Many Roads Lead to Success

I have a friend, a fellow Virginian, who refers to himself as "Highway Man."  He has a large sales district in Virginia and Washington D.C. that he services, thus the road reference.  However, as the Highway Man will gladly admit, he doesn't always take the highway.  He prefers to liven things up by taking shortcuts, bypasses, dirt roads, side streets, however he feels like getting to his destination on a given day.  Of course, with Washington D.C. traffic, you'd better have some alternate routes in your back pocket, so Highway Man does alright going where he needs to.

Highway Man is no Radical Dude, right?  Using different tactics to get to a destination is not that wild and crazy of an idea.  And after all, taking the road less traveled isn't always a bad thing.  It may take longer but scenic views and fresh air are plentiful compared to the exhaust-filled, clogged up main thoroughfares.

So why is it that whenever the idea of changing careers comes into a person's head the first thing he or she thinks about is taking the Super Highway of How It's Done?  Like assuming you must go back to school?  Or enroll in an extensive training program?  Or come up with exorbitant amounts of upfront capital? When it comes to the mindset of millions of Americans, it appears as if hefty monetary and time investments have the ONLY proven track record when it comes to successfully switching gears and taking a new path to fulfillment, success, and happiness.   These are the superhighways of career change and you'll pay a hefty toll. (Okay, I know.  Enough with the road analogies...)

Thinking of only the most drastic, expensive, life-altering tactics can be a huge pitfall when it comes to career changing.   First of all, this philosophy keeps many people (if not most) stuck;  they avoid taking a necessary step in a new direction.  Secondly, it impedes the creative brainstorming necessary to really jump into a unique market.  Thirdly, this mindset plays into fear, and fear keeps a brain in its preferred status quo comfort zone.  Lastly, it misses the point of finding an elegant, cost effective, simple way of creating new opportunities for oneself.  No pain no gain theory debunked!!  Pointless worrying for nothing.

Of course (and this I have to say) some career changes are going to entail monetary investments and going back for another degree.  And for those who don't want to admit that's the case to get to their dream and are putting off taking any monetary risks... well, that's a whole other blog post.

No Cost Solutions

The following are 10 simple, cost-effective, alternate routes in career changing:

1) Read books on your own to educate yourself about a new field. (I call this the Abraham Lincoln method- homeschool yourself!)

2) Barter your current expertise with that of an expert in your newly chosen field.  If she/he wants to learn more about what you know, teach one another. 

3) Network with friends and family and offer your up-and-coming service for free to these people.

4) Meet new people, especially those in your new field of interest, to broaden your social circles and garner potential clients.

4) Find a mentor who has experience in the new career path you would like to embark upon.

5) Join free networking groups, associations, social groups (or, even if there is a membership fee of, let's say, $50-300/year, it's still cheaper than going back to grad school for $50-100K+!)

6) Go on informational interviews with people who haven't gone the most traditional routes.  Even if they're in a different field than you're interested in, they can give you some interesting ideas about how to take a non-traditional route.

7) Relocate.  (Maybe not simple, but it could be a perfect solution.)  Who knows, maybe you'd actually like being in a different locale where your new field has more demand or the overhead is much cheaper.

8) Create a niche that uses the expertise you already possess.  (Blending fields works well in this case.) 

9) Shadow someone, intern or work part-time in your desired new field to make sure this is really what you want.  If not, perhaps you are half way there, and just need to tweak a few elements of a new career path to make it fit perfectly.  Most notably, you are doing the experiential learning before going back to school for theoretical learning.  This helps ensure that when and if you do go back to school, you're investing money in something you're truly committed to.

10) Collaborate.  Partner with a professional who complements your field of expertise.  Form a team that combines two different specialties and therefore provides two equally good but diversified services.

So you see, there's no need to panic unnecessarily, right?  There could be a way to get where you want to go without doing anything too drastic. 

Stop Swearing and Switch Gears!

Here's an example.  Let’s say you think you might want to become a published writer and teacher like the guy that wrote a bazillion books you see filling up a whole shelf at Barnes and Noble.  This is because you suspect you’d enjoy being a teacher who writes and is rich and well respected.  Heck, why not?

So, the first, and very typical, line of thinking goes like this:

“I want to teach, and maybe even write but I don’t want to teach elementary school or even high school.  I would only want to teach at the collegiate level, if anything.  But then I would have to go back to school yet again and for how long?” 


[Do research online and find it takes, ummm, many years.]  

Holy @&*%^$ !  I’m totally screwed!  My goal to teach will never happen!  How can I ever go back to school and still work and pay my rent and eat something other than Spam.... not to mention I don’t want to write a dissertation on some obscure topic like the esoteric nature of medieval cheeses and their ingestive correlation to obtaining knighthood or ... whatever!”

Using this line of thinking, you would be looking at only one, very standard, way of teaching- in a classroom.  Major roadblock there.  But what other ways are there to teach?  And WHAT do you want to teach?  And to whom?  In what other settings besides the classroom could you teach?  Those are pretty important parts of the equation that you just might want to tackle before a full blown panic ensues.

You could begin by teaching in your arena of expertise.  Perhaps it's something non-academic but if it comes naturally to you and people need your knowledge or skill, who cares?  Then, gradually, build your knowledge in another expertise.  Take a class here and there that really benefits you.  Acquire some new "tools."  Research on your own.  Talk to people.  Take the time to go deeper into your new subject area while you still have some income flowing from your existing pool of knowledge.  Then, if you really want to go The Road Less Traveled (and blow MapQuest out of the water!) you could creatively mesh the two fields, offering something fresh and new to the public.  And there may be no need for traditional credentials because you have become the expert in your newly created field.

This may sound pie-in-the-sky-what-is-in-Katie's-coffee-as-she-writes-this-nonsense;  however, look out there and see what I'm talking about.  Look for the pioneers of services and products and programs and see that they created their own expertise by filling a need, then developed a following, then fostered demand and... voila!!!!  They published a series of books!

Easy?  No.  But nothing worth doing is.  And investing more creative capital upfront than monetary investment involves little to no debt and reaps unlimited rewards.  Just ask Highway Man...

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.

-Henry David Thoreau  (1817-1862)

It Changed My Life!

No really, it did!  (QVC, I'm ready for my close-up!!!!!!)

By "it" I mean working with an amazing career coach several years ago.  With his expert help, I was able to unleash potential in me that I never knew existed.  What a relief I felt to discover all of these untapped abilities which had previously been masked as"something is missing, but I don't know what." 

Once I began applying my strengths instead of trying to improve my weaknesses, life got a lot easier.  I felt as if a gigantic boulder had been lifted off my shoulders: a heavy burden that pulled me down, making me feel like I should be happy with where I was, what I was doing, and the success I had had thus far as an actress.
 
Before finding out that a) career coaches even existed and b) I could actually afford one, I looked like every other unhappy worker bee out there;  I felt underused, for lack of a better word.  Moreover, I adhered to "The Great Career Myth":  that we should all be able to do this career deciding thing on our own.  Because hey, if some people can find the right match, then so can everyone, right?  There seems to be an collective understanding that if we, and we alone, think and try hard enough a career will come into our sphere of recognition.  I was under that impression for years until I happened upon a great career coach myself.  I learned just how much information and targeted questioning goes into a perfect career path.

Prior to moving to the Washington DC area, I had never even heard of a career coach before.  Growing up in rural Indiana, the term "coach" referred solely to someone who, for instance, headed up a basketball team and threw chairs at his players.  (Thanks for the memories, Bobby Knight!)  Career "counselors" held court in career centers at high schools, colleges and universities, not on their own.   So I was pleasantly surprised when I happened upon someone who could work with me one on one.

And what a truly life-altering experience working with a career coach turned out to be.  I found out what razor-sharp questions to ask myself, and I learned how my temperament affected the way I learn and take in information and make decisions.  I also came to understand how certain abilities and inabilities influenced past hits and misses.  Most importantly, I was finally able to determine my brain's needs and natural affinities. 


How I Did It
 
My first step entailed taking a career assessment that was actually really helpful, unlike those I'd taken in the past.  The assessment measured things that I'd never even heard of but that are so important to know when it comes to finding your dream career.  If you are wondering about which career assessments to take, let me give you a hint:  as with anything in life, you get what you pay for.  A sophisticated career assessment that measures 16 + aptitudes and talents will run between $500-600.

While that may seem expensive, especially compared to the free Strong Interest Surveys and personality assessments offered at a high school, college, or even online, it is a much, much more powerful tool.  (Kind of like an X-Ray for your aptitudes!) Because it is more in depth, this type of assessment will narrow down the career playing field to small fraction of what the other, more generalized assessments offer.  And let's face it, who has the time to pour over hundreds of career possibilities versus a handful?

A good, comprehensive ability instrument (*see recommendation below) will measure many critical abilities and aptitudes, versus just focusing on personality or our ever-changing interests.  And while personality, temperament and interests are very critical components to your "sweet spot" formula, they are not enough to complete the equation.  Compared to the money you may be about to spend on furthering your education ($100K +), training you might seek, or getting stuck in a job that you feel you can't leave lest you look like a job hopper, I would say $500 is a drop in the bucket!

In addition to discovering my strengths and abilities, I worked intently with my coach.  He never told me what I should do; rather, he helped me figure it out for myself, just like any good career coach should.  Using the assessment results as a guide, I fleshed out what I was consistently drawn to do.  I also asked those close to me to assess my abilities and talents and natural instincts.  Thirdly, I changed my perspective from that of a job seeker to that of a career designer.  No more looking at want ads to determine what might fit me.  I knew I needed to invent a career specifically tailored for me.

Lastly, once I made some really scary but meaningful commitments to myself, I took a leap that I never thought I would be capable of taking:  I started my own unique consulting business.  In career coaching, no less! While aspects of self-employment can be challenging, I have no doubts that this is exactly what I need to do.  Helping people design their own careers fits me like a glove.  This line of "work" is anything but for me.  That's because this is something I need to do, not just want to do. 

Thanks to my fantastic mentor and aforementioned coach, this career design process describes what I do with my own clients today. I enable them to figure out what they do best by "connecting the dots."  I show my client how to gather clues about his or her strengths, how to self motivate by using inborn talents and preferences, and how to unleash the potential within.  In this way I help my client play detective and uncover the mystery of where his or her "sweet spot" lies.

So that's my story.

What's yours?

Or have you yet to invent it? 


*I highly recommend using Pathfinders, owned by Anthony Spadafore.  He administers and interprets the Career Finder Program, which measures a full range of aptitudes.  Check out www.pathfinderscareerdesign.com for more information.

The Blind Side's Got Talent... to a T

Being a parent of two little children means that I am a few weeks, perhaps months, even years behind on my movie viewing.  I am equally pathetic at reading your typical mainstream bestsellers.  For example,  I just read The Da Vinci Code a couple of months ago.  I really don't understand the hype about that one... but I guess I can't add anything to that erudite (ahem) and controversial discussion because it ended, what, 10 years ago? So I will apologize here and now for referencing movies that are so NOW-ON-DVD.

That being said, the movie, The Blind Side, hasn't been out too long (and Sandy won an Oscar and adopted a baby or two and had boy trouble, as I was told by the supermarket tabloids), so I thought it might still be on everyone's radar.

My grade for the movie:  an A+ for celebrating the powerful force of knowing one's own unique talents.  Based on the non-fiction book, The Blind Side:  Evolution of a Game by Michael Lewis, this movie illustrates what happens when talent and temperament are ignited by a catalyst:  in this case, an observant, intuitive mother.
  
As a young man, Michael Oher, now grown up and an offensive tackle for The Baltimore Ravens, was the victim of tragic neglect since infancy.  This neglect stunted his intellectual and social abilities by epic proportions.  However, as movingly portrayed in The Blind Side, Oher has the good fortune of being taken in by a loving and caring family.   His adoptive family provides not only for his basic physical needs of a bed, a home and food, but his emotional and intellectual needs as well.  His mother, Leigh Anne Touhy, played by the aforementioned Sandra Bullock, as well as his father and a caring teacher see his potential intellect and talent lying dormant, and gradually help to nurture Michael's inborn gifts to life.

Motivation and Ability

Oher's new caretakers quickly discover that the young man possesses incredible natural athleticism in addition to his large size;  however, they feel there's a missing piece of the puzzle.  Michael, who does not - and cannot- adequately communicate his own preferences, seems reluctant to use his athletic ability and strength.  Despite his enormous size he has no desire to tackle just for the sake of tackling, unlike every other lineman on the team.  The high school coach can't understand why anyone of Michael's stature wouldn't seek to use this size to his advantage and crush his relatively diminutive opponents.

As if in response to the coach's incredulity, the movie employs a wonderful analogy: the classic children's story of Ferdinand the Bull.    Ferdinand is the sweet, loveable and enormous bull who has no aggressive instincts even though he's supposed to be, well, bullish.   Oher is that gentle giant who's modus operandi, in spite of his size, carries no aggressive inclinations.

The mother discovers this lack of aggressiveness and turns it into a solution.  She intuitively taps into a priceless jewel hidden beneath her son's 300 + lb. frame: an unsung affinity for protecting and caring for others.  She points out to Michael that he has the opportunity to protect his fellow players, just as he protects his family.  Once this pivotal discovery is put into play, Michael Oher's life is changed forever.  He has found his motivation, and the rest of his life starts to come together.

Specialized Talent

Unlike many offensive positions in football, the left tackle actually seeks to protect the quarterback, not just tackle the defensive line.  In his book, author Michael Lewis examines how specialized a person must be to play the offensive left tackle position at the highest level in football: playing in the N.F.L.   This position's requisite specialty is even rarer than many other positions in pro football and therefore "one of the most valuable commodities," as Lewis writes.  (Oh, and did I mention, the second highest paid position, next to the quarterback?)

This specialization is where Michael Oher's physical tools come into play.  He has amazing agility combined with enormous (yet solid) size and incredible speed.  He also possesses inordinately large hands to handle tough defenders, and long arms to keep the rushers at bay.  These traits enable Oher to protect the quarterback's blind side- the left side.  The country's top football coaches spotted his uniqueness right away and vied for Michael Oher to come play at their schools.

On a career note, we have all seen/heard/read about how talent scouts and coaches look for specific characteristics in putting together a football team.   Different positions obviously require different skills.  So what if non-athletes were to look at themselves from that perspective?    My guess is that most people would benefit from thinking of themselves as highly specialized individuals.

You have a singular, intricate tapestry of physical and mental abilities in the same way you have a distinct fingerprint.   What if you began looking at yourself as a scout would:  what combined talents, motivations, abilities, and strengths do you have to offer?  If you aren't crystal clear, a career expert can help to illuminate traits you would never think of as useful.  (Because, hey, who has the luxury of being discovered by a talent scout for accounting or entrepreneurial brilliance?)
 
Environment Seals the Deal

By the end of the movie we see what happens when a nurturing, supportive environment helps an individual ignite his talent and intellect.  We see Michael's journey from working hard just to physically survive each day (as he had for 16 + years) to working hard to excel at his talents, mental pursuits, passions, and dreams.  And this journey illustrates an important element as far as talent is concerned: without any nurturing, a person's nature cannot be expressed fully or, as in Michael's case, barely at all.  His hard-working, intelligent, protective nature, was not seen until some basic foundations had been allowed him.

As a mother watching this movie, I could relate. This is because I've got my own little Ferdinand.  Or Fernandina, to be exact.  And she's more like a lithe little calf than a bull, but that's beside the point.  Like Michael, she seems to lack any aggressive instincts.  When playing soccer, for example, she would much rather stand out in a field and gather daisies for the other teammates than have anything to do with fighting for ball time.  Moreover, when a fellow player gets hurt, she MUST  go and see if he is okay.  (Yes, "he."  She's in with all boys, and no, we did not plan it that way but she's hanging in there like a champ.)  She would much rather play the healer role than that of the aggressor.  But instead of wishing she'd kick the ball (okay, just once during the entire one and a half hour class might be nice,) I do find her inclinations fascinating.

Who knows how my daughter will use her healing nature in the future, but only she can figure that out.  It may or may not have anything to do with the medical field;  healing may be the way she approaches her job or clients or students or co-workers.  But I hope that, like Michael's parents, I can provide the opportunities for her to thrive.  My wish for her as she gets older: to be able to pick daisies in whatever field she chooses.

Goat Heaven

I recently visited the amazing Caromont Farm, and saw not one but four baby goats (or kids, to be precise) who had just been born the night before.  I owe this pleasure to owner Gail Hobbs-Page, who gave me a fantastic tour of her intimate goat farm.  She kindly introduced me to her precious, angelic kids and does. 

Now, you may ask, what was I, a career coach, doing in a remote goat farm in the middle of Virginia's Shenandoah Valley?   First of all, I love goats.  I'll brazenly admit that fact.  Second of all, I needed to follow up a hunch I had upon reading about Gail:  that this was a person I needed to meet!  I am always on the lookout for a unique individual who creates her own career, as opposed to choosing one, cafeteria style, from want ads and occupational handbooks.

My hunch was correct,  Gail certainly fit the bill.  She embodies what I call The Trail Blazer:  one who successfully blends her skills, varied passions, core beliefs and ideal environment into one distinct, and often uncommon, career path.  (For more on trailblazing, please see my previous post.)

My trip proved extremely fruitful.  I got a wonderful glimpse into a career path filled with personal integrity and joy.  Ms. Hobbs enthusiastically shared with me the intricacies of artisanal cheese making, the importance of ethical animal husbandry, and the merits of eating locally and supporting healthy food systems.  She articulately explained her business and life philosophies all the while affectionately stroking and cuddling with her ever-grateful goats.  (Who were happily munching on my purse, I might add.)

Talking to someone like Gail, a woman enthralled by what she does, even (and especially) during the hard times, gives me goose bumps.  Farming and cheese making is a career she needs to do, not just wants to do.  I applaud loudly when someone takes the oftentimes scary plunge to live well and genuinely, thereby soaking in the rewards that an honest day's work has to offer, even if it means giving up a lucrative career.

Before founding Caromont Farm, Ms. Hobbs-Page was the head chef of three top restaurants in North Carolina and New York City.  Interestingly, the University of North Carolina graduate never studied formally at a culinary school; rather, she learned the "old fashioned way" as she puts it, by apprenticing.  She quickly realized after beginning her work in professional kitchens that she had found her calling.  She possessed a special, innate gift of culinary prowess.

However, after many years, the restaurant lifestyle was becoming something she was ready to leave behind. The weekends, holidays, and general craziness in schedule was starting to drain her.   (I told her that I could definitely relate to lifestyle fatigue, a common casualty of being in the acting business for any length of time.)  Nevertheless, immersing herself in the restaurant business became an important stepping stone in her lifelong food journey.  As a chef, she learned how the culinary world operated.  This knowledge would later become a critical component for transitioning to the other side of the table.  As a farmer she would have to meet the needs of the most discerning epicurean clients,  fellow chefs. 

She spoke with me about this transition from Head Chef to going out on her own as a farmer:

"[I found myself] at that proverbial 'crossroads', where you want to do something so badly, you know in your heart you can do it, but the overwhelming fear in your brain takes over and you are so afraid of the failure that you make bad decisions or even worse rationalize yourself into doing nothing. It's the ultimate form of self-sabotage, I think. It had paralyzed me for so long.

When I decided that I was going to start making decisions NOT based on fear, but based on this new idea of success (not based on making money, but making a good product from animals that love and nurture me)  is when Caromont took off. For me, that distinction was pivotal. I was no longer coming from a decision based on fear, quite the opposite. I was living THIS life based on my core values, not just swimming downstream serving feed lot beef and vegetables from China."


Not only does Ms. Hobbs-Page live in accordance with her personal values, she presently draws from her rich treasure trove of talents:  Cooking, farming, teaching, and cheese-making.  She has a strong preference for working with her hands, which she can accomplish in her cheese-making.  She cares for the animals most of the day (another hands-on task), along with doing marketing and thinking down the road for her business.  She finds it crucial to be able to "see ahead" to determine what will be needed next.  These last activities are, of course, very conceptual, very visionary tasks, which many successful entrepreneurs are capable of doing on a daily basis.

Gail also teaches cooking classes, which she particularly enjoys.  She says that people have commented to her that she teaches all the time, especially each time she talks about food.  That seems to be a natural proclivity for her:  sharing what she knows with others who want to learn.  Sounds like a head chef function as well, no?

She shared with me the concept of relationship-building when it comes to the food business.  Her propensity for building bridges with other members of the food community as well as the surrounding Central Virginia community-at-large has garnered her many successful partnerships.  Her hand-crafted artisanal chevre is served at world-renowned restaurants in Virginia such as the Inn at Little Washington.  She also provides her cheeses to many other fine establishments like The Clifton Inn and Fosters of Keswick Hall.  Gail has built, from the ground up, long-lasting relationships with other like-minded, gifted chefs; relationships grown from mutual respect and trust.

Ms. Hobbs-Page gave me a sample of her delicious cheese and what a treat!   I have never tasted anything so fresh and wonderfully flavorful.  I can tell that it came not only from happy and well-loved goats, but from an artisan who cares deeply about what she creates.  So the next time someone says to you, "I love to cook, but I don't want to be a chef," inform them that they don't have to be!  There are many delectable ways to create one's own culinary path.

If you want to know more about the life of a goat farmer and the ups, downs, and nitty gritty ruggedness of farming life, check out Gails website, www.caromontfarm.com.  You may become a goat fan too.

Rough, Tough Cream Puff

Watching my daughter (not pictured above) transform from an infant to the little lady she is today has been nothing short of fascinating.  Her personality becomes more and more apparent as she grows up, and visible traits become patterns rather than mere temporary phases.  In particular, her affinity to care for others seems to have become a permanent fixture in her behavioral library.

Many parents, teachers, babysitters, and other adults have labeled her as “very sweet," and I've  observed from a very young age how helpful and nurturing she naturally behaves toward other children.  She jumps at the chance to comfort some other child, especially when they are having trouble emotionally.  (And come on, when isn't someone crying somewhere in a room full of little rug rats?)  For instance, during the first few weeks of kindergarten my daughter dutifully sat and comforted a fellow student at recess when he was scared of his new school environment.  She behaved in this fashion even when she was barely old enough to talk.  “It otay, baby, it otay,” she’d murmur to a crying infant she'd just met.

(Author's note:  I won't tell you she doesn't have her, ahem, moments.  When it comes down to her own younger sibling, nurturing gets rather dicey.  That behavior depends largely on mood.  Just yesterday I heard her emit some pretty evil cackling noises when her brother couldn't have a toy he wanted.  But that's another matter for Dr. Spock... or Phil.)

As a child, people described me much the same way they perceive Emma:  sweet, caring, kind.
However, towards the end of high school and then into college, I became a bit cynical.   (Okay, really cynical.) I was tired of being “little miss nice girl.”  I really wanted to become tough, assertive, less sensitive and feeling.  I ached to build up a thick exterior that wouldn’t crack like a delicate egg shell every time someone criticized me.  My mother always bemoaned my vulnerability at the hands of others’ comments.  “Why do you have to be so sensitive all the time?” she’d ask me again and again.  And I'd get upset and wonder what was wrong with me.

So when I hit 16 or 17 and the time came to think of careers, becoming a tough litigator seemed particularly inviting.  And, in actually, a tough anything would've done it.  I was determined to become strong in persona, direct and indifferent; a tough bulldog versus a sweet golden retriever who simply pleased and cared for others.  Thus many of my original career images and goals were spun from a need to become, in essence, different.  I wanted to summon up the emotional resiliency I always felt I’d had in me and become the hard ass I was capable of becoming-- at 5'2".

In high school and into college I’d tell people the legal career I had in mind, to which many replied, “You’re too nice to become a litigator.”   Well that just fueled my fire!  Becoming a litigator became my mission.  And what I find so ironic, now that I am a career coach, is the fact that I was so misguided about litigators.  I now know many successful trial attorneys who are NOT tough, which is why they are so effective and win many a case!  Fortunately, I never did give law school a shot, as you may have read about in my previous blog, To Be or Not to Be.

So many people fall into the trap of pursuing a career they believe will transform them into the person they want to be, as opposed to who they truly are.  Fortunately for us stubborn little bulldogs, our true talents track us down, haunting us to the end until we relent.   In fact, it wasn’t until my 30’s and had my first child that I began to see a reverse side to trying to be the tough-skinned individual I craved so badly.  First of all, it wasn’t me.  Period.  The corporate sales world was indeed tough, and I didn't like it one bit.  The acting world was even tougher, and I felt reduced to cinders after every rejection, no matter how many ways I tried to psych myself into believing others' opinions really didn't matter.

Let's Hear It (Finally!) For Sensitivity

I eventually realized that I spent WAY too much energy trying to be something I wasn't.  I knew that I just wasn't bulldog material- no offense to the meek bulldogs out there, of course.  Rather, I was a golden retriever through and through:  loving, kind, caring, and, most interestingly, really really good at helping and motivating people, empowering others to craft solutions to their problems.  I finally understood that my intuitive, sensitive-to-others' feelings nature could be an asset, not a liability.

Directness, confidence and assertiveness started coming naturally, not by force-of-will.  My sensitivity, now allowed to flourish, quickly turned from an internal, negative focus to an external, positive, and effective force.  My self-esteem developed as I learned how my inborn preference for taking into account the feelings of others allowed me to "see" things that others with more utilitarian sensibilities could not detect.  In fact, many people who go into psychology-based fields have this same preference and ability. 

So now if my mother were to ask me why I'm so sensitive, I can matter-of-factly say, “because I am.  Isn't that great?  And it makes me a really good coach.”  I just had to realize how far empathy can take a person who sees its power.  Sensitivity to others can create fantastic opportunities.

To Be or Not To Be: 'Tis NOT the Question!

However, I hear this question coming from adult clients when we first begin our work together.  They ask, with understandable consternation and pain, "I just don't know!  What am I supposed to BE?!"

We are groomed from an early age to ask ourselves this question.  We take the cue from well- meaning teachers, parents, friends of parents, and grandparents who asked us, "So, honey, what do you want to be when you grow up?"  And the answer usually runs the gamut:  firefighter, lawyer, doctor, farmer, (that is what my 5 year old says she's going to be when she grows up- and no, I didn't even ask her!) And while it certainly is charming and interesting to hear what little ones say they want to be when they get older, the question becomes more of a hindrance as children mature into young adults.

I first thought I wanted to be a lawyer.  I saw myself defending people who suffered injustices at the hands of ummm... bad people.  Even though I intellectually knew TV wasn't real life, especially when it came to the legal profession, I will admit now that I fell hook, line and sinker for the dramatic savior image of the attorneys I saw on television and read about in history books.

So in college I studied and actually enjoyed political science, considered the pre-law track at my school.  However, during my senior year I observed a couple of first year law classes and found myself very very bored.  I knew then that law just couldn't be for me because I would just die from boredom if I took even one of those classes. (Did I mention I eventually went into The Theatah?) The lectures were much less theoretical than my liberal arts political science classes and much more practical and detailed.  Even their constitutional law class, which is on the most theoretical end of the legal scale, was too concrete for me.  I loved the creativity and open-endedness that came with theory. 

So why had I waited until senior year of college to investigate law school, the most basic aspect of becoming a lawyer?  Not to mention shadowing a lawyer or interning in a law office? (Duh??) Because I was so caught up in the very general and broad image of being a lawyer, I never thought to ask myself what a lawyer really does all day!  Even in the most justice oriented, intuitive end of law such as civil rights litigation there is a lot of very non-glamorous, detailed, read- through- mountains- of-dry- documents days.  I should have been thinking less about the drama of Gregory Peck's court scenes in To Kill A Mockingbird and more about the dense content and sometimes minutiae of typical legal disputes. 

Doing v. Being


Many of us seem to spend so much more energy trying to BE something than looking more deeply at what we DO naturally.  Moreover, many people, especially those who find themselves in a career that is a complete mismatch for their personality and sensibility (70% of the U.S. population according to Gallup polls), never learned to ask themselves more specific, useful questions.  No one ever asked them, and therefore they didn't ask themselves,"What do you want your day to look like?" or "How much time do you want to spend at a desk?  Outside?  Working on a team? On your own?"

General Adjectives v. Specific Verbs

The best example of asking yourself specific versus general questions can be found in the craft of acting, specifically in scene study.  In professional acting, good actors never use any derivative of  the infinitve, "to be."  During any given scene an actor cannot get what he/she wants just by being anything.  An example of bad acting is this:  "I am angry therefore... I am really angry... therefore... I'LL JUST YELL ALL OF MY LINES REALLY LOUDLY AND BE REALLY ANGRY!"  Not very watchable, huh?  Conversely, compelling, successful acting is all about VERBS.  For example, a good actor might have the inner monologue of "I have sheer rage boiling inside of me and I will explode when [acting partner] provokes me with a certain line.

In the above example, to "explode" is much more specific than "being angry," and therefore much more effective.  Likewise, constantly asking yourself the question, "What do I want to BE when I grow up?" lacks the same effectiveness.  It might be helpful to think of it this way:  

Job Titles = Limited Information 

A good career coach, like a good actor, sees career design in terms of verbs, not career titles.  I give my clients specific (and often fun!) homework that eventually seeks to answer such questions as, "what do I want to do, as in read or write, draw, teach, build, create, organize, discover, perform, etc. every day? What activities make me lose track of time?" And, most importantly, "What verbs do I  prolifically and skillfully do everyday (like counsel or advise or help or manage or listen) without even trying?"  Those are the ones you want to shoot for.

I wish I'd known in my youth what I know today about being specific with self-knowledge.  It would have saved me a lot of time, money and angst.  But I now use that difficult journey to help others avoid the "being" trap.  I coach.  

Now there's a great verb.