  What about paying off student loans?  Will you have to live at home? Or on someone's sofa? And are you comfortable with that?  If so, how long can and should you impose?

Most importantly, will you be able to stay healthy while you are pursuing this interest? In order to be able to help others, you must be able to take care of yourself mentally and physically as well as financially.  Sacrificing sleep, worrying about your safety, stressing about whether you can afford to keep your lights on or buy groceries may preclude you from being truly helpful to others or from doing the work you've always hoped to do. You alone can determine what your threshold is for mental and physical hardship and sacrifice. The more honest with yourself, the better.

4. Other Values. Yes, we all have more than one thing we value.  My clients and I spend a good amount of time prioritizing values. And because of this exercise, they end up thriving in a career path where they've maximized the scope of their interests and values.  They find that looking through a holistic lens gives them a dynamic yet grounded sense of themselves.  They see that they are more than just a proponent of a cause. They become increasingly self-aware individuals, confident of their varied sets of abilities and skills. They learn which skills they can best hone, enabling them to offer the most to their cause and better ride the inevitable ups and downs of their career journey.

5. Alternative Routes. Many roads lead to success, and working towards a value you feel strongly about is no exception.  You'd be surprised how many avenues you can take to make a difference in the world.  My clients experience tremendous success by starting with their newly discovered fleet of natural abilities and then seeing where these abilities (and skills, if applicable) can take them.  We start digging around unexplored fields where they can do work pertaining to their values as well as their talents.  Many times they go into paths they never knew existed! Or they create their own unique social enterprises.


Caution: Open Mind Required

All of these considerations take a little more time, research, patience and imagination.  They require you to think in different terms than you are used to.  They necessitate honest self-assessment, which often means turning down the emotions long enough for the objective, logical part of your brain to have a say.

But don't get me wrong- there are many atrocities and needs out there that demand every ounce of compassion and fervor you can muster, and the above considerations are not meant to be discouraging.  Instead, I hope they'll give you the momentum to do what you need to get out there and do.

And sometimes, especially if you often fall victim to the analysis-paralysis trap, you'll have to let go of the fact that you aren't going to be able iron out all of the details prior to making a career decision.  For those individuals, I recommend reading Leaping Before You Look or The Not-So-Comfie Zone .

I'll leave you with an encouraging quote from Allen Blue, co-founder of LinkedIn:

"Whenever I talk to young people, I always talk to them about finding something that they care enough about that they can build the energy behind it to acquire the skills they need. To follow that passion down the road toward something which is going to be great for them. Because it'll lead to the education, the right decisions, and the right mistakes, to get them to the right answers in the end." 

Now, go get 'em, Tiger!

Don't Be Like Steve

Here is some wonderful insight by John Lilly, investor, computer scientist, teacher, blogger, former CEO of Mozilla, and once-Apple scientist who worked with Steve Jobs:

The biggest message from Jobs’ life: Don’t try to be like Steve. Don’t try to be like anyone. Be yourself and work as hard as you can to bring wonderful things into the world. Figure out how you want to contribute and do that, in your own way, on your own terms, as hard as you can, as much as you can, as long as you can. His most lasting message, I hope, won’t be about technology or management or media or communications or even design. The work he did in those areas certainly matters and will continue to — impossible to ignore it. Still, I think it’s not the main thing, the essential thing. 

I hope the message that people really take, really internalize is that being yourself, as hard as you can, is the way to have important and lasting impact on our world. That might be in the context of technology. It might be in the context of technology, or the arts, or sports, or government, or social justice — or even in the context of your family and close friends.It almost doesn’t matter. The thing that matters most is to figure out what’s important to you, what’s core to you, and do that. Be that. And do it as well as you possibly can, every single day.

http://john.jubjubs.net/ Oct 09

It Changed My Life!

No really, it did!  (QVC, I'm ready for my close-up!!!!!!)

By "it" I mean working with an amazing career coach several years ago.  With his expert help, I was able to unleash potential in me that I never knew existed.  What a relief I felt to discover all of these untapped abilities which had previously been masked as"something is missing, but I don't know what." 

Once I began applying my strengths instead of trying to improve my weaknesses, life got a lot easier.  I felt as if a gigantic boulder had been lifted off my shoulders: a heavy burden that pulled me down, making me feel like I should be happy with where I was, what I was doing, and the success I had had thus far as an actress.
 
Before finding out that a) career coaches even existed and b) I could actually afford one, I looked like every other unhappy worker bee out there;  I felt underused, for lack of a better word.  Moreover, I adhered to "The Great Career Myth":  that we should all be able to do this career deciding thing on our own.  Because hey, if some people can find the right match, then so can everyone, right?  There seems to be an collective understanding that if we, and we alone, think and try hard enough a career will come into our sphere of recognition.  I was under that impression for years until I happened upon a great career coach myself.  I learned just how much information and targeted questioning goes into a perfect career path.

Prior to moving to the Washington DC area, I had never even heard of a career coach before.  Growing up in rural Indiana, the term "coach" referred solely to someone who, for instance, headed up a basketball team and threw chairs at his players.  (Thanks for the memories, Bobby Knight!)  Career "counselors" held court in career centers at high schools, colleges and universities, not on their own.   So I was pleasantly surprised when I happened upon someone who could work with me one on one.

And what a truly life-altering experience working with a career coach turned out to be.  I found out what razor-sharp questions to ask myself, and I learned how my temperament affected the way I learn and take in information and make decisions.  I also came to understand how certain abilities and inabilities influenced past hits and misses.  Most importantly, I was finally able to determine my brain's needs and natural affinities. 


How I Did It
 
My first step entailed taking a career assessment that was actually really helpful, unlike those I'd taken in the past.  The assessment measured things that I'd never even heard of but that are so important to know when it comes to finding your dream career.  If you are wondering about which career assessments to take, let me give you a hint:  as with anything in life, you get what you pay for.  A sophisticated career assessment that measures 16 + aptitudes and talents will run between $500-600.

While that may seem expensive, especially compared to the free Strong Interest Surveys and personality assessments offered at a high school, college, or even online, it is a much, much more powerful tool.  (Kind of like an X-Ray for your aptitudes!) Because it is more in depth, this type of assessment will narrow down the career playing field to small fraction of what the other, more generalized assessments offer.  And let's face it, who has the time to pour over hundreds of career possibilities versus a handful?

A good, comprehensive ability instrument (*see recommendation below) will measure many critical abilities and aptitudes, versus just focusing on personality or our ever-changing interests.  And while personality, temperament and interests are very critical components to your "sweet spot" formula, they are not enough to complete the equation.  Compared to the money you may be about to spend on furthering your education ($100K +), training you might seek, or getting stuck in a job that you feel you can't leave lest you look like a job hopper, I would say $500 is a drop in the bucket!

In addition to discovering my strengths and abilities, I worked intently with my coach.  He never told me what I should do; rather, he helped me figure it out for myself, just like any good career coach should.  Using the assessment results as a guide, I fleshed out what I was consistently drawn to do.  I also asked those close to me to assess my abilities and talents and natural instincts.  Thirdly, I changed my perspective from that of a job seeker to that of a career designer.  No more looking at want ads to determine what might fit me.  I knew I needed to invent a career specifically tailored for me.

Lastly, once I made some really scary but meaningful commitments to myself, I took a leap that I never thought I would be capable of taking:  I started my own unique consulting business.  In career coaching, no less! While aspects of self-employment can be challenging, I have no doubts that this is exactly what I need to do.  Helping people design their own careers fits me like a glove.  This line of "work" is anything but for me.  That's because this is something I need to do, not just want to do. 

Thanks to my fantastic mentor and aforementioned coach, this career design process describes what I do with my own clients today. I enable them to figure out what they do best by "connecting the dots."  I show my client how to gather clues about his or her strengths, how to self motivate by using inborn talents and preferences, and how to unleash the potential within.  In this way I help my client play detective and uncover the mystery of where his or her "sweet spot" lies.

So that's my story.

What's yours?

Or have you yet to invent it? 


*I highly recommend using Pathfinders, owned by Anthony Spadafore.  He administers and interprets the Career Finder Program, which measures a full range of aptitudes.  Check out www.pathfinderscareerdesign.com for more information.

The Blind Side's Got Talent... to a T

Being a parent of two little children means that I am a few weeks, perhaps months, even years behind on my movie viewing.  I am equally pathetic at reading your typical mainstream bestsellers.  For example,  I just read The Da Vinci Code a couple of months ago.  I really don't understand the hype about that one... but I guess I can't add anything to that erudite (ahem) and controversial discussion because it ended, what, 10 years ago? So I will apologize here and now for referencing movies that are so NOW-ON-DVD.

That being said, the movie, The Blind Side, hasn't been out too long (and Sandy won an Oscar and adopted a baby or two and had boy trouble, as I was told by the supermarket tabloids), so I thought it might still be on everyone's radar.

My grade for the movie:  an A+ for celebrating the powerful force of knowing one's own unique talents.  Based on the non-fiction book, The Blind Side:  Evolution of a Game by Michael Lewis, this movie illustrates what happens when talent and temperament are ignited by a catalyst:  in this case, an observant, intuitive mother.
  
As a young man, Michael Oher, now grown up and an offensive tackle for The Baltimore Ravens, was the victim of tragic neglect since infancy.  This neglect stunted his intellectual and social abilities by epic proportions.  However, as movingly portrayed in The Blind Side, Oher has the good fortune of being taken in by a loving and caring family.   His adoptive family provides not only for his basic physical needs of a bed, a home and food, but his emotional and intellectual needs as well.  His mother, Leigh Anne Touhy, played by the aforementioned Sandra Bullock, as well as his father and a caring teacher see his potential intellect and talent lying dormant, and gradually help to nurture Michael's inborn gifts to life.

Motivation and Ability

Oher's new caretakers quickly discover that the young man possesses incredible natural athleticism in addition to his large size;  however, they feel there's a missing piece of the puzzle.  Michael, who does not - and cannot- adequately communicate his own preferences, seems reluctant to use his athletic ability and strength.  Despite his enormous size he has no desire to tackle just for the sake of tackling, unlike every other lineman on the team.  The high school coach can't understand why anyone of Michael's stature wouldn't seek to use this size to his advantage and crush his relatively diminutive opponents.

As if in response to the coach's incredulity, the movie employs a wonderful analogy: the classic children's story of Ferdinand the Bull.    Ferdinand is the sweet, loveable and enormous bull who has no aggressive instincts even though he's supposed to be, well, bullish.   Oher is that gentle giant who's modus operandi, in spite of his size, carries no aggressive inclinations.

The mother discovers this lack of aggressiveness and turns it into a solution.  She intuitively taps into a priceless jewel hidden beneath her son's 300 + lb. frame: an unsung affinity for protecting and caring for others.  She points out to Michael that he has the opportunity to protect his fellow players, just as he protects his family.  Once this pivotal discovery is put into play, Michael Oher's life is changed forever.  He has found his motivation, and the rest of his life starts to come together.

Specialized Talent

Unlike many offensive positions in football, the left tackle actually seeks to protect the quarterback, not just tackle the defensive line.  In his book, author Michael Lewis examines how specialized a person must be to play the offensive left tackle position at the highest level in football: playing in the N.F.L.   This position's requisite specialty is even rarer than many other positions in pro football and therefore "one of the most valuable commodities," as Lewis writes.  (Oh, and did I mention, the second highest paid position, next to the quarterback?)

This specialization is where Michael Oher's physical tools come into play.  He has amazing agility combined with enormous (yet solid) size and incredible speed.  He also possesses inordinately large hands to handle tough defenders, and long arms to keep the rushers at bay.  These traits enable Oher to protect the quarterback's blind side- the left side.  The country's top football coaches spotted his uniqueness right away and vied for Michael Oher to come play at their schools.

On a career note, we have all seen/heard/read about how talent scouts and coaches look for specific characteristics in putting together a football team.   Different positions obviously require different skills.  So what if non-athletes were to look at themselves from that perspective?    My guess is that most people would benefit from thinking of themselves as highly specialized individuals.

You have a singular, intricate tapestry of physical and mental abilities in the same way you have a distinct fingerprint.   What if you began looking at yourself as a scout would:  what combined talents, motivations, abilities, and strengths do you have to offer?  If you aren't crystal clear, a career expert can help to illuminate traits you would never think of as useful.  (Because, hey, who has the luxury of being discovered by a talent scout for accounting or entrepreneurial brilliance?)
 
Environment Seals the Deal

By the end of the movie we see what happens when a nurturing, supportive environment helps an individual ignite his talent and intellect.  We see Michael's journey from working hard just to physically survive each day (as he had for 16 + years) to working hard to excel at his talents, mental pursuits, passions, and dreams.  And this journey illustrates an important element as far as talent is concerned: without any nurturing, a person's nature cannot be expressed fully or, as in Michael's case, barely at all.  His hard-working, intelligent, protective nature, was not seen until some basic foundations had been allowed him.

As a mother watching this movie, I could relate. This is because I've got my own little Ferdinand.  Or Fernandina, to be exact.  And she's more like a lithe little calf than a bull, but that's beside the point.  Like Michael, she seems to lack any aggressive instincts.  When playing soccer, for example, she would much rather stand out in a field and gather daisies for the other teammates than have anything to do with fighting for ball time.  Moreover, when a fellow player gets hurt, she MUST  go and see if he is okay.  (Yes, "he."  She's in with all boys, and no, we did not plan it that way but she's hanging in there like a champ.)  She would much rather play the healer role than that of the aggressor.  But instead of wishing she'd kick the ball (okay, just once during the entire one and a half hour class might be nice,) I do find her inclinations fascinating.

Who knows how my daughter will use her healing nature in the future, but only she can figure that out.  It may or may not have anything to do with the medical field;  healing may be the way she approaches her job or clients or students or co-workers.  But I hope that, like Michael's parents, I can provide the opportunities for her to thrive.  My wish for her as she gets older: to be able to pick daisies in whatever field she chooses.

Rough, Tough Cream Puff

Watching my daughter (not pictured above) transform from an infant to the little lady she is today has been nothing short of fascinating.  Her personality becomes more and more apparent as she grows up, and visible traits become patterns rather than mere temporary phases.  In particular, her affinity to care for others seems to have become a permanent fixture in her behavioral library.

Many parents, teachers, babysitters, and other adults have labeled her as “very sweet," and I've  observed from a very young age how helpful and nurturing she naturally behaves toward other children.  She jumps at the chance to comfort some other child, especially when they are having trouble emotionally.  (And come on, when isn't someone crying somewhere in a room full of little rug rats?)  For instance, during the first few weeks of kindergarten my daughter dutifully sat and comforted a fellow student at recess when he was scared of his new school environment.  She behaved in this fashion even when she was barely old enough to talk.  “It otay, baby, it otay,” she’d murmur to a crying infant she'd just met.

(Author's note:  I won't tell you she doesn't have her, ahem, moments.  When it comes down to her own younger sibling, nurturing gets rather dicey.  That behavior depends largely on mood.  Just yesterday I heard her emit some pretty evil cackling noises when her brother couldn't have a toy he wanted.  But that's another matter for Dr. Spock... or Phil.)

As a child, people described me much the same way they perceive Emma:  sweet, caring, kind.
However, towards the end of high school and then into college, I became a bit cynical.   (Okay, really cynical.) I was tired of being “little miss nice girl.”  I really wanted to become tough, assertive, less sensitive and feeling.  I ached to build up a thick exterior that wouldn’t crack like a delicate egg shell every time someone criticized me.  My mother always bemoaned my vulnerability at the hands of others’ comments.  “Why do you have to be so sensitive all the time?” she’d ask me again and again.  And I'd get upset and wonder what was wrong with me.

So when I hit 16 or 17 and the time came to think of careers, becoming a tough litigator seemed particularly inviting.  And, in actually, a tough anything would've done it.  I was determined to become strong in persona, direct and indifferent; a tough bulldog versus a sweet golden retriever who simply pleased and cared for others.  Thus many of my original career images and goals were spun from a need to become, in essence, different.  I wanted to summon up the emotional resiliency I always felt I’d had in me and become the hard ass I was capable of becoming-- at 5'2".

In high school and into college I’d tell people the legal career I had in mind, to which many replied, “You’re too nice to become a litigator.”   Well that just fueled my fire!  Becoming a litigator became my mission.  And what I find so ironic, now that I am a career coach, is the fact that I was so misguided about litigators.  I now know many successful trial attorneys who are NOT tough, which is why they are so effective and win many a case!  Fortunately, I never did give law school a shot, as you may have read about in my previous blog, To Be or Not to Be.

So many people fall into the trap of pursuing a career they believe will transform them into the person they want to be, as opposed to who they truly are.  Fortunately for us stubborn little bulldogs, our true talents track us down, haunting us to the end until we relent.   In fact, it wasn’t until my 30’s and had my first child that I began to see a reverse side to trying to be the tough-skinned individual I craved so badly.  First of all, it wasn’t me.  Period.  The corporate sales world was indeed tough, and I didn't like it one bit.  The acting world was even tougher, and I felt reduced to cinders after every rejection, no matter how many ways I tried to psych myself into believing others' opinions really didn't matter.

Let's Hear It (Finally!) For Sensitivity

I eventually realized that I spent WAY too much energy trying to be something I wasn't.  I knew that I just wasn't bulldog material- no offense to the meek bulldogs out there, of course.  Rather, I was a golden retriever through and through:  loving, kind, caring, and, most interestingly, really really good at helping and motivating people, empowering others to craft solutions to their problems.  I finally understood that my intuitive, sensitive-to-others' feelings nature could be an asset, not a liability.

Directness, confidence and assertiveness started coming naturally, not by force-of-will.  My sensitivity, now allowed to flourish, quickly turned from an internal, negative focus to an external, positive, and effective force.  My self-esteem developed as I learned how my inborn preference for taking into account the feelings of others allowed me to "see" things that others with more utilitarian sensibilities could not detect.  In fact, many people who go into psychology-based fields have this same preference and ability. 

So now if my mother were to ask me why I'm so sensitive, I can matter-of-factly say, “because I am.  Isn't that great?  And it makes me a really good coach.”  I just had to realize how far empathy can take a person who sees its power.  Sensitivity to others can create fantastic opportunities.

The Not-So-Comfie Zone

Great career design is built on determining innate talents, abilities and preferences.  We want to help you find out what specifically puts you "in the zone."  Why? Because if you want to successfully perform tasks and step in certain roles on a daily basis, there must be an element of ease and comfort that makes doing them sustainable.

On the other hand, from time to time it pays to attempt a feat that is completely outside your comfort zone.  Sometimes generosity to clients or co-workers requires that you relinquish tightly held control by temporarily abandoning your normal way of doing things. And often times acquiring new business or moving forward to the next level of career development entails acting in a way that is completely unknown. In fact, sometimes the only way to accomplish something is by channeling a part of you that lies dormant and dusty. 

For example, are you more of a thinker than a doer?  Fantastic.  Be proud of and revel in that fact.  Even though conventional wisdom says we all need to just be doers, it doesn't take into account those people that should think more than do and aren't quick to pull the trigger.  Think of professors or research scientists:  we as a society absolutely need the these kinds of thinkers!  But even with that preference to analyze indefinitely, there must come a time when the thinkers determine closure and act.  And that action most certainly entails dusting off those old track shoes, jumping out of a comfort zone and into a new arena. 

(Tip: Feeling unsure?  You may not want to try out this crazy idea on your own.  You could ask a doer to help you navigate this unknown territory of "Just Do It" country.  They know it like the back of their hand.)
 
It's one thing to make yourself do things you dislike or aren't good at on a daily basis.  We call that phenomenon, which happens all too often, a career mismatch.  But when it comes to growing and making things happen for yourself and your life's path, pushing your personal preference meter past its typical range can reap huge benefits.

Give it a try today and see what happens.  But beware, you may feel quite empowered!