Create Your Space: Cloey Style!

For this edition of "Create Your Space," my dog, Cloey Margaret, will share her wisdom.

That's me and my lovely design

Ever wanted a space to call your own? 
With your own personal touch?
As my mom always says, it's important to celebrate your individuality.Your space should reflect YOU, so make it your own!

Here's what you'll need to get started:

1) A sign.
My human sister made mine for me, since I can't write. I thought it was pretty good.

My Sign

2) A corner of the house.  The kitchen is a good place, as there are many design tools in the kitchen, such as food and paper products.

Me looking for more design tools

3) Pops of Color:

*One bag of lettuce
*One head of lettuce 

*One small pumpkin, preferably freshly plucked from your local pumpkin patch.

4) The Neutrals:

*One old bone
*A couple of napkins
*One loaf of expensive, organic, 12 grain bread

The Design Process

Once you have your sign and your corner, it's time to make you mark!

Step 1: Forage for the above materials.

Cruise the counters. Check the kitchen sink if necessary.  This is where I discovered a treasure trove of items, such as those listed above. (Mom didn't think I'd get stuff in the sink! Ha ha!)

If you are too short to reach counters and sinks, I suggest you hire a Great Dane.

Step 2: Color me beautiful.

First off is the head of lettuce. Once you've shredded it sufficiently, make sure it's strewn all over. 

Caught in the Act! 
Me With the Head of Lettuce

Now for the bag of lettuce. This one's a bit trickier for those of us not sporting opposable thumbs. So open it with your fangs and shake it like you mean it!!!

Greens are all the rage in decorating right now, so go wild with them. But please, spare the label on the bag if at all possible, as you never know if they'll be a product placement opportunity that comes along. (I'm hoping the magazine, "Dog Fancy," will be contacting me soon.)

And oh, that cute little pumpkin. Such adorable, orangey goodness!!
The color orange, which I'm not sure I can see anyway, is the final bright hue to incorporate. Make sure it gets adequately annihilated and balanced among the green.

Mmmm...those pumpkin seeds are good eatin'!

Step 3: But don't forget the neutrals!

Napkins can basically serve as confetti. Shred and sprinkle them accordingly.

A bone anchors the vignette with some weight, and gives an appearance that you do indeed gnaw on it from time to time, as opposed to those other things you shouldn't. Which reminds me...

The loaf of bread: be free with your beige carbohydrate of choice and begin chewing indiscriminately. Please note that the entire loaf might get consumed during the design process, and that's okay. Designers need nourishment while they work.

Step 4: Achieving the "Rampage Look" 

Please ensure you do lots of frenetic tearing, shredding and spewing. You want your onlookers to know that you are an edgy designer, one who isn't afraid of not only pilfering a few odds and ends to achieve the look you desire, but also one who doesn't mind getting down and dirty with design.

And it can indicate you're a just a tad irked that they left you at home.

Step 5: Weathering the "What the ;*@# did you do, Cloey?!!!!" reaction to your masterpiece.

Give your best "I am sooo sssorrrryyyy!!!! it will never ever happen again!!!!" look.

Can you feel my remorse? It's palpable...

And just remember two things:

Great artists are always misunderstood during their lifetime 

and

That loaf of bread will always be worth it.

A Fun "To Do" This Week

Rediscover the curiosity of your childhood by asking yourself:

What do I need to learn because it's just too interesting to resist?
What in nature fascinates me?
What behavior just makes me want to stare?
What do I want to touch? Feel? Experience?

Who do I want to play (interact) with the most?
Who or what makes me laugh?

Where do I feel safest?
Where do my ideas come from?

How can I experiment?
How can I make something beautiful? Useful? Funny? Scary? Colorful?



And most importantly, don't be afraid to keep asking yourself and others,

 "Why?"

Designing Gardens and Ditching Grievances

Not our yard, yet.

My husband and I recently hired a landscape architect to help us with our front yard, as landscaping is definitely outside (excuse the pun) our realm of expertise. We decided that, by hiring an expert, we'd end up saving money in the end because we'd avoid making a string of expensive errors in our planting efforts. As I've mentioned before, I've come to realize that small, DIY mishaps add up to much more than the relatively meager fee of hiring an experienced designer in the beginning.

Unfortunately, not our piece of cake

So, since we'd worked with an interior designer several years ago, I assumed this exterior design process would be a piece of cake for my husband and I to tackle. After all, most decisions regarding home design had been left to me, as my better half never really had an opinion about anything decorative- save for the color of his office walls.

In other words, I'd been blessed with carte blanche and all was dandy.

Until now.

The Mister, it turns out, does indeed want to have a say about what the yard looks like. (I know! A man, wanting to be in charge of his lawn?  Who knew?)

I first smelled trouble brewing when I began showing him landscape design photos. Suddenly all of these opinions began to surface, like:

"No, no, no, no... All of these houses have flagstone! I don't like flagstone. You have to live in a mansion to make that work."

and

"I can't stand topiaries. They look like Poodles."

Hmmm.... This was going to be a bit harder than I'd thought.

???

A Democratic Union, I Presume

As you are aware, I'm always touting the importance of appreciating multiple perspectives in my blog and work, so I'd hate to be hypocritical and dismiss my beloved's paving preferences. Therefore, in true democratic form, I scoured the internet and photographed neighbors' yards for inspirational designs that suited both of our tastes.

Unfortunately, the morning the landscape architect was scheduled to come for our initial consultation my husband and I remained at a standstill, and neither of us were budging. (In case you haven't noticed, there's a lot of that going on around here in Washington, D.C..)

The bottom line was this: although I did like the look of topiaries, I could certainly live without them; however, I really did like flagstone, and I felt as if someone- I won't name names- could at least entertain that possibility and give in a little too. And when that didn't happen, I began throwing out my own opinions, like:

"WHO doesn't like flagstone?  It's flat! It's gray! It's a stone! What's not to like?!"

So here we were, at odds about rocks.

Unfortunately, Not our walkway-yet.

Cue the designer, breezing up our front walkway. As soon as I saw her I came flying out the front door, open laptop in hand, all in a dither. Confusing exasperation with excitement, she exclaimed, "Well! I see you are ready to go!" And that's when I breathed out, unleashing a torrent of grumblings about how my other half was hellbent against flagstone.

Cue my husband, who tromped out too, expecting, like me, that our expert landscaper would settle the matter right then and there.

Much to our surprise, our skillful designer did nothing of the sort. Instead she simply responded, "Well, we really don't need to worry about the materials we are going to use until we get the design in place. Whether to use flagstone is really a question that we're a long way away from asking."

Oh... right.

Well, that put an end to that. (Maybe she should go to Capitol Hill and work her magic there too.)

First Things First

Of all people, I really should have known better. How many times had I delivered the same kind of message to my eager and sometimes panic-stricken career clients about designing what you need to have in a career, and then thinking about the how. (Will I need grad school? To change cities? OMG!!)  Yet, here I was, making a flagrant design error myself: I was putting the cart before the horse, trying to implement what we hadn't even yet designed!

But this incident reminded me of what we all do, which is this: we concern ourselves first with what's most visible (read: public), difficult and fraught with emotion, without first taking inventory of all of those necessary but less visible considerations.  Like worrying about flagstone walkways instead of crucial details such growing zones, space constraints, hours of sunlight, and soil content. In certain cases even budget talks (how's that for emotionally charged?) can take a backseat until that first design draft is complete. Then the line item choices can be decided.

When it comes to the career decision process, most of us focus on those things which are most tangible and visible, such as perfecting our resumes and aiming for hefty salaries and fancy job titles. But this is actually backward, because we first have to take into consideration the less visible, but foundational parts of career choice, such as abilities, interests, priorities and The Big One: what duties the career mainly entails.  Otherwise, we make poor and costly decisions by using inadequate information.

Exceptional design begins by gathering data, answering the who, what, where, when and why of the problem at hand.  Then comes the solution building, which incorporates all of the vital pieces of information now at hand.

Parameters? Check.
Specs? Check.
Priorities? Triple check.

Then it's time to determine how you are going to implement this great new design.

Hungry yet?

Your Big Decisions? Piece of Cake!

So, when you find yourself worrying about a big decision, ask yourself this:

Are you putting the cart before the horse?  Are you essentially worrying about something too far down the road, such as how you are going to ice the cake without knowing what kind of cake you want to make in the first place?

Or, in our case, are you arguing about flagstone when it may not be relevant in the end anyway? If so, take a step back. Determine, objectively, if you have the information you need. Most importantly, get the help of a good designer. Because chances are, a great design will also provide you with the how.

Introvert? Extrovert? Where Do YOU Fall on the Spectrum?

Interesting exploration of the "where do you get your energy?" question.

Enjoy!
-Katie

http://www.fastcompany.com/3016031/leadership-now/are-you-an-introvert-or-an-extrovert-and-what-it-means-for-your-career?partner=newsletter

49 1/2 Shades of Passion

Admit it.  You just keep coming back for the pictures.

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In my last post, I came to the defense of passion, since it seems to have taken a major beating in the media during the past few months.

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In this last post I also pointed out that people look at following passion from different vantage points.

Some individuals are drawn to passion when talking about their careers- or potential careers- while others find the word about as useful as standing around watching two monkeys hug one another.

(Note: I suppose some people might have a passion for watching monkeys hug one another, but that's a different blog post all together.)

It is with these dual perspectives in mind that I began looking at the various approaches to passion from our headline grabbing writers, Aspen Institute founder and biographer Walter Isaacson, Linked-In CEO Reid Hoffman and professor/author Cal Newport.  From their writings and public commentary we can see how they have painted the word "passion":

Walter Isaacson: Self-Centered Passion

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In a recent article, Mr. Isaacson spoke with the Huffington Post about the Aspen Institute's new focus on encouraging youth to serve America after graduation.  He discusses the importance of doing something larger than yourself, which can be reached by doing some kind of service corps right out of college or high school. It might be a medical corps or teaching corps or the military- anything that serves other individuals.

It is in this context that he relates a conversation with Steve Jobs about following ones passion:

"We talked about the fact that it isn't just about your damn passion-- it's about doing something larger than yourself. It's about serving this world, helping others.  So if you have a whole generation of people [who've been told, 'Oh, just follow your passion,' they're going to forget that there's some purpose in life."

mathrubhumi.com

The philosophy of looking at something greater than yourself is spot on and is a very integral part of the career design method that I use with my clients. However, the above statement presumes that discovering yourself and following your interests and abilities is mutually exclusive of helping others or being practical.

I contend it can be both. Many people view the word and their passion not only as an expression of themselves but also as an expression of what they can offer to others. In fact, most of my clients come to me asking the quintessential question, "How can I best help others using my passions and talents?"

By first asking this powerful question, clients are better able to reach the goal that Isaacson says we need to reach: meeting the needs of others.

Reid Hoffman: Passion Poppycock

passionate about this poppycock
dominic coulter

Hoffman seems to view following one's passion as a lofty, end-gaining, unrealistic career vision that will quickly become obsolete with our ever-fluctuating times. He alternately uses the more objective, dispassionate phrase, "flexibly consistent framework" to describe how we need to pursue careers.

While his point about fluidity certainly makes sense, I believe Hoffman's advice is best taken by first asking yourself, "What interests and abilities (and even passions!) are going to help me build a solid foundation upon which to build my framework?" Far from the vague and lofty question Hoffman rails against, this type of question is razor sharp.

Answering this potent question gives you self-confidence and a solid knowledge base from which you can adapt and thrive in ever-shifting work environments. It allows you to manage setbacks more efficiently and determine how you can best help in your profession. Moreover, you are then able to adjust your career goals as your passions, interests and needs change. 

Cal Newport: Plain Ole Vanilla Passion Doesn't Cut It

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In the same vein, Mr. Newport seems to suggest that conventional wisdom's version of "passion" equates to a pre-conceived fantasy, lacking authenticity until cultivated for several years.  He instead uses objective terms such as "deliberate practice" and "unifying mission" to tell us how to get to valuable, satisfying work, or "Passion 2.0."

Newport's method definitely has merit; however, it works best when a person first takes the time to ask themselves, "What do I need to deliberately practice, cultivate and care about in order to develop a unifying mission?" Even Newport himself, on his blog, Study Hacks, reveals in his bio that he has a need to "decode" (great verb, by the way!) overly simplistic conventions for success such as "follow your passion." Rather, he says he "dive[s] deeper, looking to decode underlying patterns of success, in all their nuanced glory."

"To nuzzle" is a good verb, don't you think?
coolpicturegallery.us

(That has to be one of my favorite bio's, by the way.)

We all have pre-existing passions, fascinations and/or proclivities, no matter what you want to call them. Everyone has something-a function, let's call it- that they feel a relentless need to do, like "decode" or "guide" or "illustrate." These are functions that energize us and often make us lose track of time. 

Of course, the way in which we express these needs will change over time.  We may lose interest in a subject area or we may find that we evolve out of performing our once-loved function into a more nuanced version.  Likewise, we may move into other roles that have lain dormant for a good while.

However, the essence of who we are, what we're naturally good at and therefore drawn to doesn't change. Good career guidance translates the need to do x or y or z into a sustainable career. It also provides the language and insight to help people articulate what they need to have in a career and why, before they determine how to get there. It gets you in the right field before you embark on the journey.

Which leads me to the conclusion of my series on passion:

Get in Your Game: Passion-filled or Otherwise


No matter how you view "passion", all of these methods work best once you figure out your foundation and what careers are in your playing field.

And when I hear my clients talk about wanting to follow their passion, I'm really hearing them say that they have a yearning that needs to be met, even though they can't quite articulate what that need or urge is yet.  

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Through career coaching, individuals eventually discover that this "passion" is actually something they are driven to do because of their natural talents and interests, so that's when they have to ask themselves the razor sharp, function-oriented questions that I detailed above.

The answers are complex and will evolve mostly with the trial and error knowledge that comes with going out and experiencing the world.  But that experience will be most efficient and useful if, once again, you have a solid sense of yourself and your general field of ability and potential expertise.

So honor your passion, if that's what you want to call it, discover your talents, find your playing field, and then...

PLAY BALL!

My Defense of Passion: Keep the Baby! (And Throw Out the Bathwater)

A Very Cute Baby, If I Do Say

The backlash against the simple mantra, "follow your passion" raises some very important concerns, as I detailed in my last post.  Cal Newport, Walter Isaacson and Reid Hoffman all point out that the phrase is not only idealistic and over-simplified, but also misleading in it's expectations of young people embarking on new careers.

However, I'd hate to think that, due to the onslaught of equally simplistic headlines to the tune of "Don't Follow Your Passion!" we would throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak, and forget the passion piece entirely.

(Because how can you throw out that sweet little angel baby above?  The cheeks alone are priceless!)

The media has certainly been trying to do just that, jumping into the "don't follow your passion" fray with typical gusto. The Huffington Post, for example, in a recent article titled, "Warren Buffet's Predictable Career Advice: Follow Your Passion," criticized the billionaire mogul when he told Forbes Magazine,

"I always tell college students to take the job that you would take if you were independently wealthy. You're going to do well at it."

Hmmm.... call me crazy, but that seems like sound career advice to me! And why not follow the wisdom of an 82 year old man who is one of the best investors and philanthropists in the world? Especially since he also speaks from experience, as someone who pursued his passion for finance from an early age.

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With all of this bad press, someone needs to come to passion's defense, don't you think?  And I suppose I'm the perfect person for the job, since I've been on both sides of the "follow your passion" fence.

I spent many years confused and frustrated because I couldn't figure out what passion to focus on in order to make a contribution.  That was very real to me, that hole I felt in my life. My identity and self-worth withered away while I struggled to find a direction to pursue. Had I read Newport's book during that period of time I would've hurled it out the window in frustration, yelling, "How can I use the 'craftsmen approach' when I know WHAT CRAFT to hone?!!"

Which is one of the many reasons why I contend that finding one's career passion- or passions, as the case may be- is one of those values that deserves preserving.

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Throw Out the Idealism, Keep the Introspection

These days, in today's shaky economic climate, the notion of allowing yourself some introspective time to discover your interests and then plan a corresponding course of action is a tough sell.

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(Trust me, I know. I have to sell it every day.)

Many in the older generations- especially parents who were looking forward to empty nests versus ones filled with little birdies coming back to roost (indefinitely)- tend to applaud the "forget about your passion" slogans.  They may, understandably, find it an answer to the current unemployment rate- currently nearing 12%- of the Millennial Generation.

In other words, "Forget about your what your so-called "calling" is and just get a #*@#$ job!"

However, if young people don't take any time to determine what motivates and fascinates them, they are going to end up like so many of my clients in their late 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's, who seek my help because they skipped on the introspection entirely and determined their careers by looking at the so-called "practical" elements: good money, industry outlook (think of any "Fastest Growing Careers!" article,) and perceived stability.

Trying to be practical, these individuals (yours truly included) ignored their passions and interests entirely, went for the quickest and "surest" bet they could find, and in turn found themselves unhappy or maybe even unemployed several months or years or even decades later. This is because they were unable to compete with colleagues who were a better fit for- and more interested in- their work.

What's more, after six months, or five years, or even 25 years (and perhaps thousands of dollars in student loans) the only thing they figured out was what doesn't suit them, rather than what does.

How practical is that?

I'm feeling quite passionate about this pie, actually.

I'll Take a Slice of Passion with a Side of Reality, Please...

So here are two main insights that I believe we can gain from this "Do-vs.-Don't-Follow-Your-Passion" career debate and still keep the passion portion in tact.

1. False Expectations are Bad Enough, but NO Expectations are Worse.

We need to prepare graduates for the fact that a career is not going to be fulfilling and chock full of passion right from the beginning.  Young career starters can't expect fulfillment to come without putting in ample time and hard work, as Newport shows us in his many examples.
He emphasizes the fairly common knowledge among seasoned professionals that the more effort we put into a career the more we will reap the rewards that come with those efforts.

But I believe there's an important distinction to be made between working hard at just any job versus one that's in our general field of interest and abilities. These elements give us the motivation day in and day out, and the competitive edge we need to succeed.

And that's one of the main problems we see in the workforce today: many people have no idea what to expect from themselves or their career, mainly because they have no idea what career field they should even be playing in. Will they really benefit from working hard to build what Newport calls "career capital" over the years if they're in the wrong field altogether?

In my experience, both personally and in working with clients, the answer is a resounding "no."

They will most likely gain nothing other than the presumed monetary rewards and increased responsibility, both of which will be short-lived if they don't excel at their job. Most importantly, even if those extrinsic rewards come about, that typically isn't enough to sustain them.

Bottom Line: Figure out your playing field, then get in the game, even it means you have to start by warming up the bench. Knowing you're in the right field motivates you to work hard, play hard and win.

2.  Houston: We Have a Word Problem

Photo credit: NASA

Another point Newport, Isaacson and Hoffman inadvertently bring up is a semantics problem that no one seems to include in the public discourse, and that is: we all view "passion" in a different way.

(Remember, we're talking about careers here, My Friend, so let's not allow our imaginations to get crazy!)

For some people, a passion drives them to make a difference in the world.  It's intense, and visceral, meaningful and, ultimately, personal. Most of my clients, for instance, use the term in describing their motivation to work hard, as do I.

(Heck, they may even throw around romantic terms such as "purpose" and "calling" in there too! Talk about craaaazzy!)

But some people don't relate to the word in the least.  It's way too touchy feely and dramatic for them and doesn't aptly describe how they see their work- no matter how much they enjoy it.

Take my sister, for example.  She is an advocate, gifted author and blogger for lupus awareness as well as an inventor of products that help people with chronic illnesses.  She motivates hundreds of people every day to keep going despite Lupus and their many other setbacks. (Can you tell I'm a proud sister?!)

But she never EVER uses the word "passion" to describe what she does for a living. That term is just not part of her vocabulary, being more of the Thinking than the Feeling Type.

While my sister is a fairly open-minded individual and can respect the passion other people feel  for their work, other individuals are a bit more, well, perplexed by the whole prospect. These are the people who tend to hear "follow your passion" and equate it with pure, unadulterated idealism.

"I love you, even though you're an ... well, you know."

Tell them that you're toying with the idea of following your passion and they'll assume you're going to:

1. Quit your job
2. Join an artist's commune in Oregon and
3. Prolifically engage in smoking a substance that, until November, was illegal in all 50 States.

(Oh, and clothing is probably optional at this freewheeling commune of yours.)

So, given these different perspectives, how do our headline-grabbing authors view passion?

Stay tuned until next time, when I shall reveal all in my concluding post, "49 1/2 Shades of Passion."

(I know, who writes these headlines??!)

Passion: A Dirty Word?

Here in the career community, "passion" seems to be the contentious word of 2012.  And I'm as much to blame as the next guy, as my two last blog posts revolved around the "P" word.

However, just to set the record straight, I'm not speaking of "passion" in the, ummm, carnal sense, because, as you know, it's not that kind of blog.  However, just because I'm in a generous mood, I've drummed up a few images of that passion, sprinkling them throughout this post for your viewing pleasure.

You may thank me later.

The Debate

As I was saying, the passion-in-your-career debate has been creeping into every nook and cranny of the press.  As with most of today's conversations that get a lot of attention, major boxing matches are springing up, pitting pithy little slogans against one another. Lest you feel left out of the loop, I'll fill you in on this debate:

In one corner of the ring we find the long time defending champion,

"Follow Your Passion." 

And in the other corner we have a new contender coming into the fight, one that basically says:

fPat

"It's Not About Your Passion!"

Those slogans, they're rich little suckers, aren't they?

After reading much of this passion debate from various media sources, I decided to break down the dichotomous sound bytes into much more nuanced components (a sort of 49 1/2 Shades of Gray, if you will) which I shall share with you now.

Once again, you may thank me later.

Overlooking Passion: Contender Number One

Since I'm sure you've been listening to the whole "Follow Your Passion" mantra over the last decade, I'll focus in on the newest contenders, currently being led in the media by author, Millennial and Georgetown University Assistant Professor of Computer Science (I know: ??!), Cal Newport.

"If you really loved me you'd share your hay with me."-Flickr

I've read many an article lately that address Newport's popular new career book, So Good They Can't Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love. The book's main title is a quote from one of my favorite comedians and writers, Steve Martin.  (Mr. Newport gets a big point for that one.) Newport wraps his argument around the comments Martin made to Charlie Rose in a 2007 interview.

In this interview Martin recounts his struggle for over ten years, battling rejection, failures, anxiety, low pay, lack of feedback, painfully slow professional progress and isolation.  But during these difficult years Martin managed to hone his craft to the point that his performance was not only superb, but so unique that the public and show business execs couldn't help but notice him. Mr. Martin lived up to his own words, "Be so good they can't ignore you." Furthermore, this mastery led to the enjoyment of his career, entailing constant work, getting an impressive following and earning hefty paychecks.

Newport labels this slow and deliberate method of developing ones career, "The Craftsman Approach." This method serves as a sort of antidote to the entitlement mindset that he feels has saturated his young generation. In Newport's opinion, years of being spoon fed "follow your passion" has given young people false career expectations. They assume they'll love their career from the onset, and that work will feel purely rewarding from day one. This is idealistic, he says, because of the realities of the workplace:

"Most jobs don't offer their employees great autonomy and the ability to make a big impact. If you're a recent college graduate in an entry-level job, you're much more likely to hear 'go change the water cooler' than you are 'go change the world.'"

Furthermore, Mr. Newport contends that a passion- the correct version of which he dubs "Passion 2.0"- will evolve gradually, once you build up skills and therefore gain workplace value. He contends that searching for some pre-existing passion out there only leads to unrealistic expectations, anxiety and chronic job hopping. (As in, "I won't stop until I find my perfect career and passion!") Moreover, lots of introspection can be harmful and a waste of time for young people in the beginning stages of their career search.

Some decent points made, no?

Contender Numero Dos

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Joining the fight against the conventional passion slogan- in a brief but widely circulated way- is Walter Isaacson, the influential thought leader, head of the Aspen Institute and author of the best-selling biography of all times,  Steve Jobs.  Mr. Isaacson too has some strong words  to say about the slogan. In response to the self-centered mindset he believes the "follow your passion" mantra perpetuates, he stresses the importance of going after something greater than yourself and your passion; most notably, the value of contributing to society.

Hard to argue with that notion, right?

Third Times a Charm

The last contender I'll mention is LinkedIn CEO, Reid Hoffman, who, in his new book, The Startup of You: Adapt to the Future, Invest in Yourself, Transform Your Career, advises that a person should adopt a "flexibly persistent framework" in his or her career planning.  He finds outdated the advice of both Richard Bolles (What Color is Your Parachute?) and Stephen Covey (The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.) in that both authors propose the philosophy of "begin with the end in mind." This mindset, Hoffman points out, is too fixed and predeterminate for constantly changing times such as ours.

He says that trying to answer "lofty questions about identity and moral purpose, along with deceptively simple ones like 'What am I passionate about?'" is futile, since the answers to questions such as these are always fluid, always evolving.

So, as you can see, the plot against passion thickens....

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And just to keep you wanting more, (this is 49 1/2 Shades of Gray, after all) this post will be continued. So stay tuned for next time, when I'll come to the defense of passion.

'Cause somebody has to.

Bliss

Pure bliss, according to my sweet girl, Cloey, is feeling the wind on her face.  This experience can either be had standing on a hilltop, nose to the breeze, as shown above, or in the backseat of a car.  Really, there is little difference in her mind.  The breeze is key.

As for me, pure bliss doesn't seem to come as simply.  A lot of stuff seems to get in the way.  So I have to work at achieving that state of simple joy.

For instance, I find that my mind goes a little nuts during the "free time" I catch every once in a while.  It comes as a bit of a shock to my system and thus my brain goes haywire with ideas.  This happens during vacation or, most recently, on Mother's Day.  My mind did an Olympics-worthy performance of backflips and somersaults when my husband told me I could take the afternoon to do

whatever I wanted.

Woo hoo!  Several hours at a time! Uninterrupted!  Just think of the possibilities!


Do I write? read? nap? paint? walk? run? organize? garden? eat ice cream? rearrange furniture? look at decorating magazines?  shoot some pictures? listen to music? do yoga? meditate? go shopping? play with Cloey? 


(That last bit was Cloey trying to interject herself into my stream of consciousness by radiating cuteness.) 

As my mind was going a mile a minute trying to envision the perfect, most pleasurable use of free time, I began to feel the opposite of joy. I felt anxiety creeping in as my mind became overwhelmed with options.  I then realized that perhaps some meditation would be a good choice.  Or, at the very least, I could just take a minute to ask myself the most important question of all:

What would make me feel really satisfied once I'm done?

I could answer that question easily: gardening.

I realized that I needed to physically work hard and clear my mind and my yard of overgrowth.  It was time to prune back and weed out the bad stuff.  Of course, I had to dress the part of the weekend warrior, so I selected my faded 1980's Esprit de Corps tank top and some black nylon shorts.  Bad to the bone, I was.

(I know what you're thinking: those items should probably be weeded out of my closet.)

(No comment.)

After two hours of pulling away the miles of ivy that had invaded our home, some neighbors stopped by and asked me why I was working on Mother's Day of all days.

(Or possibly to get a better look at my fashionable getup- I can't be sure.)

I told them, blissfully and with sweat beading on my brow, that I never get the chance to just work on my yard for an extended period of time.  I joyously proclaimed, "I need this!"

As the sun set and the once lively ivy was balled up en masse in my garbage can, I felt great. And my yard looked fantastic too, thanks to the assistance of my powerhouse of a dad who generously came over to help me.  (Another bonus: father- daughter time.)

I really couldn't have had a better day, primarily because I chose one truly satisfying thing that I needed to do that day.

When we ask ourselves what we want, the sky's the limit, especially with the information overload we face 24/7.  I'm the first to admit I'm sometimes guilty of "want" overload. And trying to make a much bigger decision like The Ideal Career can be maddening if you're mainly looking at everything that interests you.  If you are like me and most of my clients, you have lots of interests and wants and things you enjoy doing.  While they're important to pay attention to, they have their limitations.

When you're trying to decide on a career path, go beyond your interests and ask yourself the questions:

What is it that makes me feel really satisfied?
What do I need to do on a weekly basis?
On a daily basis?
When looking at possible meta career goals, which one makes me feel like I'm making a difference with my life?  With my work?  What will sustain me the most?

**************************

But enough of these big ole questions for a lazy Sunday afternoon, says Cloey.

She's decided she's just gonna stick with the breeze thing because it's working for her.


Unless, of course, she wants to

look at guinea pigs.

Or go frolicking in the creek...

What a rough life you have, Miss Cloey Margaret!

I'm beginning to think she makes a career out of enjoying herself.

Shouldn't we all?

Happy Memorial Day Weekend.

Dining Room Etiquette, Little Heinies and Illusional Careers

Telling me never to assume never works, because I will always forget.

via Brian Smithson
(and not our dining room)

Recently, we turned the dining room into my office.  This meant, of course, that we'd not have a dining room in which to eat.  (Logic works that way.)  At first I was fine with that notion, but it became increasingly apparent that eating in the kitchen on our island was not working.  First of all, it felt too crowded, and I noticed that the kids were quickly losing their sense of decorum and propriety while eating.  (Oh wait, that would mean they had some to begin with....  Well, whatever.  That's for another post.)  So this weekend we boldly made our sitting room into our dining room.

We live on the wild side around here...

Norman Rockwell
and not our turkey either

Now for my assumption. I'd naively assumed that once the children were seated at the dining room table for dinner, they'd feel as if they should behave a bit more formally and properly since they were in a more formal and proper setting.  It really made sense to me, as I've been told logic works that way. After all, studies have shown that if you change a person's environment, you may be able to change his or her behavior as well.

Thus Saturday night we all sat down to a wonderfully prepared meal, courtesy of me, of course.  It was all very exciting!  But before we even picked up our forks my three year-old decided to chuck a couple of carrots across the room to the dog.  Which is when I uttered that insanely over-used term, "Really?!"

I was almost too stunned to admonish this absurd behavior. He didn't even do that when we ate in the kitchen! But then the thought occurred to me, why would I be surprised?

After all, this is the same little man that almost- and I repeat, almost- used our newly gifted, crisp white hand towel to wipe his heinie. Thank heavens I stepped in just in the nick of time. ("But we're out of toilet paper, Mama!" was his reasoning.  I then discovered that the toilet paper was all- and I mean all- in the toilet.)

Which is why I now understand the phrase, "Don't eat the daisies;" sometimes you have to anticipate poor judgement no matter what logic dictates. And why we now have a "reasonable amount of toilet paper in the toilet" rule.  And a hand towel-on-heinie prohibition.

Yes I Do Have a Career Point to Make...

I had some serious pie-in-the-sky assumptions in college too.  For example, I imagined certain careers to be the ultimate in life.  Anything in the international arena, diplomacy, law and the like, seemed as if they were my dream jobs.  And why would I assume otherwise?  I'd always heard my family talking about my great grandfather's fascinating career as an Ambassador from Mexico to countries all over the world.  He also founded the Organization of American States, housed in a beautiful and prominent building on Independence Avenue. Moreover my grandfather had a revered international career as well. To a young person, nothing could be more glamorous.

The OAS by Gerry Dincher

And currently, as I work here in the Washington, DC area, I am always amazed at how many "exciting" careers exist here.  Attaches, foreign service officers, politicians, lobbyists on Capitol Hill, diplomats, scholars, policy wonks, FBI, Secret Service, CIA agents, journalists and global leaders alike call Washington, DC their home. (Just to name a few.) For a Political Science and French Major, it could seem a sumptuous feast of vocational paths.

However, I look at those careers completely differently now that I'm older and in the career specialty field.  While those vocations certainly hold a lot of cache and may even make a lot of people extremely satisfied, I realize that, for me, they merely represent once-revered images from my childhood and early adulthood.  When I think of the daily functions that these people perform, I now know that it's not for me.

Oh Paris

That being said, would it be cool to say that I was the Cultural Attache for the French Embassy?  Or perhaps that I was a Foreign Correspondant?  Of course!  But on closer observation it's not really the great match I thought it would be when I was in high school and college.  I'd prefer not to fill my days with those particular functions or the subject area of foreign policy.   I still find the field pretty fascinating, as I did in college, but not to delve into on a daily basis.

For example, when I read many of the journals and blogs of those with Embassy careers I can tell these individuals love their subjects.  In fact, they may love it as much as I love my field of career design.  But I don't regret not going the route I dreamed of in college because sometimes dreams are not as pleasurable in reality as they are in ones mind. Furthermore, there are often careers out there that could be more fulfilling to you than the ones you've fantasized about since you were five.  Sometimes you actually need to get to the essence of why you had that dream in the first place.

Camdiluv ♥

The difference between an image of a career (the respect it garners, the way you think you'd feel in a certain role, and how you've imagined yourself looking in that role) versus a real, living breathing career is this:  the genuine one embraces who you are as a whole, including your strengths and weaknesses.

Of course, sometimes peoples' dream careers and their actual careers are practically one and the same.  We are all too familiar with people who dream of a career as a child of three, find that it's a great fit when they are ten and amass fortune and fame from that career for the rest of their life.  The media loves to splash these individuals' lives in our faces, making the self-directed-amazing-lifetime-career phenomenon seem far more prevalent than it really is.

Obviously, if that perfect dream-it-and-live-happily-ever-after career path happened all the time I would certainly not be in business!  Nor would there be so many people-as much as 70% of the working population- who feel unsatisfied with their work.

So what is the difference between an image and reality?  Well, in the first example we have the idealistic, formal dining room behavior image versus the living, breathing, carrot-chucking behavior.  In terms of career ideation, here's a specific example: I can casually pick up a book about foreign policy, and find it very interesting as a subject, but I lose track of time in a book about human potential.  In fact, I find myself reading psychology-centered and career books for work and for fun.  And I love to talk to people about their potential more than I love to talk to people about foreign policy issues.

Yes, I fill my life with interesting things that don't necessarily relate to my career coaching practice, like singing, painting, theatre, reading fiction, interior design, planning events and taking photographs.  However, I do find that I'm always thinking about peoples' talents and personalities and interests no matter what I am doing.  I suppose that's how I know that discovering new ways to help people is just woven into the fabric of my being.

I must finish with this, however.  My daughter told her dad the other day that when she grows up she wants to help people with their careers.  (That was a first from my seven year-old.  Previously she'd wanted to be a farmer.)  Then she added, "Luckily I have a mom who can tell me if I have the right personality for it."

I have to admit that is pretty cool.