Cracking the Moronic Code

I've decided that my husband and I should not be allowed to put children to bed, due to the fact that we essentially turn into morons after 7pm. Sometimes it takes us so long to put each child to bed that we find ourselves eating breakfast once they finally get to sleep, since it's practically dawn anyway.

While this last part might be a bit of an exaggeration, our children's nighttime routines were indeed stretching into the precious hours of our parent-only time, making us wonder if this bedtime behavior was normal.  I therefore began asking fellow parents what time they put their kids to bed. Unfortunately, I received answers that shook me to my mother-lovin' core.

"7:30" was the first answer given.

Hmmm. I asked them to repeat that answer because surely they misunderstood me.  I was certain they thought I'd asked what time they ate dinner.

Nope, it turned out they heard me just fine.  All of their children- even the oldest, age 9, is in bed by 7 freakin' 30.

I was shaken because I'd been expecting a validating response like, "Oh, Lord, bedtime???!!!! It takes us FOREVER to get Precious Georgina and Little Lukey to bed. We are sooooo exhausted every single night!"

So, since I was not getting the validation I was looking for, I decided to do the right thing and ask someone else. Someone who might be more, you know, normal, like us.

And wouldn't you know it, the next parent I asked said the same thing: 7:30. Seriously people!

Not backing down for one minute, I asked yet another two parents and the answers were only slightly better: lights out at 8. Maybe 8:30. One said 9:00, but only on a special occasion, like Halloween, when candy consumption has them dancing on the ceiling.

That's when I began to get the suspicious feeling that we were doing something terribly wrong. Why couldn't we get our children to sleep at a decent hour? Were we complete imbeciles when it came to the night time rituals?

I consulted several pediatric sleep books with titles such as Bedtime Made Easy! Twenty Simple Strategies Even Morons Like You Can Do , but they all contradicted one another, which is why I always dread reading books on raising children: every author professes her method is the only way to successfully guide children to adulthood without failing miserably.

So at my son's annual check-up my husband and I decided to ask the pediatrician what sleep times the children should be getting. The doctor's answer confirmed that while our kids weren't really too far off on their ideal sleeping times, it was enough that they did need more than they were getting. And, most importantly, we learned that we were being majorly played by our offspring. She gently explained to my husband and I that our children were basically taking advantage of our soft spot for together time at the end of the day: reading stories, telling stories, cuddling, asking questions, etc. etc. etc., so on and so forth.

Now, lest you, the reader, think this comportment is sweet and endearing, please understand that it does, in fact, mimic the behavior of ravenous lions preying on helpless, unsuspecting gazelles.

"Oh what a lovely day, Boris,
perfect for meandering through the meadow..."

"That was almost too easy, Sis."

My husband and I have since cracked down on the bedtime nonsense; however, the lions are persistent. Every night we have to keep things moving, otherwise everything will drag out and mom and dad will get frustrated and frazzled and the children will get crabby and ugly everyone will be a big ole mess.

I only mention this ongoing battle in my own little suburban animal kingdom because I'm trying to point out the following:

It's human nature to want things we do not, in any way, need. 

We stay up too late watching TV. Or reading. Or, as The Artist Formally Known As Prince would say, partying like it's 1999. Then the next morning go to work feeling like we've been hit by a semi.

Or perhaps we drink too much coffee or throw down one too many donuts, skip the exercise and treat our bodies like they are mere transporters of our brains.

Then we wonder why they won't work the way they're supposed to.

Everyone has a vice (or five) because we often want what we don't need. But while we can never expect ourselves to behave perfectly, (and nor should we, right? We gotta enjoy life!) there is something to be said for tuning in and recognizing when our minds and bodies are telling us to slow down, or rest, or to rethink how we work and live. We can divert our focus to an activity or food that will nourish us. We can do things in moderation. We can adjust our way of handling stress and stressful people and we can ask for help when we need it. We can make choices, every single day that allow us to push ourselves to do better.

Not necessarily flawless, but at least better.

So now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go share these sentiments with the lions. 'Cause in 12 hours it'll be bedtime and I know they'll be hungry for stalling tactics.

Photos: Creative Commons, Wikipedia, Edupic

Courage is Easier Than Fear

Courage is more exhilarating than fear and in the long run it is easier. We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it is not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down.

You Learn By Living (1960), 41

Eleanor Roosevelt

Instrumental Learning

A New Language

I'm finally doing something I always promised myself I'd do: 

I'm learning how to play piano.

I'd never taken any instrumental lessons in my life, only voice, and I thought it was about time I tried, even if I was in my 40's.

I suppose this later-in-life artistic self-expression has been passed down to me genetically. My paternal grandfather, "Paw Paw", as we grandkids called him, took up painting at age 80. He was a meat cutter and grocery store owner for several decades before he retired in 1970.

One of Paw Paw's first works

But one day, in between leisurely golf games and hanging out with my sweet grandmother, "Rita", in their tiny and inviting South Florida cottage, Paw Paw decided to give painting a go. And paint he did, converting their garage into a studio filled with easels, canvases, tubes of acrylic paints, brushes, and mixing trays. He even went so far as to fashion his own frames out of reclaimed wood, long before using reclaimed wood was über cool, mind you.

(Full disclosure: I'm positive he never once used the term, "reclaimed." His description was probably more along the lines of, "found", as in, "Hey look, Rita. I just found these ol' pieces of wood on the side of the road. I'll bet I can use them for a frame.")

Now dozens of Paw Paw's paintings- framed, mind you- are hanging in homes scattered all over the country, divvied up between his kids and grandkids. And yes, I did indeed say "dozens": he lived to be 97, and enjoyed 15 solid years of painting during his twilight years.

While my grandfather had no reservations about starting something 40 years past 40, I'll admit to possessing a pesky little naysaying voice. It likes to hang out on my shoulder when I sit down to play, whispering disparaging remarks such as:

"Music lessons are expensive. Shouldn't I only be paying for the kids to learn something new?"

or

Shouldn't I be working?

and

 How can this feel so satisfying? You know, like I'm accomplishing something? Accomplishments should, by definition, further my career, right?

 Chinoiserie detail on piano,
by Amanda de la Colina,
my maternal great grandmother,
who painted this piano well past her 40's.

Thankfully, the notes quickly drown out those pervasive "should's", leaving me completely engrossed in my own little musical world.

Playing an instrument, I've discovered, is an incredibly fun and constructive activity to incorporate into my days of working and parenting. For one, playing allows me to exercise my brain in an entirely different way than I'm accustomed to. Not only am I speaking a different language, that of notes and intervals and rhythms, I'm forcing myself to use each hand for a separate task.

Coordination of left and right brain hemispheres?

Oh. Yeah.

For those who don't play, allow me to explain: the left hand typically covers the bass clef and the right hand the treble clef- which means I have to simultaneously perform two different activities. (Kind of like patting your head with one hand and rubbing your stomach with the other.) However, thanks to muscle memory, the more I practice, the more my hands just "remember" and I find I'm more easily able to split focus between my right and left hands.

Apparently, I'm hardly imagining the mental stretching taking place. Many studies have shown the cognitive benefits of playing an instrument, from brain stimulation to specific motor control and coordination to positive effects on the aging brain. In fact, the analytical and emotional complexities of piano performance alone allow for the brain to efficiently challenge its plasticity, according to neuroscientists.

Ruth Silk, watercolor
My maternal grandmother painted the above at age 60 +

But countless studies aside, beginning a new instrument quite simply triggers a playful sense of letting go and being okay with making mistakes. And many mistakes doth I make, since I am, most assuredly, a beginner. And one of the ummm... let's just say, more mature students.

Before and after my lesson, young, Dr. Seuss-loving tykes skip in for their weekly lessons, swinging their little piano bags merrily behind them as they plop down on the piano bench- which, by the way, is scooted in all the way so their feet can graze the pedals. And thanks to a great teacher, many of them sound incredible, their nimble little fingers gliding along the keys with ease. And yes, listening to them feels a trifle humbling. But most of the time it feels good to be a beginner again, or, more specifically, to allow myself to be a beginner again; the hope of improvement stretched out before me in a vast, promising horizon. I look forward to the time when I will actually start to make beautiful music that sounds more, ummm... let's just say, accomplished.

Take time to take pictures.

What about you? When was the last time you invested time in yourself for the sole purpose of growing your mind and body? For the singular objective of enriching your mental, creative and/or physical well-being? Even if it means going back to being a beginner again?

And what if you were to go crazy and give yourself permission to monetarily invest in yourself?  Whether it be acquiring a new camera, booking a weekly yoga class, or taking yourself to the movies on Sunday afternoons, you will help to satisfy your mind's instinctive hunger for knowledge and expansion. (Dare I add that it may even feel revolutionary!)

If Paw Paw were still with me, I'm sure he'd agree. No fancy research required.

Writers, Mountains and Truth

"Imagine truth as a chain of great mountains, their tops way up in the clouds. 

Writers explore these truths, always looking out for new paths up these peaks."

from the novel, Beautiful Ruins

by Jess Walters

Photo: wikipedia

What Engages You? In Life? In Work? At Play?

"The marvelous thing about a good question is that it shapes our identity as much by the asking as it does by the answering."

-David Whyte, Poet

The Rhythm of Your Day

Apartment Therapy

A lot of people think they want to work from home mainly because they dream of working in their pajamas and writing from their laptop in bed while munching on a bag of Doritos and catching up on their Netflix. But take it from me, a work-from-homer: That's a total myth.

I'm not eating Doritos OR watching Netflix!

Seriously, though, who can blame them? Freedom to do what you want on pretty much your own schedule is a pretty enticing concept.

But what those work-from-home dreamers like to ignore is the fact that a) you really do have to get work done and b) there's a whole arsenal of distractions firing at you from all cylinders, trying to impede you from getting that said work done.

For example, here is what I am looking at right now as I type this post:

Cute Dog, looking at me. 
I 'd like to stop and pet her but I won't because I'm working.
Distraction Level: 3

Bits of paper bag pulled out from the recycling bin and strewn about the carpet by Cute Dog,
who chewed it up because she was mad at me when I went running earlier today without her 
(and because it smelled like hamburger.)
Now fighting urge to stop working to vacuum it up and, by the way, 
why won't that rug stain EVER go away?
Distraction Level: 10

Random picture that I took of a flamingo looking at a rock.
Stumbled upon it in my iPhoto Library as I was downloading the dirty carpet and Cute Dog picture. 
Felt compelled to photoshop and share it.
Distraction Level: 7

I could mention more distractions, such as the load of laundry that really should be changed over from the washer to the dryer right now or my closet that needs reorganizing or the frozen chicken breasts that probably should start thawing for dinner tonight or the pitiful looking flowers that desperately need water. But I don't think I need to because you get the point.

No, working from home certainly isn't for everyone, mainly because most people crave already-established boundaries in space and time, and find the parameters between their personal and professional lives in a home office too blurry for their taste. My husband, for instance, telecommutes one day a week and looks forward to it; however, he admits that he doesn't think he could do it two days a week, much less five. 

Now, lest you suspect that I might be the cause of his telecommuting reticence, I can assure you that's certainly not the case. Yes, it's true that I like to bounce my ideas off of him and get his feedback on things and, okay, I might occasionally ask him for a teensy bit of IT help now and then, (he's my tech geek, after all)  I'm generally pretty good at doing my own thing. I think he likes to go into the office because he enjoys being part of a team and gets a kick out of managing and listening and doing all of those things that engage him.

(At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

Embrace the Distractions

Even with all of its drawbacks, working from home benefits me tremendously. As long as I build in the distractions in a clever and efficient way, I'm a working machine most days! I'm even going to be so bold as to say that the dynamic structure of the work-from-home model could be applied to work habits in many environments. The key is being able to use your brain in different ways throughout the day, changing the tempo as needed.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Don't Pass on the Little Tasks 

@ Home: On my "official" breaks- the ones that I've earned by doing the necessary work first- I replenish my brain by doing simple activities like folding clothes or washing dishes. These are tasks that can be completed from start to finish quickly and require very little thinking.

A lot of my career education work is on the abstract and creative side and many projects remain open-ended, so it feels good to go in a completely different, close-ended direction from time to time. In fact, it always seems that as I've finished washing the last dish in the sink, I'm usually able to come up with a solution to a problem or drum up a new way of communicating a complex concept.

@ Office: Unless you'd like to come over and do my housework (which you're welcome to, by the way) I'm sure there are some menial tasks that no one would mind you completing at the office. Stapling, organizing the supply closet, sorting papers, filing, stuffing envelopes, or anything that needs doing but takes very little mental energy would do the trick. And you could always earn brownie points by being the clean-up person of the community kitchen.

(No one will suspect your ulterior motives.)

2. You Can't Sit Still Forever!

Remember when you were little? Remember the good teachers who understood that making you sit for hours at a time was a terrible idea for everyone involved? Similarly, when we feel restless from sitting on our bums too long we need to be able to get up and walk around. That necessity to move hasn't really gone away, even though we adults like to pretend it has.

Some remedies for the restless:

@Home: Take a run or brisk walk. Exercise diverts your attention away from problems- and boredom- and those endorphins will put you in a better mood to tackle stuff you don't normally enjoy. Bonus: creative juices often flow better when you get your heart rate up.

@Office: Walk around the office or the block, either alone or with an approachable colleague that's ready for some moving around. Even just standing up and stretching gives your mind and body a break.


3. "If Music be the Food of Love Play On!" -Shakespeare



Music's tonal language of swells and cadences can both stimulate your senses and help relax you. Why not utilize it?

@ Home: I replenish my spirit by playing piano. I like the fact that I can get out of my head and into the keys of the piano. Playing allows me to concentrate on building up muscle memory in my hands. When I'm lost in a song I'm focusing solely on the musical language of notes, rhythm, chords and beats (rather than ideas, numbers and information.)

@ Office: Put on earphones and kick back with some jazz or whatever gets you grooving. It can give you a boost of energy or relax your nerves when colleagues or bosses test your patience.

Street Music: Players Welcome

By the way, what if an office had a music room? How awesome would that be?

4. Play With the Rhythms In Your Work

@ Home and @ Office: Think about how to structure your day in a musically dynamic way. My suggestion is to aim for a steady rhythm of work in the morning when the brain is fresh, churning out the assignments that require longer concentration and getting into a flow. Then perhaps switch it up to something slow and melodic in the afternoon, with bursts of hot jazz thrown in to recharge you periodically.
(By the way, yes, you CAN achieve this without a Starbucks Double Espresso Mocha Frappuccino.)

5. And Please, Don't Torture Yourself.

When you feel as if you've hit a wall in terms of idea generation or solving a problem, don't keep trying the same thing over and over, getting the same results each time. (Some say that's the definition of insanity, by the way.) Instead, create a whole new tempo by doing something you never do. Draw a picture of your dog, read some poetry, or heck, WRITE some poetry. Eat your lunch on a park bench, stare out the window at the birds, ride a bike, watch a short film, or, if things get really dicey, go to the zoo on your lunch break and take a closeup of a flamingo. (See stellar example at right.)


Just don't come back to work and waste your entire afternoon sharing your stunning photograph on social media. Or, if you MUST share it, limit it to Instagram. And maybe Facebook. And perhaps Twitter, Phanfare, SnapChat, Google+, LinkedIn, Blogger, Wordpress, Pinterest, Houzz, Flickr, SmugMug, Photobucket, StumbleUpon, Tumblr, and five other social media outlets that will become popular in the time it's taken you to read this post.

Photo credits: wikimedia

A New Language: Georgia O'Keefe