Songs to Live By: "Landslide"

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

-"Landslide", Fleetwood Mac

The Dog Ate My Birthday Cake and Other Tales of Woe

Just when you think ya know a gal...

My precious angel turned against me in what can only be described as a moment of weakness.  Cloey Margaret, my beloved Golden Retriever , decided that she too should eat cake in honor of my recent birthday.  So, the day after I turned 42, Cloey privately celebrated by devouring what was left of my scrumptious vanilla-with-caramel-frosting birthday cake, generously made by my sister. We'd only managed to consume about a quarter of the decadent gateau the night before, so you do the math.

Interestingly, my beloved showed no signs of remorse, nor did her so-called "sensitive" tummy.

Could she actually be... smiling?!

To add to my woes, I've had bronchitis for what's now going on five weeks this summer.  Yes, you heard me correctly, this S-U-M-M-E-R.  Not during the dead of winter, mind you, when these upper respiratory infections run rampant and occur due to "cool, dry uncirculated air" or "kids." But rather, in July and August when it's sunny and humid and warm and full of jolly good romps outdoors in the sprinkler.

To say I'm sick of coughing is an understatement. Moreover, I long for a respite from inhaler puffs and teaspoons of foul tasting cough medicine. I yearn for an end to the back aches, caused by intense hack-a-thons. It's time for it all this bronchial nonsense to END. Yes, E-N-D. My body is tired and sick and sick and tired. I want to be able to just go back to worrying about worrying how I look at the pool. At least I wasn't coughing then.

(It's all relative, isn't it?)

I've asked ... excuse me while I hack up this right lung... okay better ... for some pep talks from family, because I've felt kinda down.  Not only am I not getting enough sleep from coughing, I also don't like questioning if there's an end in sight- although my pep rally peeps assure me there is.  I want to feel good again, and helpful and productive and energetic. I'm sure you can recognize these most basic of needs.

But until I reach the end of the tunnel, I find that just reaching out to people close to me helps me keep my spirits up.  Sharing my frustrations, keeping the whining-about-wheezing to a minimum of course, essentially communicates, "Let me just tell you where I am right now.  Let me tell you how crappy I feel so that you can give me at least one vote of confidence."

My husband, sister and parents are especially good at giving me votes of confidence. They don't even need to provide me with any answers, because an empathetic ear and heartfelt encouragement are really what I'm after.

(Okay, and maybe a hug or two.)

As a bonus they also offer me different perspectives on my seemingly hopeless situation.  For instance, they remind me of when I felt REALLY crappy, as opposed to JUST crappy, which I've needed to be reminded of lately.

Career Woes

Support especially proves essential when it comes to career challenges and lows.  When you have someone in your corner of the proverbial boxing ring, tirelessly cheering for you, it seems that nothing can get in your way, even those setbacks that seem insurmountable.  Outside encouragement wages war against the inner and outer critics trying to sabotage your carefully plodded efforts.  It also helps to calm your fears and put worries in perspective.

The most effective support comes in the form of a system, from sources as varied as the cheerleaders themselves, each of whom possess entirely different strengths. Here are my top five support types - we'll call them, "The Fan Club"- who are integral to your success.

1) The Mentors Although nurturing teachers and professors may certainly fill this role, finding a successful, inspirational professional within your field (or related to it) can enable you to make huge strides. A great mentor (such as mine) gives you immensely useful feedback, playing the role of coach, motivator, and muse. These individuals get what you are trying to do (often times because they've been in your shoes themselves) and want nothing more than to help you succeed.

2) The Collaborators These are the invaluable friends and family who help you in many different ways.  Sometimes they just listen, sometimes they offer suggestions you've never considered.  Some (but not all!) may understand where you'd like to go career-wise and empower you in whatever way they can.

Their help may take the form of assisting you with direct career needs, such as connecting you to their friends in your desired business. Or they may help you with the small business tasks you don't have time to do.  Often times, they can help you out personally by doing favors such as babysitting your kids (or pets!) while you look for a job, grow your business or travel for work. As long as you outwardly appreciate their help and assist them whenever possible, the collaboration runs smoothly.

3) The Constructive Realists These people do a great job of helping you manage your expectations of yourself, reminding you that setting unrealistic goals can mean setting yourself up for failure. Naturally objective types, they point out that certain career expectations have little or no logical basis, such as those statements that have the word "should" in them (as in "I should be employed by now!" or  "I should be making x amount of money at my age.") Constructive Realists are the kind but evenhanded folks that help you separate emotional conjecture from objective analysis.  They may ask you how you're specifically improving your situation but also ask you to ascertain what beyond your control.

4) The Bottom Liners A very integral part of your support system must include, of course, the people that may not be hand holders or fans so to speak, but get you the job or work or connections you seek.  These also tend to be the people that require you to take the initiative and ask for their help. If you don't tell people what you need, what you care about doing and where you are stumbling, they can't help you; it's really pretty simple.

The Bottom Liners can nimbly get to the nuts and bolts of what you are seeking to accomplish. Headhunters, business group members, career coaches*, professional associations and acquaintances may fall into this category.

*Good coaches actually fall under all five of these categories.

5) The Confidence Booster This is my personal favorite and a priceless member of The Fan Club. One of the best cheerleaders out there is a friend and/or family member that simply adores you and everything you do. This is the fan that, without any pretext, gives you a surge of unbridled confidence and self-esteem.  Their encouragement makes you feel like a million bucks. Of course, they are the most subjective of the group, but that can feel quite refreshing compared to the requisite objectivity of the others in your Fan Club. So if you have one of those in your pocket, try to connect with this person regularly.  They'll give you the boost of adrenaline you need to keep going.

My dear grandmother was a first rate Confidence Booster.  She always said the nicest things about whatever I was doing in my life.  I could have been stealing cars and selling them for drug money and she would have said, "Oh, honey.  You SHOULD do that.  You are really good at it." She was my biggest fan and that was gold to me.  Especially since she passed away, I try my best to remember her enthusiasm and think, when I'm a little down on my achievements, "What would Grandma have said to me?" (answer: that "I'm the best career coach in the world!") I also try to be that kind of fan to others, because everyone needs that kind of unabashed, unconditional support from time to time.

Moving On... I Hope

As part of my continued commitment to reaching out to others for support, I ask you to wish me luck in my recovery.

And, just curious, do you think that Cloey's quite possibly paying me back for last Easter's, ahem, incident?

Diamond in the Rough

I just had the privilege of seeing Shawn Colvin perform at The Birchmere.  I thoroughly enjoyed watching a woman who has honed her craft so remarkably over the years, thriving in the music industry for much longer than most performers.

Fortunately, Ms. Colvin has recently released a memoir that is on my list to read.  According to the reviews I've read, she uses the same enjoyable and self-deprecating humor in her writing that she does in her live performances. The book illuminates her life in music, and recounts the joys of meeting her music heros and heroines. It also depicts her trials with clinical depression, alcoholism, broken relationships, and the shock of motherhood. (This last one- let's just say, I get it.)  However, she says that she's now "happy and healthy," a celebration in and of itself, and, in my mind, her most remarkable achievement of all.

Vocalist/Guitarist/Writer


While I could listen to her sing her Grammy Award-winning song, "Sunny Came Home," countless times- and she gave an exquisite performance of it the other night- I do find another one of her songs, "Diamond in the Rough," particularly enchanting.  The song seems exceptionally poignant when one considers Ms. Colvin's tenacity in spite of the adversity I mentioned above.  In fact, I would venture to say that the she has thrived in the music business for so long not only because of her amazing musical talent, but also because she writes from an incredibly honest, vulnerable place; a place many of us like to personally hide from but are just willing enough to relate to.

I feel especially drawn to the "Diamond" lyrics because they shine a light on how difficult it is to keep alive the essence of who we are.  Born as beautiful jewels, we each have so many gifts to offer.  When we're little we have pride in what we do, we feel at home in our fascinations.  We have a certain respect for our needs and wants, even though we are still learning about our boundaries and the boundaries of others.

So where does this confidence and ease start to unravel?  We all have had unkind people and painful experiences in our lives that have helped to squelch our enthusiasm for living genuinely; in some lives, tragically, the experiences are nothing short of unabashed cruelty.  However, much of it, I believe, is also an unfortunate part of growing up and more aware of the world around us. Over the years, we accrue layers of doubts and fears and personal neglect that serve to bury our uniqueness.

In "Diamond in the Rough," Ms. Colvin explores this phenomenon, all the while reminding us that finding those gems, deep down inside, is a feat we all must try to do. Reclaiming our essence, our self-respect and innate worth requires some relearning, some fighting back, and, most importantly, requires tremendous courage.

As an offering of inspiration, I thought I'd share with you the lyrics and video for "Diamond in the Rough. Enjoy!

As a little girl I came down to the water

With a little stone in my hand

It would shimmer and sing

And we knew everything

As a little girl I came down

But in a little while I got steeped in authority

Heaven only knows what went wrong

And there is nothing so cruel

Than to bury that jewel

It was mine all along

I'm gonna find it

You're shining I can see you

You're smiling that's enough

I'm holding on to you

Like a diamond in the rough

Every now and then I can see

That I'm getting somewhere

Where I have to go is so deep

I was angry back then

And you know I still am

I have lost too much sleep

But I'm gonna find it

 You're shining I can see you

You're smiling that's enough

I'm holding on to you

Like a diamond in the rough

Like a diamond in the rough

 Snakes in the grass got to step on the gas

Snakes in the grass got to step on the gas

 In my dreams I go down by the water

With a little girl in my arms
And we shimmer and sing
And we know everything, everything
In my dreams I go down, I go down

Copied from MetroLyrics.com 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDpHggDfxQs

The Distractions of July (and the Other 11 Months Too)

I really love summer.  I love the fresh cut flowers from the garden, the beach trips, the fresh fruit that actually tastes really good, especially when compared to the paltry offerings during the winter.
I can't seem to get anything done with all of these fun things to do, but I like them all the same.

Taking time to capture a butterfly

But then summer starts to get a bit settled in, and I'm reminded of the downsides to summer: the oppressive heat, humidity, mosquitos and, most unfortunate- time at the pool. Because time at the pool means I have to wear a swimsuit.  And wearing a swimsuit... well, God help me.

The Bathing Suit Wars 

I am a competitive sort, and I really don't like losing to others, especially others of admirable sveltitude (not a word, by the way.) However, I've been dealt a crushing blow this summer: in my version of The Bathing Suit Wars, I have lost. For now, anyway.  I know there are always sit-ups, jogging, yoga, cutting back on my calories- really hate this one- and other regimental changes I can certainly implement.  However, the bottom line (pun is intended here) remains: I don't wear swimsuits like I used to, and I hate that fact.

The Former Pant leg Perpetrator

But you know what I hate even more? The fact that I waste an ounce of energy on how I look versus how I feel!  What a pitiful use of time.  It's a pathetic habit I wish I'd been able to drop during my teenage years, yet it still hangs on like a Pit Bull on a pant leg.

(Disclaimer: I can use that expression, my Pit Bull lovers, because I used to have a Pit Bull-mix, who tasted many a pant leg in her lifetime.)

Besides implementing changes I can make and accepting those I cannot, lately I've had to work at banishing the old self talk, especially when I pass by the full length mirror on the way to the pool.  Since I've abandoned my initial plan of stealthily removing that blasted mirror in the middle of the night, I'm reduced to remembering that physical health must trump obsessing over body image.  I fall within normal weight, and I can't complain about not being in shape. So I know I need to dismiss that distraction and focus on something much more productive, like my business, helping people reach their career potential, my family, and challenging myself intellectually.  Those are values that are dear to me, and much more intrinsically important than whether you can bounce a quarter off the abs of the woman next to me in the kiddie pool.

A festive distraction- Fourth of July dessert contest at the pool

Second bottom line: this summer I've been especially distracted by the superfluousness surrounding me.  So many activities are there for the taking during the so-called lazy days of summer.  Since I've written two posts on distraction recently, I highly suspect I'm exerting a boatload of energy resisting distractions right now.

Besides being highjacked by all of the typical summer pleasures, my children are out of school and working from home feels futile. Household distractions abound, ready to be picked up, put away, cleaned, fed, negotiated, reprimanded and corralled. I'm constantly tempted to just do everything the kids want and the house beckons me to do, saying "no" too few times. Maybe it's the heat.


That being said, it's time to go and get some serious work done.  


But first, take a look at this adorable picture of a goat I found!  I got a little waylaid while going through my photo files...
  

Ed (He looks like an Ed, don't you think?)

Growing: Up

Freedom to Create

I hope you had a great Independence Day.

I always feel extremely lucky to be an American, especially on the Fourth of July.  I love how we all come together to recognize our freedoms in this country, especially to appreciate those in the military who protect those freedoms.

It also makes me realize how lucky we are, as people in a democratic society, to create and express ourselves freely. We have so much to be thankful for, as people who are privileged enough to create ourselves, our work, our businesses, and our paths. To take that freedom for granted seems like a waste of precious resources.


I recently posted an article about how our cravings can diminish our creative pursuits; how, by being inundated with choices and information and material must-haves, we neglect our freedom to innovate.  We are at liberty to consume so much, yet often at the expense of personal creativity.  


But now, like a good American, I'm coming to our defense.

We the Cravers of Many Many Things

If you stop and think about it, we're constantly being groomed to consume, not to create.  In fact, we're taught to strive for this value of consumption- from Frosted Flakes and Mattel Toys to endlessly memorizing trivial facts- from an early age. I recently found a great article in Forbes Magazine about this dominant philosophy informing our education system. In her article, author Erica Swallow contends that "America's last competitive advantage: the ability to innovate," is squandered by contemporary education's emphasis on consuming. She makes quite a good case, in my opinion. 


Starting the moment we begin school, we're rewarded for learning everything we can about everything. We learn about hundreds of things an inch deep and a mile wide, as they point out in the fascinating film, Race to Nowhere. We consume lots and lots of information, too often at the expense of using our talents to create and innovate. Of course, this type of learning allows young people to learn what fascinates them; however, as with all things, how about a little moderation? Or perhaps a focus more on application and less on information gathering?


And lest you astute readers deem me an outright hypocrite, I must confess that I do indeed realize the irony: when I create a link for readers to click I'm luring them to absorb more information! (...and giving authors and creators their due acknowledgement, of course.) 


But perhaps it's less about shutting out consumption entirely, and more about being selective and choosing well.  As Anne Morrow Lindbergh writes in her soulful, exquisitely tranquil book, Gift from the Sea:

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach.  One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few.  One moon shell is more impressive than three.... Gradually one discards and keeps just the perfect specimen; not necessarily a rare shell, but a perfect one of its kind.  One sets it apart by itself, ringed around by space- like the island.

sunset shell

Today's information age obviously doesn't allow us much of that relished "space" Lindbergh describes; in fact, lingering in a state of solitary contemplation oftentimes feels downright absurd! I've found, however, that replacing even a small fraction of this noise with quiet time goes a long way. When I give myself space it's refreshing.  I can create from a noise-less inner place that is solely mine.

In his powerful memoir, Man's Search for Meaning, Holocaust survivor, neurologist and psychiatrist,Viktor E. Frankl, also writes about the freedom found in space: 

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

We could all stand to become choosier about what we allow to penetrate our brains.  When everything is there for the taking (thank you democracy/free speech/capitalism!) we have to make a concerted effort to regulate the noise we choose to absorb.  Careful selection frees us to experience and make our own new discoveries. It allows us to replace over-consuming with purposeful doing, creating, being and feeling. It also allows us to protect our mental health and well-being. 


The act of living inwardly and replacing consumption with innovation takes some concerted efforts on our part.  It involves some reconditioning and major unplugging once in a while, but it's well worth the effort, don't you think?  


After all, it would be a shame to take our freedom to create for granted.

Pin it. Like it. Share it. CRAVE it.

HERE'S WHAT WE'RE CRAVING NOW!!!

Look at most commercial blogs and magazines and you'll see this very common heading.

Mommy and Baby Cupcakes: All the Rage Now?

Sparkling baubles, neon belts, vintage-looking clothes, pointy alligator shoes, shiny gadgets, mid-century furniture, hand-hooked Tibetan rugs, rainbow-sprinkled cupcakes, Belgian chocolate - anything that can be purchased with a credit card (and your personal information)- the writers say they are craving it.

And because I'm a wondering sort of person, (with a dash of cynicism) I'm wondering who the "we" is in all this craving.  The entire magazine staff?  The website team?  Could it be that each individual is going home at night, craving Kate Spade's latest teeny weeny bikini?  Me thinks no.

But just imagine what would happen if we all preserved the word, "crave," for our basic human needs.  What a kick that would be!  We'd probably find that keeping in tune with what we need like sleep, friendships, exercise, and nourishment- anything that cannot be bought on Amazon, or anywhere, really- could just about send us to our happy place. And there's nothing like being in our happy place.

(Insert your h.p. image here:              :).

*****************

So here is a question for you: what do you- meaning your body, your mind- really crave?




Losing track of time doing something you enjoy?

Physically challenging work?

A clean working space?

Planting some flowers?

Undivided attention from a friend or family member?
Play?

Meditation?
Snuggle time with your dog?
Challenging your brain to a good puzzle or problem to solve?

by Sophie McGale

Drawing with chalk?
Relaxation?
A little walk?
A long run?
Uninterrupted time alone to think?
Fun with your family?


There's nothing wrong with identifying some commercial gratifications from the world around us, as I'll gladly admit I enjoy doing myself.  But often we need to check in to our own musings and inclinations, which lead us to create, rather than consume, using our trove of talents and other personal resources.  We got these little gems for free just by being born, after all!

(Finally- something that's free AND really awesome!)

Try this right now: close your eyes and imagine doing something that makes you feel really good, complete, and filled with a hefty dose of accomplishment. (No purchase allowed!) Mentally cut through the cacophony of external commercial pleadings, the sensational news stories and the social media smorgasbord of ideas and happenings.

Did you imagine doing this activity?

Fantastic!

But hold on a minute there, Tiger.

Whatever you do, don't Pin it or Like it, Email it or Share it.

Just go do it. Go satisfy that craving.