The Freedom of Audacity

Flag
Jasper Johns

I hope you had a great Memorial Day Weekend. 

I was fortunate enough to spend the weekend in NYC with my daughter, and we had a marvelous time, of course.

One of our stops was to the Museum of Modern Art (a.k.a. MoMA), where we saw magnificent paintings, including Jasper John's Flag painting shown above. Very appropriate for Memorial Day Weekend, no?

What I find most gratifying about going to a museum and seeing a work of art in person are the brush strokes. It humanizes the painting for me, making it relatable and personally inspiring.

detail of the mixed media
nature of Flag

So much of what we read about art has to do with it's monetary value. For instance, it was much easier to discover on the internet that Flag was recently auctioned off at a cool $36 million than to determine the creative underpinnings of Jasper Johns and his patriotic work. However, when I go to a museum full of Picasso's and Monet's and Matisse's I forget about the money and the fame of the painters. Instead, I am overwhelmed by their creative audacity.

Modern artists had the willingness to create their own artistic language and develop mediums and styles that went against what their contemporaries deemed worthy. What's more, these are people that took a gamble on spending their lives pursuing endeavors that most people found impractical at best and a complete waste of time at worst: painting, philosophizing, growing their artistic interpretation of space, figures, color and light, fusing together politics, psychology, language and popular culture. They reimagined what art was and could be.

While money was painfully elusive to some and generously bestowed on others, they all shared the very real risk of expressing themselves as individuals. Take Jasper Johns, who grew up in a small rural community in Georgia, who has said the following about being an artist,

"In the place where I was a child, there were no artists and there was no art, so I really didn't know what that meant. I think I thought it meant that I would be in a situation different than the one that I was in."

Needless to say, my daughter and I were very inspired by our visit. The MoMA's exhibits made us think, "What could we accomplish if we chose to break down the most common barriers to entry? What if we could drum up some of that courage?"

Imagine the possibilities!

smARTteacher
elementary students
reinterpret Johns' Flag painting

Most importantly, we determined that, in light of such an important American holiday, we needed to appreciate those human beings who gave their lives and made inspiration and creative freedom ours for the taking. 

What a truly priceless gift.

The Rhythm of Your Day

Apartment Therapy

A lot of people think they want to work from home mainly because they dream of working in their pajamas and writing from their laptop in bed while munching on a bag of Doritos and catching up on their Netflix. But take it from me, a work-from-homer: That's a total myth.

I'm not eating Doritos OR watching Netflix!

Seriously, though, who can blame them? Freedom to do what you want on pretty much your own schedule is a pretty enticing concept.

But what those work-from-home dreamers like to ignore is the fact that a) you really do have to get work done and b) there's a whole arsenal of distractions firing at you from all cylinders, trying to impede you from getting that said work done.

For example, here is what I am looking at right now as I type this post:

Cute Dog, looking at me. 
I 'd like to stop and pet her but I won't because I'm working.
Distraction Level: 3

Bits of paper bag pulled out from the recycling bin and strewn about the carpet by Cute Dog,
who chewed it up because she was mad at me when I went running earlier today without her 
(and because it smelled like hamburger.)
Now fighting urge to stop working to vacuum it up and, by the way, 
why won't that rug stain EVER go away?
Distraction Level: 10

Random picture that I took of a flamingo looking at a rock.
Stumbled upon it in my iPhoto Library as I was downloading the dirty carpet and Cute Dog picture. 
Felt compelled to photoshop and share it.
Distraction Level: 7

I could mention more distractions, such as the load of laundry that really should be changed over from the washer to the dryer right now or my closet that needs reorganizing or the frozen chicken breasts that probably should start thawing for dinner tonight or the pitiful looking flowers that desperately need water. But I don't think I need to because you get the point.

No, working from home certainly isn't for everyone, mainly because most people crave already-established boundaries in space and time, and find the parameters between their personal and professional lives in a home office too blurry for their taste. My husband, for instance, telecommutes one day a week and looks forward to it; however, he admits that he doesn't think he could do it two days a week, much less five. 

Now, lest you suspect that I might be the cause of his telecommuting reticence, I can assure you that's certainly not the case. Yes, it's true that I like to bounce my ideas off of him and get his feedback on things and, okay, I might occasionally ask him for a teensy bit of IT help now and then, (he's my tech geek, after all)  I'm generally pretty good at doing my own thing. I think he likes to go into the office because he enjoys being part of a team and gets a kick out of managing and listening and doing all of those things that engage him.

(At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

Embrace the Distractions

Even with all of its drawbacks, working from home benefits me tremendously. As long as I build in the distractions in a clever and efficient way, I'm a working machine most days! I'm even going to be so bold as to say that the dynamic structure of the work-from-home model could be applied to work habits in many environments. The key is being able to use your brain in different ways throughout the day, changing the tempo as needed.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Don't Pass on the Little Tasks 

@ Home: On my "official" breaks- the ones that I've earned by doing the necessary work first- I replenish my brain by doing simple activities like folding clothes or washing dishes. These are tasks that can be completed from start to finish quickly and require very little thinking.

A lot of my career education work is on the abstract and creative side and many projects remain open-ended, so it feels good to go in a completely different, close-ended direction from time to time. In fact, it always seems that as I've finished washing the last dish in the sink, I'm usually able to come up with a solution to a problem or drum up a new way of communicating a complex concept.

@ Office: Unless you'd like to come over and do my housework (which you're welcome to, by the way) I'm sure there are some menial tasks that no one would mind you completing at the office. Stapling, organizing the supply closet, sorting papers, filing, stuffing envelopes, or anything that needs doing but takes very little mental energy would do the trick. And you could always earn brownie points by being the clean-up person of the community kitchen.

(No one will suspect your ulterior motives.)

2. You Can't Sit Still Forever!

Remember when you were little? Remember the good teachers who understood that making you sit for hours at a time was a terrible idea for everyone involved? Similarly, when we feel restless from sitting on our bums too long we need to be able to get up and walk around. That necessity to move hasn't really gone away, even though we adults like to pretend it has.

Some remedies for the restless:

@Home: Take a run or brisk walk. Exercise diverts your attention away from problems- and boredom- and those endorphins will put you in a better mood to tackle stuff you don't normally enjoy. Bonus: creative juices often flow better when you get your heart rate up.

@Office: Walk around the office or the block, either alone or with an approachable colleague that's ready for some moving around. Even just standing up and stretching gives your mind and body a break.


3. "If Music be the Food of Love Play On!" -Shakespeare



Music's tonal language of swells and cadences can both stimulate your senses and help relax you. Why not utilize it?

@ Home: I replenish my spirit by playing piano. I like the fact that I can get out of my head and into the keys of the piano. Playing allows me to concentrate on building up muscle memory in my hands. When I'm lost in a song I'm focusing solely on the musical language of notes, rhythm, chords and beats (rather than ideas, numbers and information.)

@ Office: Put on earphones and kick back with some jazz or whatever gets you grooving. It can give you a boost of energy or relax your nerves when colleagues or bosses test your patience.

Street Music: Players Welcome

By the way, what if an office had a music room? How awesome would that be?

4. Play With the Rhythms In Your Work

@ Home and @ Office: Think about how to structure your day in a musically dynamic way. My suggestion is to aim for a steady rhythm of work in the morning when the brain is fresh, churning out the assignments that require longer concentration and getting into a flow. Then perhaps switch it up to something slow and melodic in the afternoon, with bursts of hot jazz thrown in to recharge you periodically.
(By the way, yes, you CAN achieve this without a Starbucks Double Espresso Mocha Frappuccino.)

5. And Please, Don't Torture Yourself.

When you feel as if you've hit a wall in terms of idea generation or solving a problem, don't keep trying the same thing over and over, getting the same results each time. (Some say that's the definition of insanity, by the way.) Instead, create a whole new tempo by doing something you never do. Draw a picture of your dog, read some poetry, or heck, WRITE some poetry. Eat your lunch on a park bench, stare out the window at the birds, ride a bike, watch a short film, or, if things get really dicey, go to the zoo on your lunch break and take a closeup of a flamingo. (See stellar example at right.)


Just don't come back to work and waste your entire afternoon sharing your stunning photograph on social media. Or, if you MUST share it, limit it to Instagram. And maybe Facebook. And perhaps Twitter, Phanfare, SnapChat, Google+, LinkedIn, Blogger, Wordpress, Pinterest, Houzz, Flickr, SmugMug, Photobucket, StumbleUpon, Tumblr, and five other social media outlets that will become popular in the time it's taken you to read this post.

Photo credits: wikimedia

Choose Well, Live Well

In my recent post, "Listen Up!", I extolled the benefits of listening to the needs of your mind and body and how that translates to listening better to others' needs.

My sister, Sara Gorman, is a living example of this mindful approach to life.  She was diagnosed several years ago, at age 26, with lupus, an incurable autoimmune disorder.  For the first couple of years her symptoms were especially severe and pain wracked her body daily. However, Sara gradually discovered that by constantly listening to what her body needed, she could greatly reduce Lupus activity.

But she didn't stop there. Sara has been helping other people pay attention to their needs ever since she wrote her book, Despite Lupus: How to Live Well with a Chronic Illness, back in 2009. She speaks to organizations about how to manage chronic illnesses by making healthy (but not always easy) choices in exercise, diet, sleep and stress reduction.

Sara also keeps an ongoing blog that details, in a very positive, energizing way, how she manages to live with Lupus every day. She openly recounts her lessons learned, her ongoing struggles and her successes over the disease. And while I have been faithfully following her blog like a good sister/reader for several years now, she never ceases to amaze me with her insights into what it means to choose well, every single day.

The following post was one of those insights.

Enjoy!
-Katie

Despite Lupus: Choosing Well

Tasting My Own Medicine

Via Creative Commons: Flickr

As I said in my previous post, I have taken the plunge and am giving my first workshop   open to the public called, "Your Hidden Potential: Discover Talents You Never Knew You Had."

I've done other workshops, but not an open one.  And it's a bit scary for me, to tell you the truth. I've performed onstage in front of thousands of people- but always in character.  (The only exception was a cabaret I did for charity, and even though it went smashingly well I was a nervous wreck beforehand!)

But I'm excited.  And I know that I need to venture on to a new stage, excuse the pun. I also know it's time to let everyone know about the talents they don't know about!

(Excuse the plug.)

I will admit that this wasn't my idea.  It was my mentor's idea. When we got together a few months ago we talked yet again about how someday I would do a public workshop.  As in, distant future, when the time was right and I'd know EXACTLY what I would say: 100% crystal clear vision and content.

But that's when he gave me a taste of my own medicine and encouraged me to "just book a date" for a workshop and then commit to doing it.  It didn't matter what the specifics were.  I could figure that out after I'd committed to doing the presentation.

Hmmm.... I raised an eyebrow and scrunched up my nose a bit; I always do that when someone calls me out on something.

That advice did sound familiar... kind of like the suggestions I'd doled out to my clients hundreds of times!  Wasn't I the one always telling people to, "Just go for it!  Take a little step!  You don't have to have every single piece in place before starting the puzzle." (And helloooo?! My very first blog post!)

So how could I argue with my mentor who taught me everything I know about helping people move forward?  And I'm certainly glad he did, once again, push me to move forward. It's why coaches need coaches!

Back to the Medicine Cabinet

Fast forward a couple of months later and I realized I needed yet another dose of my own medicine, since apparently the original dose was wearing off.

This time I was going through a frustrating time business wise (in the form of internet marketing) and said to my husband in despair, "You know, all people seem to want is someone to tweak their resumes or show them how to interview or network.  They don't want someone who can actually help them with what they need FIRST, which is to figure out what exactly they WANT on their resumes or WHO they want to work for or network WITH!!  But, by god, if that's where all the money is, maybe I should just play that game and target the mass market driven by conventional wisdom."

He just looked at me and quietly said, "Have you read your own blog lately?"

Pause.  

(I hate it when he's right. $%@* it!)

"Oh, I know, you're right," I conceded. "And I suppose I should remember the 'create yourself' part."

Then, in order to do some out loud (so I could hear it) affirmation, I said, "I know, deep down, that just because most other career coaches out there (besides my mentor and a handful of others) are banking on the quick fixes a lot of people seek doesn't mean I can't develop an innovative and lucrative coaching business for a niche market.

(And here's where my voice became less timid and more declarative.  It always comes from remembering my great clients who continue to inspire me.)

Besides, the people who choose to work with me tend to be intelligent, thoughtful individuals.  They're intuitive enough to know that the front end of career design- the discovery piece- is just as important as the back end- the interviews, the networking and resumes.  I'm sticking to my mission come hell or high water!"

"There you go," is all he said. And gave me a hug.

(I know, I'm really a lucky lady.)

I felt much better after that.  My medicine tasted surprisingly good.

Workshop, Here I Come!!

Now I'm honestly looking forward to the workshop.  I've come up with a fun program that should be equal parts entertainment and insight. (If you don't think my theatrical background will be shining its way through you'd be mistaken!) Sure, it will be different than most workshops; but then again, Grow Career Coaching marches to its own drummer.

(Like someone else I know, who is going to keep her medicine bottle handy.)

Live in the DC area? Click here for tickets:

http://growcareercoaching.eventbrite.com

The Thief

In the Oscar nominated film, Les Miserables, the amazing Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean laments his cruel and unjust 20 year imprisonment, incurred merely for "stealing a mouthful of bread."

Given that testament, it's a good thing that my dog, Cloey Margaret, doesn't live in 19th century France.  She has stolen enough bread to warrant une guillotine sentence.

It's hard to admit that our lovely Golden (ahem) Angel has literally and figuratively taken the cake one too many times. What was just a once-in-a-while occurrence is now rampant. She's now officially a full blown thief, no doubt about it.

Yes, I'm talking about YOU!

From a loaf of bread to a carton of yogurt to turkey to fruit to butter (as well as the common butter substitute, Smart Balance) Cloey will scarf it down with aplomb. While we try our best to clear the counters as much as possible, life distractions inevitably happen, luring us away from the kitchen midway through making a ham sandwich or, say, Thanksgiving Dinner.  You better believe that The Thief is hanging around, paying close attention to any interruptions.

Besides snatching the unsuspecting muffin from the counter, she also chews toys- seasonal items in particular.  This past Christmas-and I'm not making this up- she plucked Baby Jesus out of the Little People manger scene.  (Fortunately I then plucked it out of her mouth.) Then she moved on to Santa and his hapless reindeer, followed by a futile attempt to gnaw off part of the Easter Bunny, who just happened to be hanging out with the Christmas gang.

How she always managed to select the holiday superstars I'll never know.

Anything made of wood is especially fair game. Lincoln Logs are carefully stored in a sealed container; however, she's pretty much cleared out our entire United States puzzle.  While South Dakota didn't phase me too much, I was almost personally offended when she chewed up my home state of Indiana.

But that's just the mischief happening in the house; she's decided that our yard is fair game as well.  She'll chew several nuggets of pine bark mulch if we're not paying attention, not to mention the kid's multi-hued sidewalk chalk and a ball... or two or three.

Obviously we have realized that enough is enough.  After all, not only is her habit an issue of inconvenience for us, we understand it could be dangerous for her.  While she doesn't swallow most of the stuff she chews, what if she accidentally did?  And there's always a chance that she'll get one too many Hershey Kisses when raiding the kid's Halloween bags, or Christmas Stockings, or, coming up right around the corner, Easter Baskets. Therefore we must now acknowledge, much to our dismay, that Cloey Margaret is not quite as perfect as we'd made her out to be in our minds.

However, before reaching this conclusion, I'll admit that I'd gone through every plausible excuse for these chewing fests. For a while there I fancied myself as some sort of animal behavioralist/detective (think The Dog Whisperer meets Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) trying to solve The Baffling Case of the Perpetual Munchies.

My first hunch involved a hunger or nutritional issue.  As in, are we not feeding her enough?  Our veterinarian- who also happens to be a trusted friend and seasoned doctor- said that no, she is getting just the right amount of the right kind of food. Then I thought, well, maybe she's not getting enough exercise and she's just bored. However, sure enough, I noticed that she stole food and chewed up random things even after coming back from long walks or playing in the yard.

Then at one point I postulated that perhaps she chews toys, for example, when we're all having fun and she isn't getting enough attention.  But that theory proved a bust when I discovered that she was chewing a toy car in her mouth while I was petting her. Her bone lay there just a few feet away, untouched, while she surreptitiously crushed the jeep into scrap metal.

Cloey, shown here making some good chewing choices

I kept coming up with more reasons as to why my precious lamb was eating, chewing and scarfing her way through our house with increasing gusto.  Separation anxiety? Dominance issues?  Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Some disease of the neurological-hormonal-hematological-vascular nature? Her doctor refuted all of my stellar theories, saying that no, she is a Golden Retriever who loves to eat and chew and is tall enough to get what she wants, which is food from the counter. She also pointed out that Cloey's definition of "food source" seems to be broader than ours.  (Picky humans!)

Now, I would be kidding myself if I didn't factor in the sucker piece of all of this thievery business: Cloey knows she has us wrapped around all four of her paws. It's as if she feels she had passed the probationary period of her adoption and now she can eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants, knowing she is here to stay. And that assumption, of course, would be correct; our adorable, furry baby is going nowhere except in her crate: a nice, big, comfy cozy "home." We've concluded this will happen when we're away from the house for a little while or away from the kitchen or whenever we decide that she needs a little break from the chewing action. And who knows, she'll probably like that anyway, having boundaries and restraints and all.

(That's about as "pack leader" as I think I can get.)

The reason I am disclosing the shenanigans of our resident thief is this: sometimes an excuse is just an excuse. We can spend many an hour constructing elaborate excuses about a person or job situation or a beloved pet; however, most of the time we're spending lots of energy masking that big old reality that needs to be accepted.

In this case, we've had to accept that not only do we have a wonderful and loving Golden Retriever who is not as flawless as we'd once thought, but also one that has the oral fixation of a goat.  And if you had a goat, you certainly wouldn't let it roam freely in your home when you are gone now, would you? Time to accept this fact and move on, I'm guessing.

We can all stand to question relationships and job environments or anything that seems to keep us in a rut. The more we deny, ignore or excuse a problem the more destructive it's going to get.  And yet we tend to spend more time rationalizing behavior rather than doing the necessary steps to prevent it.

Conversely, when we modify or abandon a destructive relationship or stand up to the critical issues at hand, we empower ourselves to move forward instead of backward. And sometimes just the acknowledgement alone can be half the battle, followed by some boundary-setting.

So here's my question of the day:

If you took away the notion that something- or someone- isn't as perfect as you'd once imagined, what would change? Could you move forward? 

I'm guessing you could. 

And I'm personally crossing my fingers that we can put a stop to Cloey's shenanigans before Cesar Millan gets our number... and puts us all in la guillotine.

For the Love of Frozen Peas and Meat Loaf: Establishing Boundaries

"... I would do anything for love, 

but I won't do that.  

I won't do that."

-from Meat Loaf's "Bat Out of Hell II" album

I don't believe Mr. Loaf was singing about boundaries per se, but for some reason that refrain comes to mind whenever I'm setting limits for myself.  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps it's because I'm of the lucky generation who has many an early 90's song burned into her memory. (Thanks, Madonna!) Or maybe it's because a little ditty helps me cope with such daunting tasks as setting personal boundaries with others.

I'm certain I'm not alone in this dilemma; the lion's share of the human population has a tough time setting boundaries. Just look at all the trouble we get ourselves in! If only we had one of those plastic bars from the grocery store conveyor belt to establish our boundaries for us. No words needed.  No arguing, no negotiating, no manipulation or sneaky infiltration. Just slap that puppy down and everyone knows where we stand.

But alas, such is not the case, and frozen peas will remain a more protected class than human beings.

I'm sure most of you have dealt at one point or another with a harmful person- whether it be a family member or coworker- that seemingly brings you nothing but pain and angst.  In fact, Julia Cameron, in her seminal book, The Artist's Way, calls these people "crazymakers."  Aptly put, in my opinion, since these individuals drive you crazy to the point you lose sight of who you are and what you stand for.  They may even make you physically ill, at which point you begin to realize, while watching television reruns from your hospital bed, "Hey, wait a minute! I think this person is taking over my life!"

Then you end up spending ridiculous amounts of time and energy trying to undo all of the damage this person has inflicted on you and your environment. The next time, you vow, you'll preempt this turmoil from happening by nipping it in the bud early on. 

But how? What can you do about setting boundaries for yourself without having to inconspicuously sneak a grocery divider past the cashier?  

A pain-free method involves doing some mental legwork ahead of time, before anyone has the chance to encroach on your personal territory.  Maria Hill writes an insightful article on Life Hack about setting boundaries.  She says that you need to "come to terms" with what is important to you- as opposed to ignoring your needs- which way too many of us are guilty of doing.  

Hill suggests mapping out what your needs are and asking yourself the following:

• What are my most important values? Being clear about your values helps you identify good compromises. Values are the core of your boundary strategy and what you most need to honor.

• What are my most important priorities? It is easier to say yes or no, when you are honoring your most important priorities.

• What is non-negotiable for me? Non-negotiable items are related to your values or conditions in your life like your health. It could be family time, diet requirements particularly if you are ill, or values related to doing harm to yourself or others.

• What can I be somewhat flexible about? Scheduling issues typically fall in this category. An example: “I can work between 7AM-6PM but have to leave no later than 6PM to pick up my children.”

• What can I always be flexible about? The answer could include family emergencies, activities that are important to a family member, where I jog, and where I live.

• How do I typically handle trade-offs? Do they usually work for me or not? There is nothing wrong with making sacrifices, but if they are too frequent they can leave you feeling resentful.

Identifying these needs, Ms. Hill says, "keeps you from making commitments in a soft moment when your time will not really allow it, causing you to neglect a more important priority."*

Ring any bells?  I believe I hear some chiming faintly in the distance...

At work, even the most well-meaning bosses, employees and colleagues can infringe on your boundaries, so it's up to you to let them know where you draw the line.  If you don't tell them, how will they ever know?  Their parameters are, after all, different than yours. As long as you stick to reasonable, necessary limitations, and give others the respect they deserve, you have every right to articulate what you will and will not do. 

The same is true on the domestic front- both at home and in your personal life- where needs run high and manipulation often runs rampant. (Just talk to any kid for more than a minute and you'll see what I'm talking about.) Playing the role of dutiful family member may at times polarize your thoughts and emotions: one side is desperate to make sure your family members know that you love them and care about them, while the other side screams, "Can I just get something *^;%#@ accomplished?!"

Note: I'm sure that at least a million parents worldwide have spoken these words- albeit in many different languages- in the last 24 hours.

Self-affirmed boundaries are just as contagious, if not more, than a crazymaker's havoc.  When you thoughtfully articulate your boundaries, others will eventually begin thinking about their own needs and limitations. You may even get the healthy ball rolling within your circle of friends, family and colleagues. Leading by example, you show them that you deserve to have personal space and time and so do they. After all, in order to create your life, your career and yourself, you need to clarify what you are willing to do and what you'll avoid like the plague.

However, don't worry if you forget once in a while and cave in to someone's unreasonable demands or Oscar-worthy drama. You'll get back on track as soon as you visit the supermarket and watch the almost miraculous way of the grocery dividers.  As Jerry Seinfeld most thoughtfully quipped:

"It's very important, the rubber stick.  I don't want other people's items fraternizing with my carefully selected items."  

And neither should the rest of us.

*From Life Hack by Maria Hill. Be sure to read the rest of Ms. Hill's article, where you'll learn about developing, executing, and strategizing your plans for establishing boundaries. Furthermore, if you'd like more in-depth reading on this multi-layered, much-chagrined subject, she recommends the following two books:

1. Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and
2. Boundaries Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries by Anne Katherine, M.A.