Love, Kindness and the Power of a Yellow Door

It's amazing what a kind act can do. 

My husband, knowing I'd had a very rough couple of months, decided to give me a present yesterday "just because." Not because it's Mother's Day (yet) nor my birthday, nor our anniversary, but just because he loves me and cares about me. 

I'm such a sucker for sparkle.

Now, what was unique about this gift was that it was thought through so lovingly. My husband knew I'd been very stressed and worried about my mom, so he tried to think of something fun that would take my mind off of things. He decided to give me an outfit that was simple yet versatile and elegant. He chose one that I could really play around with, knowing that Yours Truly loves to accessorize.

He knew this gift would prompt me to immediately go to my closet and experiment with belts, necklaces, earrings and shoes. And was he right! I hurried to my closet and stayed in there for a lovely, care-free half hour, trying on all sorts of combinations and looks.

I felt 10 times better after spending this quality time playing "dress up."

It brought me back to the times when I was little and my sister and I would put on shows for my mom and dad, complete with sequins, scarves, and other fun accessories. Those were very happy times, when I would do things I enjoyed and felt good about just for the fun of it. Sharing my talents (even if they were hardly refined back then) with my family was pure heaven. A balm for my soul. 

Now, wouldn't you know it, all this dress-up play time stirred up my dormant creative juices and I immediately conjured up a number of other visually stimulating activities that would take my mind off of things. For instance, in the travel back and forth to Indiana, I'd had to set aside our home renovation project, which included choosing a new color for our front door.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a MAJOR home design enthusiast who has a hopeless crush on color.  So I started googling beautiful, colorful front doors- especially cheerful yellow ones- and my beleaguered mind got excited once again. 

Isn't it crazy how excitement begets excitement?
How enthusiasm- whether visual, tactile, auditory or otherwise- refocuses the mind on future possibilities for joy?

On really bad days, when I don't think I can tackle another day of uncertainty and frustrations, I 'm revitalized by a friend's caring remark, a relative's affection and support, generosity from a stranger, or a thoughtful gift from my sweet guy.

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Stay tuned for more on yellow doors and other life-affirming diversions.

Here, Take My Hand

It used to be she'd take my hand in hers, and would cradle it with affection.

I guess it's my turn now.

Thankfully, she's taught me well.

Little Lamb

He looked right at me, that little guy.

Running At Dusk

silent pond

moss-covered bridge

golden flowers

 

moonlight begins

Comfort. Food.

 At the end of a long day

what else can I ask for? 

Around the House

jewels with wings,

 

 bleeding hearts,

all watch over me.

Coming Home

Over the past few months I've traveled back and forth between Virginia, where I live my so-called grown-up life, and Indiana, where I did much of my growing up. With all this air travel I now have my favorite slip-on shoes for getting through security lines, my favorite airport cafe that serves a savory tuna salad sandwich, and my favorite place to sit with my laptop while I wait to queue up in Southwest's lines.

(I don't know why, but I like lining up. Must be fond memories of kindergarten or something.)

My reason for coming home is not a pleasant one, unfortunately. I'm coming back home to see my mom, who has suffered multiple strokes and other major setbacks, and my dad, who is relentless in his care of my mom. Their tenacity truly inspires me to be a better, more gracious person.

These life-changing events have also necessitated writing in my journal daily, something I'd previously neglected to do on a regular basis. And I've found that this routine of writing has led me to a more emotional connection to my words, similar to when I was a professional actress for many years, always aiming at the most authentic, visceral connection to a character that I could muster.

I began writing about the sadness of watching my amazing, creative, intelligent mother struggle with words and breath, the edginess that occurs every time my dad and sister and I wait for the results of one test or another, the cautious optimism that I allow myself to feel, or the fear that grips me when I imagine a future without my mom in mind, body and/or spirit. I scribbled down some of the childhood memories that come flooding back to me as I pass my old high school, look at old pictures and find momentos of when "my family" referred to just me, my sister, Mom, Dad and a couple of  lovable Golden Retrievers. I tried to putting them on my blog; however, at least at this time, on this particular day, I'm finding many of these thoughts are best confined to the pages of my journal and intimate conversations among family.

There are some conversations, however, best shared out loud both for the sake of my own emotional needs and for the sake of others who might just relate to feelings of loss, hope and everything in between. But instead of words to begin the conversation, I've been taking lots of pictures. Being what one might call a "visual person", taking photographs are my saving grace. Because while I cherish beautiful words and exquisite conversations, I've hardly mastered either, and capturing interesting images, colors, shapes and textures seems to me a great place to start for someone with my visual penchant.

I began taking pictures primarily for my mom, who, I don't believe for one minute, has lost her love and keen eye for aesthetics, and I know she yearns for a connection to the world outside her hospital room. But I also feel compelled to also share them with you, my friends, my other saving grace. So look for more photos of Indiana, like the one above that I took a few summers back when my (grown-up) family came to visit Mom and Dad.

So thank you so much for listening, looking and hoping that there are more good days to come.