Eating, Praying, Loving, and Finding Myself in Quebec City

I recently had a marvelous time in Quebec City.  C'etait mon premier fois (it was my first time) as the Quebecoise would say.

Now I present my version of Eat, Pray, Love for this charming city:

I found myself Eating many delectable macarons, crepes, and croissants (I'm sure there is another carbohydrate I imbibed, but it's not coming to mind... just to my thighs.)

I kept Praying for my son to go to sleep in our quaint- and shared- hotel room.

I was Loving this enchantingly beautiful, French-speaking city.

Our trip to Quebec, while only two hours by plane, allowed me to reconnect with my passion for other cultures and experience a new city, all the while sharing my love of the French language with my children.  Speaking with native French speakers reminded me of how much I relish conversing in the graceful, musical language I studied in college.

Which leads me to the essence of Eat, Pray, Love, the best-selling novel adapted into a film starring Julia Roberts.  I read the book when it first came out and saw the movie in a movie theatre, which was nothing short of a miracle.  (If you'll recall, I am always way behind in popular books and movies.) While the movie didn't enamor me quite like the written word, seeing the story unfold on the big screen took me back to the marvelous premise of Elizabeth Gilbert's book:  finding oneself by connecting, enjoying, and experiencing life in all its richness.

When I first read Eat, Pray, Love I enjoyed it immensely.  The widely popular autobiography details the author's journey from the time she leaves behind a dead-end marriage to her global quest for self-discovery.  Although I've never traveled solo around the world for a year or experienced a dead-end marriage (and for the latter I am thankful!) I definitely related to Gilbert's multiple passions:  self-exploration, cultural and language immersion, traveling, writing and savoring delicious regional cuisine.  Most importantly, the book also brought back visceral memories of my own need to stretch myself- my life, my career, and my talents.  

Flashback a few years ago when I was in the midst of my acting career.  Although I was faring quite well in the Washington, DC acting community, I feared that I was becoming a bit too comfortable in my surroundings to grow as an artist.  I knew I needed to discover whether I had the ability to make it in New York City, and therefore decided to get my feet wet in the acting community up there. (Note- If you are an actor reading this, especially an actor living in New York, I'm sure you snickered when you read the "get my feet wet" phrase.  Because, seriously, how can you just dip your toes in the biggest acting pool in the world?)

Moving to NYC wasn't an option so I did what I could:  I rented a New Jersey sublet from a former Raoul in Phantom of the Opera.  He lived above his landlords:  a mother, her grown daughter, and their little brown dog (or rather, "dawg") curiously named 'Cheena"  When I inquired about this unusual name they responded in authentic, Joisey-like fashion, "Ya know... as in a mah-owww-kah-cheeenah.  She's like the collah of cawwfee."  Thus, the name Cheena.  (Or was it 'China?  I never asked.)

Needless to say, Manhattan and all of its opportunities overwhelmed me, but at the same time I actually did, at first, feel amazingly revitalized.  I saw so much talent and vibrancy in the New York theatre.  I met and collaborated with amazing people.  I was accepted into an advanced level acting class and loved it.  I began stretching myself artistically, and tested the waters by auditioning for everything I could.   I abandoned my comfort zone of staying at home in my safe and well-known environment in order to venture out into the unknown.

However, with all of this stretching and vibrancy and talent and wetting of feet, comes another, even more profound experience: humility.  (Yeah, that one hurt a little.)  Because I realized that a key ingredient to making it in The Big White Way was not only dogged persistence and extraordinary talent, but also sustainable, consistent, solid performance.  For example, while I have, in the past, knocked the socks off audiences, and made them laugh or cry or experience personal revelations,  I really came to understand that the best actors do this EVERY DAY.  Whereas I could look at my years as an actor and singer and recall killer performances, I honestly couldn't say that I could give killer performances sustainably like those who perform at the highest levels.

(Photo Credit: Rebecca McAlpin for News)

But you know what else I discovered besides the talent threshold?  When I filled my days with acting alone, I felt I wasn't living up to my potential in other realms of my life.  I wasn't helping people like I wanted to.  I craved making a direct and noticeable difference in other peoples' lives.  I also genuinely missed the other things that gave me energy:  painting, writing, teaching, traveling or cooking up new recipes.  I learned that I had a terrible time narrowing my playing field to just one sport, so to speak.  I realized I liked variety, plain and simple.  Perhaps, if I'd studied performance religiously for years and started in New York at a very young age, I may have caught a break by finding a specific niche.  But that narrow focus has never, and will never, motivate me.  That fact I cannot change about myself, nor do I want to.

I also instinctively sensed that I needed to use my brain to solve complex problems for other people, even though I had no idea at the time what kinds of problems they should entail.  (I realize now it was my diagnostic reasoning that was lying dormant- more on that in another post.)  All I knew was that I was spending way too much brain capacity figuring out which monologue or 16 bars of music I should use for my next audition.  I reached a point where I knew that the day-to-day life of an actor could not sustain me for the rest of my life.  Not to mention another year.

So, after time spent "getting my feet wet" and experiencing life as a New York City actor, I eventually headed back to DC to resume a new path.  This new life entailed a career in coaching, new little family members and a restored love for an incredible personal life rich with friends and family.  I didn't go to the ends of the Earth to find myself like Elizabeth Gilbert, but a $25 ride on the China Town Bus and a meager sublease helped me do some serious soul searching. 

I realized that you can "find yourself," whether you are married, single or a parent; live in New York City or Topeka, Kansas.  If you begin to ask yourself some honest, hard questions and face your fears of going to the next level in your career, you begin to assume personal responsibility.  Committing time and energy to self-discovery reaps unlimited rewards. Once you dig deep you'll find treasures lying within you, talents that have gone untouched for too long.  It may not be what you initially seek, but it will be you.

Growing in one's career takes so much courage.  And because of the risks involved many people choose to stay put.  They remain safe and sound in their cocoon of complacency, pleasing everyone but themselves.  Choosing this route may seem easy in the short term, (and we ALL do it at one time or another) but in the end these same individuals will probably find themselves depleted of energy and enthusiasm.  Unfortunately, those who feel stuck may wrongly blame family obligations for squashing opportunities .  It's very easy, and so very common, to use others as scapegoats for their own career failings.

While I can definitely say that, as a mother of two young children, there are real time and energy issues that constantly arise, I must remind myself to find ways to grow personally and professionally in the life stage I am in.  So I try to push myself to take important but sometimes scary initiatives in my business. I intentionally engage in activities and networking that benefit both family and career (and thereby save my sanity.)  I try my best to "find myself" daily by carving out time for myself and my work whether my kids like it or not.  That way they learn that my passions are an integral part of who I am, in addition to being their mother.  

So, alas, going overseas to Gay Paree may not be in the cards right now, but fortunately we gave Quebec City a try.  And brought les enfants.  This time around, anyway.  Next time it's just me and the Mister.  That seductive little city exudes way too much romance for a family trip every time.