Is Every Day Halloween for You?

Once again, October 31st will bring much merriment to our household.

For starters, I plan on imbibing a shameful amount of candy corn and regretting it immediately.  There will be neighborhood Halloween parties, spider web cupcakes, warm apple cider, spooky jack-o-lanterns (on other peoples' doorsteps, not ours- we don't have the carving skills or the time.) New costumes will make their debut with unprecedented flourishes.  This year my son, donning a precious little monkey costume, shall amble shamelessly around the neighborhood foraging for candy.  And his older sister shall portray the monkey's pet dog, of course.  For didn't you know, every monkey needs a dog?

(That's okay, I didn't either until a couple of weeks ago when we picked out costumes.)  

And thus, in the spirit of Halloween, I thought I'd broach the subject of pretending, not just on Halloween, but all year long.  And who better to begin with than a recovering pretender such as myself?

Fortunately and unfortunately, the art of pretending comes to me quite naturally.  I played the role of a corporate account manager for quite some time before admitting to myself the job wasn't really me.  I believe it was actually an image of what I thought I should be, versus who I really was.  But I played it rather convincingly, as one would portray a character in a play. Behind the scenes, however, nothing about my performance felt satisfying or real.

Later on, as I forayed into theatre, pretending became my profession.  Throughout my theatre career I played a wide array of roles, including (but not limited to):  a nun, a baby clown, a sister, a mother, a French person, an Irish person, a British person, a Southern person, a feral child raised by wild animals, a Greek chorus, a smoker, a queen, a farmer's daughter, a peasant, a crotchety old woman, a self-righteous dowager, Marie Osmond, a maiden, and a scrappy newsboy.  I also played the part of a temp who tried to convince herself that endless entry level admin work was indeed worth it in order to sustain an acting career.

At one point I played the role of a tap dancer.  However, before landing the role, I'll admit that I couldn't dance my way out of a paper bag.  But I practiced like mad to appear like I could tap dance, and I think I ended up pulling it off fairly convincing.  Now, granted, I landed this show in the very beginning of my theatre career, and it took place at a less-than-reputable dinner theatre.  But that's beside the point.  I knew that pretending I could really tap was only as good as the gig I was in and lasted about as long.  Sustainable?  Hardly.  That's because pretending never lasts, no matter what field you are in.

I see a lot of people in the professional world playing the part of someone else, someone who pretends they enjoy their job/life and that it truly suits them.  These employees can often fake the role quite well, especially for the first couple of years.  After that, the fact that the job doesn't use their talents and interests becomes very real and possibly outwardly apparent.  Drama may ensue in the form of employee conflict, resentment on the part of coworkers, getting fired, legal issues, or perhaps internal strife that eventually causes health issues. 

Whether the person plays the role of a corporate exec, a lawyer or accountant, an engineer or banker,  he or she believes, deep down, that the job pays just enough for the cherade to be worth it.  Perhaps pretending to like one's job, at least temporarily, may truly be the only way to survive and pay the bills.  For example, paying off student loans, medical bills, high costs of living or supporting dependents, all provide ample driving force for a while.  But then what?  Once that impetus passes, where does that leave the pretender?  With some serious questions to answer about his or her future.

Which brings me to ask, what roles are you pretending to fill?  Are they genuinely you or are you playing a part rather than living authentically?  If your current role suits only immediate financial needs then it must be thought of as just that:  temporary.  What roles would better suit you as you look to the future?  Most importantly, can your financial "needs" change?  Perhaps you don't "need" as much as you thought you did, now that you know the price of pretending.

Or maybe you are indeed playing yourself, and your roles truly become you.  If so, I salute your authenticity.  Let's leave pretending for the last day of October!

Now I shall go and enjoy my Halloween... and pretend I do not like candy corn.