When in Doubt...

Celebrations

a first performance

Mother's Day meant a surprise trip to
 Society Fair,
my favorite local spot

hot chocolate with flair

my favorite little guy made me this card
using my favorite colors

Poppies are blooming in our yard

new tomato plants came to live with us

and thankfully
someone got a bath.

When

Hands that held me 

When I was sick.

When I made a bad grade.

When I made a bad choice.

When I fell down, trying to jump too far too fast.

When someone hurt me or made me feel small.

When I needed a boost of confidence.

When I needed comfort and peace.

When I won a prize or performed a great show.

When I conquered my fears and did it anyway.

When I went away to college.

When I got my first big, well-paying job.

When I walked down the aisle.

When I decided to move far away.

When I decided to quit my well-paying job for a dream.

When the dream wasn't at all what I thought it would be.

When I gave birth- both times.

When I didn't know how to stop the crying- mine or the baby's.

When I forged a bright new path, full of promise and hope.

When I began to see how hard it would be to stay on that path,

With so many little obligations tugging at me, needing me to care for them,

Yet knowing those little obligations are Love, Life and Everything Good.


And now, 

When I worry about you. 

When I am wholly uncertain about the future,

Dreading the time when you can no longer hold my hand

Or speak my name.

When you need me to be strong,

I am here,

As ready as I'll ever be,

With hands that hold.

Create Yourself: Claude Monet

When I showed my designer friend, Kate, the new color scheme for the front of our house, she said to me, "Go look up Monet's Giverny in France!"

I did, and was immediately blown away.  How had I never seen photographs of Monet's home in Giverny? And I call myself a francophile!

I knew our proposed color scheme had a very Provençal feel to them, but Kate was right: they were spot on with Giverny. See for yourself:

our proposed color schemeBenjamin Moore

Claude Monet's home in Giverny:

the dining room

the kitchen

those tiles!

The exterior of the house, on the other hand, does not reflect our painting plans:

pink and green:
(not going to suggest this to the family)

What I find personally inspiring about Monet's home in Giverny, above and beyond the color palette, is the boldness with which this great French Impressionist chose to live. Everything about the home says, "Here I am. I am an artist. I love color and choose to surround myself with it."

 Even if you are not ready to paint your entire dining room yellow, replete with kelly green balconies and a bright blue door, doesn't it at least make you think, 

"Wow. That guy did not hold back."

Claude Monet

When we celebrate who we are and what we need, we're too busy to care what others think about our choices. 

(Side note: The term, "Impressionism" began as a derogatory critique of Monet's work. Thankfully he never backed down.) 

We just surround ourselves with the things we love and we engage our talents accordingly. Claude Monet's fondness for cultivating and painting beautiful gardens became one of his greatest muses. 

We bring others joy when we outwardly dare to be ourselves. At the very least, people find our authenticity refreshing and inspiring. At best, they may even be encouraged to share their own talents and passions.

giverny.org

I'll leave you with a thought: 

When you have doubts about what you are thinking, writing, designing or creating, remember that there once lived a man who had his own share of doubts and criticisms*, fears and frustrations, but who eventually surrendered to his fascination with light and form.

And in so doing, he created an entire new way of seeing the world.

Life in Color

Speaking of life-affirming diversions, welcome to the yellow door sequel.

To fill you in, we are re-doing the front of our house, as you might recall from our flagstone debating days, and now it's time to rethink our exterior color scheme.

Our home, as it currently stands.

As many of you know, I LOVE color. I think in it, dream in it, crave it and swear by it.

So the fact that my house is black and white with the typical red door is, well, just wrong. The inside walls of our home (notice I'm inserting "our" here, for the sake of familial inclusion) absolutely sing with color. The exterior walls are a different story.

Before investing in paint and labor for the outside of the house, I sought assistance from a designer who has been majorly boosting curb appeal in our neighborhood, Jennifer Jones. Besides her interior design work she does a lot of staging, which means she works with homeowners to spruce up their homes inside and out before placing them on the market. Although we have no plans of moving anytime soon, I knew the exterior of our home needed sprucing up. Badly.

(Maybe it's the duct tape I'm using to hold a shutter together that clued me in.)

The Makeover

Here is the new color scheme Jennifer has prescribed for our black and white blues: 

(drum roll please)

Benjamin Moore

Benjamin Moore's Kendall Charcoal

for the shutters

Kendall Charcoal

Speckled gray/black for the roof 

Yes, we need a new one of those too. We're angling for one that doesn't leak.

Certainteed

Thankfully, our roof doesn't need to be this big.
I'd have to sell off a family member to afford this one.

and... you guessed it! 

Benjamin Moore

Yellow for the doors. 

It's called "Showtime," which, of course, appeals to the performer in me.

House Beautiful

As for the benches, Jennifer says to go for the gusto and paint them blue. "Sailor's Sea Blue":

Benjamin Moore

think ocean blue

Can you imagine how much I like this lady? She's got my number!

And my dear husband is on board with it all. In fact, you might say he's excited. Because although he doesn't visibly show it, I know the joy is just spilling over inside when he imagines these new colors. Right, honey?

With all of this color and design talk, I myself feel uplifted. I think, you know, maybe I will be able to handle whatever comes my way. 

Because, in addition to the phenomenal support from my family, friends and crazy, lovable pooch (as shown getting lovin' from her mama) I will have a yellow door! 

I've decided it will be my burst of sunshine 
even on dark, cloudy days; 
a reminder of the serious importance of play, especially when happiness can feel 
so far away.

Love, Kindness and the Power of a Yellow Door

It's amazing what a kind act can do. 

My husband, knowing I'd had a very rough couple of months, decided to give me a present yesterday "just because." Not because it's Mother's Day (yet) nor my birthday, nor our anniversary, but just because he loves me and cares about me. 

I'm such a sucker for sparkle.

Now, what was unique about this gift was that it was thought through so lovingly. My husband knew I'd been very stressed and worried about my mom, so he tried to think of something fun that would take my mind off of things. He decided to give me an outfit that was simple yet versatile and elegant. He chose one that I could really play around with, knowing that Yours Truly loves to accessorize.

He knew this gift would prompt me to immediately go to my closet and experiment with belts, necklaces, earrings and shoes. And was he right! I hurried to my closet and stayed in there for a lovely, care-free half hour, trying on all sorts of combinations and looks.

I felt 10 times better after spending this quality time playing "dress up."

It brought me back to the times when I was little and my sister and I would put on shows for my mom and dad, complete with sequins, scarves, and other fun accessories. Those were very happy times, when I would do things I enjoyed and felt good about just for the fun of it. Sharing my talents (even if they were hardly refined back then) with my family was pure heaven. A balm for my soul. 

Now, wouldn't you know it, all this dress-up play time stirred up my dormant creative juices and I immediately conjured up a number of other visually stimulating activities that would take my mind off of things. For instance, in the travel back and forth to Indiana, I'd had to set aside our home renovation project, which included choosing a new color for our front door.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a MAJOR home design enthusiast who has a hopeless crush on color.  So I started googling beautiful, colorful front doors- especially cheerful yellow ones- and my beleaguered mind got excited once again. 

Isn't it crazy how excitement begets excitement?
How enthusiasm- whether visual, tactile, auditory or otherwise- refocuses the mind on future possibilities for joy?

On really bad days, when I don't think I can tackle another day of uncertainty and frustrations, I 'm revitalized by a friend's caring remark, a relative's affection and support, generosity from a stranger, or a thoughtful gift from my sweet guy.

*******

Stay tuned for more on yellow doors and other life-affirming diversions.

Here, Take My Hand

It used to be she'd take my hand in hers, and would cradle it with affection.

I guess it's my turn now.

Thankfully, she's taught me well.