Career Musings from Singing Puppets

Cacostello via Flickr

I'm excited to say that I'm taking my daughter to The Big Apple in a few weeks to see the Broadway musical, Annie.  While it's a far cry from the experimental, avant garde theatre of my grad school days, I am really looking forward to this mainstay of every community theatre in America.  I'd assert that even the most erudite, black turtleneck-wearing, bi-speckled intellectual might find himself humming along to one of my favorite songs in the show, "NYC:"

"N... 

Y... 

C!!!

Just got here this morning!

Three Bucks!

Two Bags!

One Me!"

Guilty pleasure, I tell you.  And I am just counting the days until I can see an orphan belting her little heart out in a ridiculous red wig. Call me nostalgic, call me philistine, but whatever you do, don't call me during the show.

While searching for Annie tickets- not cheap, mind you- I was reminded of another Broadway show I love, but would never take my eight year-old within 500 ft of: Avenue Q. I went to see the musical several years ago-it first opened on Broadway in 2003- and was smitten by the show and the brilliant performance of my friend who played the lead at the time, Howie Michael Smith.

(Side note: Howie is probably one of the funniest guys I know.  When we did shows together several years ago he never ceased to make me laugh- even when I was sicker than a dog from my first trimester of pregnancy.  Performing on stage with round-the-clock morning sickness is not an easy job, in case you were considering it.  But thankfully I had Howie to humor me and make me forget about the roller coaster constantly running full throttle in my stomach.)

Avenue Q incorporates endearing yet potty-mouthed puppets (what's not to love?!) who sing hysterically funny but oftentimes poignant songs about growing up and the difficult task of making ones way in the world.  Any show that has soul-searching, coming-of-age songs with titles such as "Purpose," "Why Can't I Go Back to College?" and, one of my favorites,  "What Do You Do with a B.A. in English?"  is right up my existential, career coaching alley.

Here's a snippet (read: printable portion) of the latter song:

What do you do with a B.A. in English,

What is my life going to be?

Four years of college and plenty of knowledge,

Have earned me this useless degree.

I can't pay the bills yet,

'Cause I have no skills yet,

The world is a big scary place.

But somehow I can't shake,

The feeling I might make,

A difference,

To the human race.

-Avenue Q
music and lyrics by Jeff Marks and Robert Lopez

So, if you're in New York and are looking to have a good laugh (or ten,) check out the Tony Award-winning show, now performing Off-Broadway. 

If you aren't easily offended that is. 

'Cause those puppets don't hail from anywhere close to Sesame Street.

Where O Where has My Productivity Gone?

Similar to the dog days of summer, I can't seem to get anything accomplished right now.  I feel as if I have 50 pound weights on my legs. I have contacts I need to make, projects I need to undertake, but my momentum is gone at the moment. I feel deflated and unable to bounce back to a more productive state. I'm at a loss over how I can fit in everything I need to do.

Do you ever feel like that?

When I get in this state of mind I know I need to coach myself. Therefore, I invite you to an open door coaching session. With me. For me. Which is inherently self-centered and a tad neurotic, but perhaps you can relate.

Self- Coaching Session

Me: So, I'm frustrated because I can't get off the ground on several projects.  I fantasize about going away for a night or two, just to immerse myself in work for long chunks of time, but I know that's not realistic.

Coach Me: You sound pretty discouraged and immobilized right now.

Me: Yup.

Coach Me: Well, I'm betting that these projects of which you speak are quite large in nature.

Me: How'd you know?!

Coach Me: Because we're one in the same.

Me: Oh, right.

Coach Me: So, these large projects are going to be overwhelming and very daunting until you break them down incrementally, something you don't automatically think to do as a big picture type person.

Me: True.

Coach Me: Instead of focusing on something you can't control, such as erratic schedules, disruptions, and a lack of large, uninterrupted windows of time, focus on what you can do.  Concentrate on breaking down reasonable projects into small, five to 10 minute pieces.  Consider postponing the big projects that can't be broken down easily. Focus on the ones that are doable given your working-from-home circumstances.

After all, you wouldn't ask your four year-old to eat a big old hunk of meat without first cutting it into bite-size pieces would you?

Me: No Ma'am.

Coach Me: Exactly.  So cut up your projects into manageable portions, and you'll see how doable the work becomes. You just need a couple of small, incremental victories each day to make you feel like you are making headway.

Me: True.

Coach Me: But in order to make these victories happen, you'll have to carve out those bite-size portions in your day. They should be compatible with your schedule and become a regular fixture on your calendar. Ensure these chunks of time are a priority, with very few exceptions! If they're not carved out and protected as dedicated work time, they'll disappear.

Me: Hmmm... good idea.  Why didn't I think of that?  It's so simple!

Coach Me: You kind of did.

Me: Oh, right.

Coach Me: Lastly, if you expect yourself to accomplish a two to three hour project in 15 minutes- -while simultaneously making dinner, walking the dog and doing laundry- you're setting yourself up for major disappointment and a sense of failure.

Me: Yes managing expectations, that's a big one isn't it?  But it's much easier said than done.

Coach Me: Well, My Dear, that's why you have me to help you.

Me:  Okay, now you're getting kind of cocky, aren't you?

Coach Me: I think this session is over.

Happy Halloween!

XOXOXO

Love, 

Cloey

Careers for the Passion-Minded

(Caution: Buzzkill Ahead!)

As I said in my last post on Passionate Politics and Careers, strongly held values make up a healthy portion of the ideal career path for the passion-minded individual.  However- and yes, I admit to being a Debbie Downer here-it's important to consider the breadth and nuances of the path you'll be embarking on before diving in headfirst.

For the idealistic go-getters of the world- the brave ones who aren't afraid to roll up their sleeves and help those most in need- it's easy to get caught up in the emotional aspects of a cause and charge ahead blindly.  Anger, outrage, empathy and fierce determination are among the many strong emotions that tend to drown out the finer, more practical aspects of the potential career path.

Instead of letting those emotions completely take over the show, consider the following as you choose which passion-filled career path to take:

1. Requisite Natural Abilities. Determine whether or not you possess a talent that can help the cause you believe in. Being able to carry out day-to-day functions is critical. Sure, many skills and talents can be developed with hard work, that's a given, but a person can only stretch a non-strength so far every day all day.  In small organizations, especially in the non-profit world, margins are tight, demanding a lot of productivity from each employee.  Well-honed, natural abilities allow you to get the work done quickly and efficiently, whereas inherent weaknesses slow you down.

To give you an example, I did bookkeeping and financial reporting at a fairly large theatre company many years ago. (Theatre was my greatest passion at the time.) I eventually got the work done at the end of the day, but it was way too belabored and inefficient to be truly helpful.  If you've been following this blog, you'll know that this is hardly a strength of mine, as numerical details and I don't really mesh.

In fact, I would spend so much time trying to get all of the details straight that I couldn't get to the other tasks that my boss needed me to do.  Thankfully I didn't stay in that position long, as you can imagine.  Besides the misfit in strengths, I absolutely dreaded going to work every day. I eventually found teaching drama to be a more natural fit for me, and it soon became a lucrative, sustainable supplement to my acting income.

2. Temperament. Another natural inclination to consider is personality preference.  I've worked with many clients who previously pursued a career based on an interest or passion only to find that the functions they performed on a daily basis weren't a good fit for their personality.

For instance, one individual had a personality that was highly geared toward meeting human needs- a very subjective, Feeling preference.  Therefore she found that working primarily with spreadsheets- an objective, Thinking function- failed to satisfy her inclination and ability to work directly with people. Even though indirectly she was working with numbers and strategies in order to help people, after a while it wasn't enough to sustain her motivation on a daily basis.  With coaching, she moved into a position that allowed her to work more directly with the immediate needs of people, giving her renewed energy to work for the cause she believed in.

3. Environmental Considerations. And no, I'm not talking about tree hugging versus clear cutting a rain forest; rather, I'm referring to the work environment that suits you the best.  Don't get me wrong- every individual will go through different types of work settings as they move through the various stages of their career, and sometimes these settings will be anything but ideal. (There's no such thing as a flawless career journey!) But knowing in advance the hierarchical nature of the organizations who deal with your cause, as well as the culture and personalities of people who work there, will serve you well.  Not only might you save yourself from unrealistic expectations of how you'll fit into that environment, you might also prevent yourself from quickly getting burned out working for the cause that once motivated you.

3. Living Wages. Are you able to make a reasonable living (i.e. at least above poverty line) while investing your time in this cause?  What about paying off student loans?  Will you have to live at home? Or on someone's sofa? And are you comfortable with that?  If so, how long can and should you impose?

Most importantly, will you be able to stay healthy while you are pursuing this interest? In order to be able to help others, you must be able to take care of yourself mentally and physically as well as financially.  Sacrificing sleep, worrying about your safety, stressing about whether you can afford to keep your lights on or buy groceries may preclude you from being truly helpful to others or from doing the work you've always hoped to do. You alone can determine what your threshold is for mental and physical hardship and sacrifice. The more honest with yourself, the better.

4. Other Values. Yes, we all have more than one thing we value.  My clients and I spend a good amount of time prioritizing values. And because of this exercise, they end up thriving in a career path where they've maximized the scope of their interests and values.  They find that looking through a holistic lens gives them a dynamic yet grounded sense of themselves.  They see that they are more than just a proponent of a cause. They become increasingly self-aware individuals, confident of their varied sets of abilities and skills. They learn which skills they can best hone, enabling them to offer the most to their cause and better ride the inevitable ups and downs of their career journey.

5. Alternative Routes. Many roads lead to success, and working towards a value you feel strongly about is no exception.  You'd be surprised how many avenues you can take to make a difference in the world.  My clients experience tremendous success by starting with their newly discovered fleet of natural abilities and then seeing where these abilities (and skills, if applicable) can take them.  We start digging around unexplored fields where they can do work pertaining to their values as well as their talents.  Many times they go into paths they never knew existed! Or they create their own unique social enterprises.


Caution: Open Mind Required

All of these considerations take a little more time, research, patience and imagination.  They require you to think in different terms than you are used to.  They necessitate honest self-assessment, which often means turning down the emotions long enough for the objective, logical part of your brain to have a say.

But don't get me wrong- there are many atrocities and needs out there that demand every ounce of compassion and fervor you can muster, and the above considerations are not meant to be discouraging.  Instead, I hope they'll give you the momentum to do what you need to get out there and do.

And sometimes, especially if you often fall victim to the analysis-paralysis trap, you'll have to let go of the fact that you aren't going to be able iron out all of the details prior to making a career decision.  For those individuals, I recommend reading Leaping Before You Look or The Not-So-Comfie Zone .

I'll leave you with an encouraging quote from Allen Blue, co-founder of LinkedIn:

"Whenever I talk to young people, I always talk to them about finding something that they care enough about that they can build the energy behind it to acquire the skills they need. To follow that passion down the road toward something which is going to be great for them. Because it'll lead to the education, the right decisions, and the right mistakes, to get them to the right answers in the end." 

Now, go get 'em, Tiger!

Passionate Politics and Careers

For the sake of being nonpartisan,
I'll take one of each, please.

Tis the season to be political. And here in our nation's capital, things are heating up faster than you can say, "Don't Shed on Me."

(Did I say that right? I get all those political sayings confused....)

Members of both parties have managed to carpet every last inch of grass with election signs, some of which have practically swallowed yards whole. I recently heard that one area home was crushed under the weight of the owner's 230 pound political sign, but you know how people tend to exaggerate.

An SUV maybe...

In the name of good old fashioned political discourse, Washingtonians have been hurling convictions at one another Left and Right, making absolutely certain not to hear the alternative side of any issue. And unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your attention span, many politically charged individuals dumb these invectives down to simple little sound bytes, "informing" the lowest common level of political discussion.

I'm just waiting for the day when people cease verbal exchange altogether and instead resort to some sort of bumper sticker war.  This would entail individuals assaulting one another with scornful three to four word bumper stickers and signs, each one addressing topics from hot dog reform to tax breaks for the Fat Cats that make them.  Tragic injuries would ensue, to be sure, from paper lacerations to adhesive afflictions.

As for me, I like to keep my political opinions to myself. I even have a zero- confrontation plan which will go something like this:

Random Person: "So who are you voting for in the election?"

Me: "What election?"

RP: "Uh... the presidential one."

Me: "Oh... yes... ummmm... I am going to have to check with my astrologist first. I'll be sure to let you know how my stars align. They've been soooooo out of whack lately."

RP:

Somehow it shuts down the conversation every time.

Although I abhor engaging in political debate, I must express my bafflement over one particular voting behavior becoming more and more prevalent: single issue voting.  Back in my undergrad days, I recall my political science professor harping on the atrocity of that practice. While I don't necessarily share his fervor, I can see how he might have a point.

I wonder how an individual can vote for a candidate or align with a party based on one single issue, one strongly held value when there are a million complexities and layers within each political platform.  What about the plethora of legislative topics to consider other than big divisive hot buttons of the day? Or the ones that make them hottest under the collar? Aren't single issue voters essentially discounting a host of considerations, diminishing the full spectrum of their democratic voting power?

I guess you know where I stand on that one.

The same thing happens when you reduce a complex decision like career design down to a single issue or value: you diminish all of the other components that make your potential career dynamic, sustainable and challenging. Moreover, making a career decision solely based on one strong personal value will most likely get you in trouble- potentially even jobless- down the road.

But before you get all fired up and come at me with a reproachful bumper sticker, hear me out. While strongly held values make up a very healthy, satisfying slice of the ideal career pie, thinking of careers only in terms of what subjects or causes or beliefs you are passionate about gets you only half way there. There are a host of other components to consider before shutting down the career decision-making process; components such as natural ability (can you do the work as well as your counterparts?), work settings and financial constraints. I plan to elaborate on the nuances of those issues in my next post.

Considering several elements in a decision doesn't diminish your inner zeal for something.  In fact, broadening your scope of thought to multiple possibilities makes your commitment even stronger- and wiser. By essentially stepping back and looking at the decision in a more holistic, objective and clear-minded way, you strengthen your confidence in your choice.  Your indignation evolves into an educated, passionate and effective force to be reckoned with.

I'm sure you'd agree that we could all stand to turn down the emotional volume a notch and turn up our objectivity a couple of notches. On my part, I shall refrain from getting wrapped up in all of the LATEST AND GREATEST, ON-THE-EDGE-OF-YOUR-SEAT ELECTION 2012 NEWS!!! coverage.  At least until tomorrow's presidential debate.

Instead, I shall go eat my cookies in peace.

(Both of them, mind you.)

Managing Expectations- Relationships

So, my husband and I are coming up on our 20th wedding anniversary this next year.  It's positively thrilling to still say I'm thoroughly in love with someone I've been in a relationship with for over 20 years.   Although we have almost diametrically opposed personalities, we've evolved into quite a team.  And we've come to realize that we complement each other beautifully.

That's worth at least a diamond tennis bracelet don't you think?

Anyway, as I was saying, our relationship has evolved over the years, and for something to evolve to a great place means it had to start at from a place that was not so great. And that not-so-great place had everything to do with very different expectations of what food means.

Yes, you read that correctly.  Food.

Cote d'Azur, Peter Adams

It all started with the honeymoon.  In France.  And by France, I mean Paris-The Alps-Switzerland-Rue de Napoleon-Provence-French Riviera-Monaco-Paris.  In two weeks. Driving.



It's always good to have a relaxing honeymoon following the hectic months leading up to the wedding, don't you think?

In retrospect, I think so too. But alas, that small observation hadn't occurred to me when I made honeymoon plans with the travel agent.

However, the hectic schedule wasn't actually what made my husband and I wonder what in the heck we were doing married to one another.  The crux of the matter was completely rooted in meal time and what that meant for each of us.  For me, that meant this:

Go to a boulangerie for bread...

 A fromagerie for cheese ...

Cheese Shop

Swing by a patisserie for some dessert...

Restaurant Girl

Find a shady spot for a picnic...

Add some wine and other goodies and voila!

A lovely picnic for two!

Now tell me- can you get any more romantic???!

On the other hand, for mon amour, eating meant this:

1. Locate restaurant. 

2. Eat meal with meat, starch and vegetable.

3. Repeat three times a day.

As you can see, we were truly coming from different perspectives.  I came to France ready to frolic blissfully through the meadows with a baguette in hand while my better half was ready to tell me where I could put my baguette.

Now, I don't want to brag or anything, but I was highly adept at getting around Paris with my French fluency.  Using my inherent flair for languages, I could converse with the best of them.  I had just finished college a year before, so I was fresh off the boat, so to speak. The only problem was- and that was a very minor problem in my mind- that I didn't speak French food.

La Citta Vitta, Flickr

Like I was going to learn that in my French Literature classes! Helloooo!

I could translate a book on French Transcendentalists of the early 20th century but I couldn't translate a Parisian bistro menu to save my life. And, apparently, that turned out to be a big problem for my newly married monsieur. 

Had I known that we'd be going the whole three-course-meals-three-times-a-day-route I would've, of course, prepared myself.  But as detailed above, our expectations were polar opposite, and serious arguments ensued. I became cranky because he was hungry and cranky, and crankiness and honeymoons don't really go hand-in-hand.

However, just like our almost 20-year marriage, our honeymoon experience evolved as well.  I began expanding my lexicon of French cuisine and Hubby started ordering jambon (ham) pain (bread) and fromage (cheese) from little shops like a pro.  Interestingly, he also learned the phrase "trop chere" (too expensive) right away.

(Which is what he'll probably say about the tennis bracelet above.)

(Which is trop mal (too bad.))

In order to succeed in any relationship, whether at work or at home, we have to recognize that we envision a situation from our own perspective.  We take our expectations for granted because we create them without awareness. Take the example mentioned above: I envisioned what I now realize was my romanticized version of sharing a meal as newlyweds. Obviously my husband did not share that preconceived notion.  But I never thought about my version as being just that- a version- one steeped in the subjectivity of past experience and a very active epicurean imagination.

In my mind, gourmet "snacking" was just what you did when you went to France.  (I'd been twice before- he had never been.)  But I quickly realized- within hours after our plane landed in Paris- that snacking is what I did when I went to France, not everyone else. And especially not my meat and potatoes guy.

But it's difficult to think of our expectations as subjective.  We have certain presumptions that we  assume to be pretty much absolute. We unconsciously construct our expectations from a variety of sources: photographs, the media, distant memories, our upbringing, personality preferences, natural inclinations and personal experience. These are the invisible guiding principles that determine so much of what we expect from ourselves and others.  In fact, identifying and managing unrealistic expectations comprises a good portion of my coaching sessions with clients. We first uncover these unconscious assumptions- verbalized mostly as "should's"- before we begin managing them in realistic, useful ways. These revisions become new benchmarks for success, which prove to be real, exciting and even possible! 

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There's got to be food around there somewhere, right?

**********

As for our 20th anniversary trip, we're thinking Italy perhaps.  But this time there will be no more "snacking" expectations on my part, just frequent gelato stops.  And my well-seasoned husband has become quite cognizant of my inclination to romanticize meal time (and, yes, I'll admit it- vacations in general.) Most importantly, he's comforted by the fact that Italians are world class experts on how to eat, eat, EAT!! And I'm sure he'll brush up on the names of his most prized Italian dishes, lest he be at the mercy of his wife.

Finally, just for the record, you'll see from the popular Pinterest post below that I'm not the only one who has certain expectations of what a romantic meal in France should be.  ('Cause there are a few things in life that ARE absolute....)

Provencal Picnic via Design Sponge

Create Yourself: Inspiration from Maya Angelou

"Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise."

-Maya Angelou