Dining Room Etiquette, Little Heinies and Illusional Careers

Telling me never to assume never works, because I will always forget.

via Brian Smithson
(and not our dining room)

Recently, we turned the dining room into my office.  This meant, of course, that we'd not have a dining room in which to eat.  (Logic works that way.)  At first I was fine with that notion, but it became increasingly apparent that eating in the kitchen on our island was not working.  First of all, it felt too crowded, and I noticed that the kids were quickly losing their sense of decorum and propriety while eating.  (Oh wait, that would mean they had some to begin with....  Well, whatever.  That's for another post.)  So this weekend we boldly made our sitting room into our dining room.

We live on the wild side around here...

Norman Rockwell
and not our turkey either

Now for my assumption. I'd naively assumed that once the children were seated at the dining room table for dinner, they'd feel as if they should behave a bit more formally and properly since they were in a more formal and proper setting.  It really made sense to me, as I've been told logic works that way. After all, studies have shown that if you change a person's environment, you may be able to change his or her behavior as well.

Thus Saturday night we all sat down to a wonderfully prepared meal, courtesy of me, of course.  It was all very exciting!  But before we even picked up our forks my three year-old decided to chuck a couple of carrots across the room to the dog.  Which is when I uttered that insanely over-used term, "Really?!"

I was almost too stunned to admonish this absurd behavior. He didn't even do that when we ate in the kitchen! But then the thought occurred to me, why would I be surprised?

After all, this is the same little man that almost- and I repeat, almost- used our newly gifted, crisp white hand towel to wipe his heinie. Thank heavens I stepped in just in the nick of time. ("But we're out of toilet paper, Mama!" was his reasoning.  I then discovered that the toilet paper was all- and I mean all- in the toilet.)

Which is why I now understand the phrase, "Don't eat the daisies;" sometimes you have to anticipate poor judgement no matter what logic dictates. And why we now have a "reasonable amount of toilet paper in the toilet" rule.  And a hand towel-on-heinie prohibition.

Yes I Do Have a Career Point to Make...

I had some serious pie-in-the-sky assumptions in college too.  For example, I imagined certain careers to be the ultimate in life.  Anything in the international arena, diplomacy, law and the like, seemed as if they were my dream jobs.  And why would I assume otherwise?  I'd always heard my family talking about my great grandfather's fascinating career as an Ambassador from Mexico to countries all over the world.  He also founded the Organization of American States, housed in a beautiful and prominent building on Independence Avenue. Moreover my grandfather had a revered international career as well. To a young person, nothing could be more glamorous.

The OAS by Gerry Dincher

And currently, as I work here in the Washington, DC area, I am always amazed at how many "exciting" careers exist here.  Attaches, foreign service officers, politicians, lobbyists on Capitol Hill, diplomats, scholars, policy wonks, FBI, Secret Service, CIA agents, journalists and global leaders alike call Washington, DC their home. (Just to name a few.) For a Political Science and French Major, it could seem a sumptuous feast of vocational paths.

However, I look at those careers completely differently now that I'm older and in the career specialty field.  While those vocations certainly hold a lot of cache and may even make a lot of people extremely satisfied, I realize that, for me, they merely represent once-revered images from my childhood and early adulthood.  When I think of the daily functions that these people perform, I now know that it's not for me.

Oh Paris

That being said, would it be cool to say that I was the Cultural Attache for the French Embassy?  Or perhaps that I was a Foreign Correspondant?  Of course!  But on closer observation it's not really the great match I thought it would be when I was in high school and college.  I'd prefer not to fill my days with those particular functions or the subject area of foreign policy.   I still find the field pretty fascinating, as I did in college, but not to delve into on a daily basis.

For example, when I read many of the journals and blogs of those with Embassy careers I can tell these individuals love their subjects.  In fact, they may love it as much as I love my field of career design.  But I don't regret not going the route I dreamed of in college because sometimes dreams are not as pleasurable in reality as they are in ones mind. Furthermore, there are often careers out there that could be more fulfilling to you than the ones you've fantasized about since you were five.  Sometimes you actually need to get to the essence of why you had that dream in the first place.

Camdiluv ♥

The difference between an image of a career (the respect it garners, the way you think you'd feel in a certain role, and how you've imagined yourself looking in that role) versus a real, living breathing career is this:  the genuine one embraces who you are as a whole, including your strengths and weaknesses.

Of course, sometimes peoples' dream careers and their actual careers are practically one and the same.  We are all too familiar with people who dream of a career as a child of three, find that it's a great fit when they are ten and amass fortune and fame from that career for the rest of their life.  The media loves to splash these individuals' lives in our faces, making the self-directed-amazing-lifetime-career phenomenon seem far more prevalent than it really is.

Obviously, if that perfect dream-it-and-live-happily-ever-after career path happened all the time I would certainly not be in business!  Nor would there be so many people-as much as 70% of the working population- who feel unsatisfied with their work.

So what is the difference between an image and reality?  Well, in the first example we have the idealistic, formal dining room behavior image versus the living, breathing, carrot-chucking behavior.  In terms of career ideation, here's a specific example: I can casually pick up a book about foreign policy, and find it very interesting as a subject, but I lose track of time in a book about human potential.  In fact, I find myself reading psychology-centered and career books for work and for fun.  And I love to talk to people about their potential more than I love to talk to people about foreign policy issues.

Yes, I fill my life with interesting things that don't necessarily relate to my career coaching practice, like singing, painting, theatre, reading fiction, interior design, planning events and taking photographs.  However, I do find that I'm always thinking about peoples' talents and personalities and interests no matter what I am doing.  I suppose that's how I know that discovering new ways to help people is just woven into the fabric of my being.

I must finish with this, however.  My daughter told her dad the other day that when she grows up she wants to help people with their careers.  (That was a first from my seven year-old.  Previously she'd wanted to be a farmer.)  Then she added, "Luckily I have a mom who can tell me if I have the right personality for it."

I have to admit that is pretty cool.

Breakfast Never Tasted So Good

Several years ago, when my husband and I were fairly new parents and needed desperately to get away from "it all" (which, let's face it, was in the form of a 12 lb. baby girl,) we had the pleasure of staying at the beautiful Foster Harris House, an inn tucked away in the rolling hills of the Virginia countryside.  It was there that we met owners John and Diane MacPherson, a delightful couple that we thoroughly enjoyed talking to.

We discussed parenting, crazy dogs we'd loved but who drove us nearly insane, and what it was like to live in rural Virginia, running a bed and breakfast. I then had to gush to them how much we enjoyed their delicious gourmet breakfast.  I told them what a treat it was to have something so beautiful, sumptuous and carefully prepared by 8 am.

(I couldn't recall a morning like that at our house. Ever.)

They humbly thanked me for my compliments then mentioned that, besides being a chef, John was also a cyclist.

Oh really, I thought. How cool!  A cyclist/chef!

From the Tour d'Epicure

Then they told us about how they run a company called Tour d'Epicure, which enables guests to go on a cycling tour of Central Virginia, sampling wines and culinary feasts from various Virginia restaurants along the way.

Even cooler!

Finally, they told me they were working on a cookbook which would be out later that year.

That was when I decided that they were the coolest couple ever.  Especially since they were parents to an adorable little guy (who's probably not so little now!) and a fetching yellow lab.

As the years went by and I began writing this blog, I kept thinking about the MacPhersons, how content they seemed, and how they lived a unique life that truly embodied what I always seek to create with my clients.

Then, a few weeks ago, I happened to have a conversation with someone who was about to stay at the Foster Harris House the following weekend. I told them about how much they were going to love it, just as we had years earlier.  They then mentioned something about the owners now looking to do a cooking show with PBS.

Well, I knew I could wait no longer! After all, these people had indeed reached the pinnacle of coolness and I needed to know more.

*********************

So here, my friends, is their story, as told to me by John MacPherson, innkeeper/chef/author/cyclist/and (cross your fingers!) soon-to-be-food show host:

Before Foster Harris House


Q: What was your background like growing up?  Anything unusual?

The Foster Harris House

John: Interestingly, both of my parents had traditional jobs, but my sister and I always sought out work that specifically catered to our interests and things we enjoyed.

Q: What did you enjoy doing as a child? Anything related to your current adventures?

John: My parents would most likely find me fixing up cars after school.  They’d never know what they’d find in their garage when they got home because I was always tinkering with various cars needing repair. I especially had a love for Porsches and ended up importing cars from Germany for a small local lot in my hometown.


Q: I know that prior to moving to Virginia and owning the Foster Harris House you were an industrial designer and Diane a consultant in training development. How did you, personally, feel about your prior occupations? 

John: I enjoyed several of my early jobs, like importing cars, but some of the more traditional ones proved dissatisfying. 

Q: Apparently that didn’t stop you from believing you had the ability to create something that would be fulfilling.

John: Right. This is a value I'd like to instill upon my son:  as an adult, it's important to learn, as you gain experience, to strip away those things you can’t tolerate. Instead of trying to find jobs that have something that interests you, find a way to create something that utilizes your talents and passions.  Be willing to creatively find a way to make money and express yourself.

"Working Hard not to Work"


Q: Do you find living in a creative way is more pleasure than it is work?

John: Absolutely. We work hard to not work, which is what we want our son to notice. In 8 1/2 years we haven’t worked a day.

Q: What about the difficult aspects of running an inn and several businesses simultaneously?

John: The drudgery part is okay because it feeds all the other parts that make it great.  Satisfaction comes from something you’ve created and chosen in life, rather than from someone telling you what to do with your life, career, job, etc.. Again, we want our son to understand this concept.


Collaboration

Q: I like to impress upon my clients and readers that they don't need to think of venturing out "on their own" as a sole venture, as that concept feels so daunting and unattainable.  Rather, they need to realize that other people can help you realize your goals.  How does the creative collaboration work between you and your wife, Diane?

John: Diane and I share a passion for our businesses. This was a powerful force from the beginning: having someone else that shares your enthusiasm for your vision. We also both share an entrepreneurial mindset.  We've always worked more independently and preferred autonomy.

Q:  And how do you manage working together?

John: We look at our collaboration this way: each person serves as either the president or vice president, depending on their area of specialty.  Diane is the president when it comes to marketing and the aesthetic vision.  I am the president when it comes cooking, cycling, and fixing things.  This means that while the President has veto power, the VP has a say as well.  And each of us respects the fact that if it’s one of their specialty areas, the President has the final say.  We honor that expertise.


The Entrepreneurial Mind

Q: Many of my creative clients feel as if they have too many ideas and too little time. Can you identify with that?  

John: Throughout my 20’s and 30’s, I had lots of ideas- good and bad ideas.  But, through trial and error and the wisdom that evolves with age,  I've been able to decipher what I want to focus on.

Q: How would you advise individuals to blend their interests and create their own paths?

John: Out of having several different interests, we have three specific businesses that have come to fruition: first came The Foster Harris House, then came the Tour d’epicure, then the cookbook and now we're working on getting corporate sponsorship for our food show, In Season, which has been picked up by PBS.

In Season

Q: Can you let me in on the secret to your dream it/do it process?

John: Here's how we get these ideas off the ground and running:

1. We determine our most important ideas.

2. Whatever the idea, if we want to make it work, and for it to pay dividends, we have to give it adequate focus.  We give all good ideas a fair shake, but often we put certain ones aside until the right opportunity comes along.
3. Then, the idea that was once on the back burner becomes pressing because of opportunity.  We determine that it then deserves a finer point in our time and efforts and focus.

[Note from Katie:  Notice how all of their business are designed to tie in together so seamlessly? That's great career design on their part.]

Q: So how exactly have your businesses evolved?  I know that your gorgeous cookbook, for instance, began with a few great pictures that photographer John Spaulding took of your dishes, as well as hundreds of scribbled notes in a binder!

John: That's right. Each of our businesses have taken time.  For example, it took a while for all of the pieces and people to fall into place, but now In Season, after simmering for a few years, is ready to come out.  We gradually invested time and grew it slowly, and because of that process, it's now something we’re very proud of.

Q: You should become my spokesperson! That is exactly the G.R.O.W. philosophy: don't be afraid to grow slowly and organically.

John: (Laughs.)

Q: Okay, maybe you're a little busy for the spokesperson gig.

Beginning Expectations vs. Now


Q: How have your expectations changed since you first opened the Foster Harris House years ago?

John: Initially, we were mainly hoping to provide comfort, hospitality, and a great experience to guests. This has definitely been the case; however, the friends and family that have become a part of our lives lie far above and beyond our imagination.

We could never have imagined how satisfying it would be providing good food experience in an intimate setting, listening to people talk over breakfast, and loving to hear what they have to say. There is such a personal connectedness that comes from this experience.

The fact that people come back year after year has so exceeded our expectations.  Never did we imagine we’d have our lives so enriched.  Now we can’t imagine life doing anything else!

Q: It sounds like you've had a fantastic journey thus far.

John: Yes, we’ve had the privilege of serving over 12,000 people meals;  we now have a huge family and number of people we can now call close friends.

It's unbelievable.

Find out more about John and Diane online by clicking here.

Wait For It, Wait For It aaaaaaaaaand... Let it Go!

Now that the holiday season is several months behind us and I still have plenty of time to get on Santa's nice list for next Christmas, I will admit to the following guilty pleasures: drinking too much eggnog, personal shopping when I should be buying presents, and watching marathon runs of National Lampoon's "Christmas Vacation."   Somehow it never gets old watching Clark Griswold try to install a million twinkling lights on a bland suburban colonial.

I hear people quoting this holiday classic throughout all of December.  I imagine this is mostly to help us all physically and emotionally survive "the most wonderful time of the year" or the "happiest season of all," whichever you prefer.

In my opinion the best quotes are either spoken by Chevy Chase's character, Clark Griswold, or his ridiculous cousin-in-law, Eddie, played by Randy Quaid.  (See below.)

I sooo need a hat like that.

One of my favorite quotes is this one: Ellen (Beverly D'angelo) and Clark discuss Cousin Eddie's lack of a job.  Ellen says to Clark,

"[He]says he's holding out for a management position."  

It gets a laugh, of course, because we all know it's ludicrous for Eddie to even consider himself management material.  Moreover, when you hear a line like that you're reminded of every lazy person out there who uses a lame excuse to not take any work.  You immediately think, "you're holding out for a management position?! Oh, please... just get a job!"

But many people, especially many of my wonderful readers out there, are actually quite competent, smart and ambitious people... the exact opposite of Cousin Eddie.  And these are the same individuals who often don't hold out long enough for the right position.

When job hunting (granted, a not-so-fun-task) people get antsy and accept the first or second offer they receive for scarcely relevant work, even when there's not an immediate financial need.  Or they're reticent to go out on a limb and create their own work, either by combining different job functions into one or inventing their own unique product or service. While these atypical approaches may take time and many small steps, they're most likely to offer a lifetime of achievement and fulfillment.

So, when you are not Cousin Eddie or in dire financial straights, what do you do?

When to Let that Offer Go


It's tricky to figure out when to wait for something better, but here are my top ten clues to NOT take that initial job offer:

1. You know deep down that you won't be able to do the job really really well because the tasks you'll be given mostly utilize your weak spots.  Even when the potential employer is extremely confident in your abilities, you don't want to risk setting yourself up for failure. Furthermore, you may be a competent, smart and ambitious individual, as the employer will recognize, but that doesn't mean you can do anything.  Everyone has limits. And remember that many employers don't truly know what aptitudes make a person good for a particular job.

2. It has no relevance to your interests, career path or vision.

3. You will be working with people that don't hold or respect your core values in the least.

4. You'll be extremely bored and unchallenged.  And you've determined this by ASKING THE POTENTIAL EMPLOYER what exactly you will be doing.  Don't be like me and step in it big time!

5. You can't honestly picture yourself going into this job for more than a few months before becoming very stressed.

6. You imagine yourself dreading Monday morning- and every other day of the week- in this position.

7. You find yourself creating fictitious advantages to taking the position.

8. You cannot verbally articulate how this could lead to something more beneficial.

9. It is completely outside the network that you want to join.

10. The environment is the exact opposite of you: too corporate and rigid, or too unstructured and loosey-goosey.  Or perhaps it's too cold and unfeeling or too heartaches-r-us.

Furthermore, talk to others who know you well, relatives or friends, that truly appreciate what you are capable of, and have truly listened to your desires for the future.  If they give you reason to believe that something else out there aligns better with your strengths, listen to them! They might just be right.

Unless, of course, they're a Cousin Eddie.  Then you might want to let that opinion go.

Coming Soon!

John Macpherson of the
Foster Harris Inn

I'm excited to say I've had the privilege of interviewing innkeeper/chef/cookbook author/cyclist John Macpherson.  Together with his equally talented wife, Diane, Mr. Macpherson owns the Foster Harris Inn.  This restored turn-of-the-century farmhouse is nestled in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains in the quaint picturesque village of Washington,Virginia.

John is also set to host a new food/lifestyle/cooking show on PBS, "In Season." Talk about living the Grow philosophy of creating oneself!

I will be posting my conversation with this creative spirit in the next few weeks; however, in the meantime, I thought I'd give you a sneak peak! If you'd like to know about this new show the couple is producing, check out snippets of their pilot by watching this clip on YouTube:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxRzOFQHxWg&feature=player_embedded

According to Mr. Macpherson, their show is different than the typical food shows on television, in that it espouses the farm-to-table movement (think Goat Heaven!) while treating audiences to the gorgeous Virginia countryside. The show also doesn't involve unnecessary drama and artifice, which seems to be a staple in food shows these days.  (I confessed to John that I refuse to watch most of those "Reality" food shows that are so popular. Am I crazy for not wanting to watch people get yelled at??)  

But I believe him when he tells me their show is down-to-earth, because there is nothing artificial or ostentatious about John and Diane. Together they have truly created their own amazing experiences in life.

If you are like me and love the concept of a different kind of cooking show on PBS, be sure to go to Kickstarter.com and help the Macphersons realize their dream. As you know, I love to help people realize their goals of living extraordinarily!

Create Yourself ... Some Suggestions

found on Little Reminders of Love

picky picky picky

This is what my cup looks like at Starbucks:

Who knew you could write a doctoral thesis on the side of a Starbucks cup?

Well, you can!

I guess I'm just a picky person.  Which is exactly what you want in a career coach, by the way.  A good coach doesn't let you settle... like bitter coffee grounds at the bottom of your 100% post-consumer recycled cup.

(Why, oh why, must I insert less-than-stellar metaphors?!)

A good career coach doesn't tell you what you should do with your life, nor does she merely tweak your resume, upgrade your interviewing skills, pat you on the back and send you on your way.  While this process is, granted, a quick, easy and relatively cheap method, it's hardly sustainable or even that useful.

And why should creating yourself be easy and quick?  It's your life we're talking about here!

Here's why: If you want to really create your own life, your own work, your own message, you need to spend the time and, if necessary, the money to do it.   It all comes down to the old adage, "you get what you pay for."  And we all have choices in our time and monetary investments.  Even when don't think we think we do.

Take Exhibit A: chilius doggus

 I can stop in for a chili dog from the cafe at Target for less than $2 (presumably.)  I can do this now, pay in cash, eat my frankfurter and be done with it.  Food is in stomach and I can get on with my life.  (Okay, heartburn may ensue, but thankfully I'm at Target and they carry antacids.  Add $3.99.)

From the amazing Inn at Little Washington

Or, I can go to a five-star restaurant that serves nothing but the ultimate in culinary inventions.  However, this will take time- to save up the money to go, to make a reservation well in advance, to get dressed up, to wait while they prepare a sumptuous meal, and to savor each of the six courses... not to mention the amuse-bouche. But it's an experience that will always be with me.  And I will have learned what a master chef can create.

Now make the choice an even meatier one by deciding whether or not to invest in yourself and your future. The Target Cafe version of this choice equates to taking a free online assessment, perhaps even upgrading for $29.99 to do have a live 30 minute chat with a career specialist.  Talk about cheap and easy!  But you've really just wasted 30 minutes and 30 bucks on something that really doesn't do much of anything.  There's no depth, no real discovery.  You may think you haven't really lost that much, which is true, but you haven't gained anything either.  Except maybe increased frustration that it didn't work and a feeling that nothing will!

Be picky, is what I'm saying.  About your life, not just your stomach. Go with the Michelin five-starred restaurant: a career expert who cares about helping you clarify your goals and design the career that will make you soar.

Creating yourself, your work, your life's journey can be an intricate, time-consuming and absolutely exhilarating process. Don't skimp on the good stuff of career coaching- whoever you use.  (Although it should be me... I'm just saying... since I'm so picky and all...)

And Starbucks, I'll be back, for my Decaf, No Whip, Tall, Sugar Free Caramel Macchiotto with Soy.

Talk about an investment!

My New Baby Girl- Well Worth the Wait

Flickr

We welcomed a new family member just in time for Valentine's Day, and what a sweetheart she is!

Flickr

What's more, this whole experience has brought me no weight gain, morning sickness, or 9 1/2 months of pregnancy. All the love and joy with no night feedings.

 Who could ask for anything more?!

***************

Introducing my newest baby girl, Cloey.  Her full name, according to my daughter, is Cloey Margaret Rice.  When in France, she shall be known as Chloe Marguerite.  I don't know when she'll be in France, but one never knows.







And what a lovebug this gal is!!

She is so perfect- great with the little kids, friendly, playful, extremely obedient, loyal, easygoing and absolutely loving.  Awesome, right?

Interestingly, we'd been looking for just the right dog for an entire year.  We spent over two months waiting for our application with GRREAT (a Golden Retriever rescue organization) to be approved (it had gotten lost in the mail.)  Then we had to schedule a home visit, then we had to wait for our final go ahead.  Then, once we had been given the GRREAT stamp of approval, we had to find a dog that was okay for young children, and was of the right temperament for our home and lifestyle.  By the time we went to numerous Adoption Days and visited the website daily for updates on available dogs, almost a year had gone by!

We were getting discouraged.  We were passed over on several occasions because other families were somehow a better fit. My daughter kept getting disappointed that no doggies were crossing our threshold.  "We'll never get a dog!" and "How can I get excited about a dog when I don't know if she'll come home with us?" she'd lament.  The truth is, she had been wanting a dog for the past 2 years prior to this one, so this was  a really long wait for her.  Three years is an eternity for a seven year-old.  It's almost half her life!  I knew when I felt discouraged, she must have felt really down.

But once we found Cloey, we knew it was worth it.

The same goes for careers:  patience can be key.

I don't know how many times I've encouraged clients to hold out for an opportunity that is part of their vision.  And I can't count how many instances they've come back to me and said, "You know, Katie, you were right.  It's good I waited to find the right fit."

















So just when you say to yourself, "I will NEVER find the right career/opportunity/clients," your opportunity is probably just around the corner.

And in case you want to know, Cloey Margaret/ Chloe Marguerite is sleeping at my feet as I write this.

No wait!

She just woke up.  She said she agrees with everything I just said.

Now that's a smart dog.